Please explain this to me. the dumbest question in the world. why is a label necessary?

[hithere]

Relationship labels are probably a source of stress and anxiety for most people. However, the lack of a label is big source of stress and insecurity at some point along the way. The ambiguity of the relationship can be a bit maddening for one of the parties. Tthey are necessary for a sense of trust and safety actually. Talking about "what are we?" questions in the relationship typically are healthy questions (unless they are obsessive and excessive of course) Is this relationship right now exclusive? That is the question that one or both partners want to know. Or, is this relationship open and you can get emotionally intimate with other love interests; can I get emotionally (or sexually) intimate with another love interest and keep you at the same time. What exactly are doing right now?

These labels are even in the "friendship" realm as well;" are we best friend questions; where do I fit in in your friend circle. Am I more important to you than other friends? Are you more important to me than other friends? Are you just my "work" friend, are you just my "spiritual" friend, etc. etc. These labels may not be spoken out loud but people wonder about this and try to figure it out all the time.

Talking about how you feel with your love interest is most important and hopefully the other party will be honest with their emotions, too. It's all a big 'friggen RISK though! I hate feeling "boxed in" and controlled! also hate being tossed out like a piece of trash, too.



oh, man, sorry, I just woke. I should have read the whole thread-- my bad. Cheers to you with your involved guy. and I understand the "alarms"

 

[EveHarrington]

Relationship labels are probably a source of stress and anxiety for most people. However, the lack of...

I mentally deal with it by saying it’s just temporary (as most relationships end at some point).

And we never talked about what it means to be in a relationship so I’m guessing it’s just a label.

 

[EveHarrington]

I let him go.

He requires a relationship label and I cannot give that to him without feeling owned and controlled.

We are just not compatible.

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh @EveHarrington - sorry to read this. :hug:

Hope you are ok.

b1

 

[EveHarrington]

Hope you are ok.

No, not really.

Me as I am...I am not enough for anyone. My time isn’t enough, my kindness isn’t enough, my caring isn’t enough, my love isn’t enough.

The only difference was an arbitrary label. People can be in relationships and not love, not care, cheat, be abusive, etc. In the grand scheme of things a label means nothing, provides nothing, and doesn’t protect from the ills of the world. It’s a smoke and mirrors word meant to provide comfort.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:
So sorry @EveHarrington ... And good for you for not accepting less than you deserve.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think it takes wisdom for people to know what they have @EveHarrington , and even more so, cherish it, especially if it's pretty rare. And recognize the difference between words and fulfilling those words. You're right, a label doesn't bestow a guarantee of trust or trustworthiness or even specific characteristics or qualities, actions and integrity do. And it's much to even expect a right to ask for a 'label' so early.

I'm sorry. :(:hug:

 

[ILoveLife]

Hugs, Eve. You did the right thing by setting that boundary. It was a way of self care and self protection.

I agree with labels meaning smoke and mirrors. As we often see around here how the label spouse means very little to a lot of people.

 

[hithere]

No, not really.

Me as I am...I am not enough for anyone. My time isn’t enough, my kindness is...

I let him go.

He requires a relationship label and I cannot give that to him without feeling ow...

sorry, :(

 

[EveHarrington]

So that was a horrible ass blow up and he told me he doesn’t want to lose me so the label is not necessary... So back and forth, much of it in my mind. Ok with label, not ok with label. He knows I can give him everything IN a relationship, I just struggle with the label. Today I told him why...

 

[somerandomguy]

Relationships are f*cking hard. No joke.

 

[MyWillow]

Thanks for the thread and the think-fest @EveHarrington and everyone else. I didn’t realise how much I hated labels until I read it in its entirety. Humble pie much. Yeah I’ve never had a “boyfriend” and never wanted to be someone’s “girlfriend”. Feels possessive, about ownership whilst not preventing bad behaviour.

I’ve been in a relationship for, I dunno, 10-15 years maybe and I choke when I say “partner”. We don’t “do” any anniversaries or Valentines Day or anything. The thought of getting married and being a wife makes me want to throw up. I feel horribly anxious at weddings but that might be the family effect.