General Planning for Christmas

[Sweetpea76]

@Never_falter2 people are liking your status to be supportive... not to “like” the fact your husband isn’t doing well. No malice intended.

You know, if your husband keeps wanting to make commitments and plans for things that stress him out, then maybe he has to learn the hard way that realistically he cannot manage everything he wants to do all the time. It sounds like he’s a bit more symptomatic than he typically has been, so it’s probably an adjustment.

You don’t have to participate in all that by going everywhere with him, or feeling like you need to make his excuses when he has to bail, etc. He is ill. There is a reason why he cannot do all these things. If his family cannot understand why, then perhaps they aren’t the best people to be around when he is symptomatic. PTSD is a real medical condition. He’s not shirking, malingering, or being a coward. He needs to be around supportive people and watch his stress levels.

 

[Never_falter2]

But how should his family understand why when most of them do not even know he has ptsd. It is a bit much to expect, isn’t it? That is his broader family, not the small family... not sure about the English term... I think they would support him... and maybe they are already guessing what’s wrong but he has not told most yet.

 

[Sweetpea76]

We’d say his immediate family... parents, siblings, etc.

It’s his responsibility to inform them, not theirs to guess. People cannot read minds and they definitely cannot diagnose PTSD just from looking at somebody.

He doesn’t have to tell them he has PTSD if he doesn’t want to... If they are close and supportive it would probably make things a lot easier if he did though. If they are not, then it’s probably better not to spend a lot of time around them if he constantly has to make excuses or explain why he isn’t doing well or cannot handle certain things.

He’s going to keep stressing himself out if he keeps trying to do things his stress cup cannot handle just for the sake of saving face though.

 

[Never_falter2]

His immediate family do know. It was his broader family who don’t... I know what you are coming from but in our culture people spend lots of time with their broader families and we already do this less than others. I think if he could tell them, it would be good for everybody involved but I am not sure how to help.

 

[OrangeJulius]

Broader family (aunts uncles cousins nieces nephews) is called "extended" family in English.

 

[Freida]

. I know what you are coming from but in our culture people spend lots of time with their broader families and we already do this less than others. I think if he could tell them, it would be good for everybody involved but I am not sure how to help.

I think one of the hard things for supporters is the need for secrecey that seems like such a huge thing for some sufferers. I'm notorious for that -- because ptsd comes with a sense of failure -- here in the US at least. It means you can't handle things -- not that you have been thru things that no one could handle. So it can be a huge risk to try to tell someone because you can never be sure how they will react. Especially people in your family.

 

[Never_falter2]

Yes. This.