Platitudes: Which Ones Make You Scream?

[Mercy]

Don't think about it. Think about something else. WTF I'm in a flashback where noone can think. The other Irish American phrase is, 'Kiss it up to God.'
Huh???

 

[Deimos]

"It's always darkest before the dawn."
That's just great! I must be in the arctic circle because its been dark for a long time.

 

[Sandra]

I still miss them and it is over 20 years later.

I don't think you ever stop missing them. My best friend died when she was only 24 from a rare liver disease she was born with. It's been 30 years since she's been gone and hardly a day goes by when I don't think of her and think about how much I miss her.

 

[Sandra]

I am living without my family which is hard.

You will miss them in certain ways but not in others. I have never met my great niece or great nephews. But removing my brother out of my life was the right thing to do. So not knowing them was the price I had to pay for not putting up with my brother's crap anymore. And sadly this is never going to change.

 

[Shattered]

I've heard most of these platitudes at one time or another regarding my PTSD. I've had other platitudes/nasty remarks regarding my Autistic son.

"You are that person who has it worse." --Gee, thanks!
"I'll happily take any deformity or condition for my new baby, so long as it isn't a cognitive disability. That's the worst." --Well...how am I supposed to respond to that?
"God gave him to you because you are great mommy." --Really?
"He has a greater soul than others, otherwise God wouldn't have given him this challenge." --Give me a break!
"I don't know how you do it. I could never deal with having a disabled child." --I didn't realize it was optional!

 

[Loloma]

"Get over it an move on with your life".
"There's plenty more fish in the sea." If I was looking for fish I go to the store.
"You're got a lot to be thankful for". No shit I know that, but it doesn't seem relevant at the moment.
"He's such a great guy". Well you marry the bastard.

 

[Sandra]

"Oh it was never that bad" ...A comment from my sister years ago. Yea it wasn't like that with her only me. So it showed whose side she was on.

 

[Shattered]

My abuser's favorite:

"It's all in your head."

Hmm, something a gaslighter would say.

 

[Sandra]

"And what do you think you will gain by confronting that certain abuser"

Or mostly this one by my sister "total silence" if I tell her I'm depressed. Like she doesn't give a shit if I am.

 

[ms spock]

You will miss them in certain ways but not in others. I have never met my great niece or great nephews. But removing my brother out of my life was the right thing to do. So not knowing them was the price I had to pay for not putting up with my brother's crap anymore. And sadly this is never going to change.

I never met my nieces and nephews either. It is the right thing to do to keep my self out of that toxic poisionous environment. It was the right decision to make - absolutely.

Is it heart wrenchingly painful? Absolutely.

My aunt sent me a card to see E and J were now 21 and 18 - I last remember seeing them as 5 and 3. I could sit next to them on the bus and not recognise. The same with a lot of cousins and their offspring.

And heartbreakingly for me - absolutely the same for my nieces?/nephews?. I know I have two nieces.

The longing for family is in each nucleus of my atoms. It is so important to me. It is like the search for the Holy Grail. It is so real for me.

What happened over my birthday brought me back to sitting with the loss of family. This is hard. But I have to do it.

I just want to disassociate and go to sleep.
ms spock

 

[ms spock]

It is damaging as it is invalidation. Being quiet and saying you don't know what to say and you feel for them is much less toxic.

*nods*

 

[ms spock]

my father says to me ....." Whats wrong with you, other people manage to get on with things, why cant you?" GGGRRRRRRR.

Actually they don't.

I am held up often (to my horror) as someone who is got it together and is an activist. (Yes these people are nuts!) I feel I have to comment in these situations, publicly so the person/s who are being tortured by that platitude gets let off the hook.

Not every time- sometimes I talk to the person and they don't want any thing to be said, but for the ones that do I stand up, I say "Utter Rubbish!" This is delievered with humour, generosity and diplomacy. I know this will sound crass but I sometimes say "You wouldn't expect someone who has no legs and no leg replacements to tap dance. Why are trying to get X to tap dance when metaphorically she hasn't got the legs to do it?