Please Help...how To Start Discussing Trauma With T

[barefoot]

Does one actually describe the sexual act that took place? That just seems so disgusting?

My T keeps saying it's the feelings that matter not what happened but I have the feelings (body memories) of how those acts felt. It fills me with disgust to think about telling someone.

I think if you feel that you want to get it out and say it, say it. Therapists are used to hearing all sorts of everything, so if you want to say it, don't feel like you shouldn't because you're worried about them. Though it may be worth saying to begin with that you're worried about them so that they know that's how you feel and can reassure you (and maybe brace themselves as well!)

My understanding is that it is the feelings that matter most - that's what we need to process. So I think you only really need to describe the act itself if it's something you feel you'd benefit from sharing.

I'd maybe feel inclined to be really open and say something like 'I've been thinking about it a lot and I can't decide whether to tell you all the details of what actually happened. It fills me with disgust to even think about telling you.'

Even if you don't then share the details, the fact that you've shared that the thought of it 'fills you with disgust' gives your therapist lots of information and I suspect there is a lot of work you can do together around those feelings of disgust.

It's tough...but your therapist will help you to work through it all.

 

[Kintsugi]

Have you communicated to your T that you would like to prioritize talking about trauma more?

I require a T who will steer my sessions with a fairly firm hand and who will not allow me to distance myself from the subject unless it's truly overwhelming. After all, I am in therapy for trauma and dissociation, not everyday bullshit exacerbated by my PTSD.

 

[Flower Power]

It took me years to find the right therapist that I felt safe enough with to go after the emotions that were held so tightly bound by past trauma and fear about everything I was telling myself about me because of that trauma. I think for many of us it is the fear of rejection and abandonment that keeps us silent, because the trauma was a form of abandonment. Abandonment of being seen as a real person, with feelings and a selfhood that actually had value. Having a therapist that could mirror back to me acceptance irregardless of my shame over what happened to me was the most powerful healing of all. That is what a therapist is there for, to offer a healing, accepting mirror for you to grow out of your/our wounded selves into a full person. Most of us have been stuck, being ruled by the all powerful emotions of the wounded child within us. Learning to become an adult that is here now, present and ready to protect that inner child is what my therapist did for me. Learning that, that critic that has always been there is actually a protector that has been trying to keep me from getting wounded all over again. Inbetween sessions is an opportunity to grow self-reliance, with baby steps, and then bigger steps, and then walking on our own. This takes time. It has taken me 3 years of therapy to feel like I can even begin to handle my PTSD, that is as long as I stay away from my toxic family members that trigger me beyond any sense of reason. I had to accept that I may never get beyond that with them. But I had to learn to take care of me and my wounded parts, and they can take care of themselves. I do not have to be their scapegoat any more. I have enough to work with I don't need any more. Be gentle, patient and kind to yourselves. It takes time to learn how to be a parent to yourself.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

The therapy I just went through (CPT - cognitive processing therapy) included a section where you wrote about the event and then read the account aloud in therapy.

On one hand, I liked that the therapy was structured and forced me to confront what I would have probably avoided otherwise. But, at the same time, it felt too soon. It made me unhinged, a bit, without the proper supports in place ahead f time to make certain that I was okay afterwards.

So, I guess I don't have any advice, other than an acknowledgment that the dance between pushing to talk and protecting yourself until you are ready is a tricky one.