Philosophical Question Re: Nature Of Truth

[kath3141]

I have a complex question about the nature of meaning and truth in relationships that's troubled me. Regarding simple matters, the dichotomy of truth versus fact is helpful as a way of rethinking my reactions to assorted events. This dichotomy stated simply like this: you can change facts with opinions but not facts with opinions. Taking reality on reality's terms means trying to apply this measuring stick: (I.e. Opinions with absolutely no basis in fact are called bullshit).

I have trouble screwing my head on straight in relationships. The philosophical questions I struggle with is "wherein does the truth lie?" When you have shared experiences involving shared meanings resulting from complex interactions the answer is tough, (especially if you're talking families or marriages).

This is a very tough question because emotionally it feels like an Emperor Has No Clothes Problem for me. Without going into details it appears "the majority rules" to some extent. This can be hard when u have a perspective not acknowledged within this "majority rules" mindset.

So say with this issue in mind. A family member brings up an old issue that's very painful and "triggery". Since people here have an awareness of PTSD, I guess you don't need to know the possible reactions of a sufferer.

The reaction I get is "I didn't mean it that way". The expected response is for me to instantaneously get over it. The end result is truth is one sided in this situation. I find myself believing them that it's my interpretation that's the problem.

In the end of shared experiences create different perspectives, shouldn't they all play a part? If it's one sided, the perspective ignored is mine. That's very self invalidating. Any thoughts to re screw my head on straight here

 

[Weemie]

louis c.k. has a quote that i love, which addresses this type of situation.

"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't." - Louis C.K.

 

[kath3141]

I like that statement. That really helps.

 

[Flossy]

Have you read up on Narcissism in families? I believe it is highly likely that you will find the answers to your dilemma if you do.

Google. narcissism in families / daughters of narcissism / DSMV Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Start with DSV - V naricissistic personality disorder. The gauge with which this disorder is diagnosed.

Just a headsup. It's not you, it's them. It's what they do. It's called 'gaslighting' and 'scapegoating'. It sounds as though you could be the scapegoat.


If you study Narcissistic Personality Disorder it will change your life. I promise you.

There are times I believe that the study of this forum and NPD holds the answers and truth for a large percentage of us here.

PS If you do indeed have a family with narcissists, you will never get the truth from them or the recognition of the truth that you tell.

They will do all that they can to deny it and make it that you have a problem. Even if it means destroying you. Their biggest fear is the truth and the exposure of the truth of their behaviour to anyone. Anyone who even looks like exposing it is a huge threat to their fragile, needy, thin-steal coated ego.

It's a bit of hard work to get your head around but you will see in time, how it fits in with the development of PTSD in some.

 

[Mallaky]

Hello

I get what you mean. For me it mostly occurs when my partner did something stupid/hurtfull and after being confronted becomes a little child and says softly "But I really did not want to." or "I did not mean to..."

Yes, honey, I know. But as physical beings we should every once in a while remember that we occupy a physical world, and that however pure or rotten an intention is, the results of it might differ. In order to live and think and act like an adult, one has to absolutely accept that fact. I consider understanding this one of the pillars of growing up.

If someone does not get that, that person is labelled immature, because that is what they are, and have to be delt with accordingly. Nothing is more infruriating and unhealthy and inpossible then trying to have a mature discussion with somebody who behaves like a baby.

It is interesting btw do see kids discover that fact. I worked in a kind of orphanage for sick kids once, so there was lots of opporunity for accidents. There is a certain age that children are absolutely unable to understand that good intentions can cause shitty results. It is the fault of the universe, the nature of existence, but cannot be theirs. And then comes puberty and now the kids are just all confused and f*cked up and dont try to make sense of it all any more.

I explained this to my partner by saying, that I know he did not try to hurt me, that I accept that, so I am not angry with him. But I am still hurting, and if he wants to be a decent person I need him to accept that as well.


edit: @Flossy, I think you might have jumped a gun there. Immediately accusing narcicissm seems a tad extreme to me. My narcasstic grandmother would have reacted very different then "I did not mean it that way."

 

[kath3141]

Ill look into it when I get a day off... Lots definitely an experience that makes u feel crazy

 

[kath3141]

@Mallaky like this part "I explained this to my partner by saying, that I know he did not try to hurt me, that I accept that, so I am not angry with him. But I am still hurting, and if he wants to be a decent person I need him to accept that as well."

 

[Friday]

"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't." - Louis C.K.

Ha! Love it :D

Here's a counter-quote though :)

“He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” ― Brigham Young.

 

[Flossy]

I don't think I accused narcissism. My intention was to suggest that narcissism be read up on to see if that fits the situation. Then my following thoughts were meant to be considered if NPD seemed to fit in her opinion.

I would assume the OP had the ability to decide for herself if it was relevant.

I have lived with it too and know the dynamics well. I thought I had explained it well enough without including every nuance of thought in detail, so the OP would understand it and nobody else would assume an intent that was not there at all.

Eg: It was a "suggestion". Nothing else.

That's why I included the phrase....."if you do indeed have a family with narcissists". It's up to Kath31241. She will know if it rings true from her own experience.