Pete Walker- Complex Ptsd From Surviving To Thriving

[wannagetoverpast]

Has anyone else read this book?

I hadn't realised so many of my feelings were due to my past.

I tried to commit suicide aged 13- it didn't work. I woke up in a hospital and I was made to feel shame. By my "family" for being an inconvenience having to visit. By the nurses-"You're so stupid for trying it"- etc

Leaving home aged 18 and being told "That's it you're on your own now. Any mistakes you make are down to you and you make your own bed and lie in it". As a women wearing mens clothes to avoid attention to myself. Being scared crossing zebra crossings- thinking drivers will hate me for making them stop and how I have caused them inconvenience,

I always had the feeling I was worthless, in the way and learned to be invisible and walk on eggshells. I learned my feelings dont matter. I learned I had to be perfect to try and avoid criticism or being noticed. I was never encouraged to try new interests and the scorn "No wonder, you're a Scorpio" and "we dont need people like you in our life"

Now in my mid 40s- I always wondered why I cant make friends, why I lack confidence and self esteem and why I drank too much. I always seem empty.

This book explains why and it is great. I haven't read all of it- but it helps make sense of why I am always anxious. The fear of being homeless I never realised was a common symptom,

 

[Rani G2]

I learned my feelings dont matter. I learned I had to be perfect to try and avoid criticism or being noticed.

Hey wannagetoverpast,

thats exactly how I felt for many many years, slowly processing my own emotions and finding out, that its quite OK to be human. A lot of pain comes into the surface, I hate that at times, want to erase that off.


yes, I read the book, though it has been a while. I hope you find this forum helpful and informative.


Do you have a therapist?

 

[boodle]

Has anyone else read this book?

I hadn't realised so many of my feelings were due to my past...

Hi @wannagetoverpast,
As a supporter I read this book to shed some light on my partner's CPTSD. It is an amazing and enlightening book. The most surprising and unsuspected outcome from it is that I learned so much about myself, my childhood and why I behave as I do in situations. Its a brilliant book and I would recommend it to anyone regardless of if they have experienced CPTSD.
Gook luck to you and enjoy the rest of the book.

 

[Suzetig]

I think Pete Walker has some interesting ideas but they very much reflect his ideas about his own experience and that of some of his clients. It's a good starting point for thinking about complex trauma but is limited in that there's not really a research base for many of his ideas - it's worth reading some of the more established folk in the trauma field like Judith Herman if your interest is in complex trauma.

It's also worth reading with a healthy dose of scepticism - there are a lot of theories about trauma being presented as fact which become fashionable for a while, and have something to add our knowledge, but that don't necessarily reflect the whole picture. Keep your mind open and read as widely as you can.

My reason for saying that is because it's easy to read something and think everyone else knows, understands and agrees and then to get stuck when they don't. For example my T is a very experienced trauma T but from the outside looking in our sessions wouldn't necessarily look like trauma therapy - no somatic experiencing, no classic CBT/DBT, no structured exposure, no clear 3 stage process. When I review our work over the past 4 years it's all there but woven through a strong, healing relationship and very intuitive as oppose to "today we're going to process X trauma".

If I had swallowed the books whole, I would have gone to a different T and yet mine has been perfect for me and I've healed immensely.

That's probably more than you needed in response to your question and I did find some of Walkers ideas making sense, just hold that knowledge lightly and go with what works for you.

 

[Rani G2]

but that don't necessarily reflect the whole picture. Keep your mind open and read as widely as you can.

I find your writing helpful! Thanks..

 

[Teasel]

I found his website when I was in a really really bad place and so I thought it was Wonderful!

I think his information is wonderfully validating and when you're in a horrible place having been abused so long and with everyone blaming you that really means something. I will forever be grateful to him for that.

I read the book too several years after I came accross his website - thought I think I found it a little repetitive but if I had found the book before re-reading the website a hundred times I probably would have needed the message being repeated.

 

[watundah]

I did. I recently started reading it a second time after several years of therapy to see if the information would resonate differently. I appreciate that CPTSD presents unique differences in developmental trauma and repeated abuses and I found comfort in knowing more about it. Keep exploring. You're on the right track, and find support, as well.

 

[whiteraven]

I recently found this book and agree with @Suzetig. I have only read parts of it so far, and have found some of it very helpful - the parts on grounding, for example - but I have found others really bothersome. The tone of the parts I've read sounds very angry to me, and while I understand where that comes from, I don't find it truly helpful in the long-run when attempting to share how to grow and heal.

I also sensed that some of his ideas to be quite rigid. From a writer's perspective, I understand writing from your own experience, but I think it's important to write for your audience. Parents, for example, are not the only perpetrators of our abuse. Some of us live with and/or are abused by grandparents, aunts and uncles, and guardians. Some experience abuse from school officials.

Anyway, I do think parts are helpful. I am glad you have found it to be. I do hope you add additional material from other perspectives to your reading list - you will likely learn all sorts of helpful things!

Best,
whiteraven

 

[Powder]

@whiteraven can you quote a part that sounds angry and talk about that? I find that intriguing, and I think I agree, but I don't know what parts I'd be agreeing upon. :)