Hi guys and girls. I hope you are all doing well. I met someone yesterday in a&e, who also has ptsd, and was the most awesome, kindest person in the world.
I've had ptsd since '09 and '10, and have tried to get help, but it was misdiagnosed and not understood or diagnosed properly by any docs, so I eventually gave up in '13 I think. meh
I recently found out, have been diagnosed and now understand it, and have accepted it. Anyway, every year since '09 and '10 I get horrible flashbacks of what happened.
anyway, my anniversary dates are 12/12 (horrible, had to go to a&e, not fun being bounced around from g.p to shrink. i had to be in my own room to feel safe, but then the flashbacks got horrible. i ended up doing my own blood pressure and pulse to keep me sane. afterwards i found out what ptsd is.. )
The physical stress is getting very bad on happy/ normal days. (i keep passing out with no recollection of what happened, am scared to sleep). ugh.
Anyway, the next 3 anniversary days are coming soon. I'm terrified as flashbacks from 1) domestic abuse that left me with head injuries, burst blood vessels etc. then going to hospital. ugh. 2) on a previous anniversary, i couldn't deal with it, and gave in to suicidal thoughts, and ended up extremely ill with bradycardia and bells palsy. (i've had a few attempts, but this one was the worst. 3) ugh i can't even..
Please please please, I'm scared of hospital from stupid abuse/ attempts, I can't end up there again like I did on the 12/12. It's not fair to the staff and waste of others time either.
It's the first year I'm trying to fight the flashbacks and suicidalness, (which is good), but the 1% of time I'm not strong enough to, I don't want to risk dying again and giving in. :(
I'm sorry for posting such a horrible post. Any advice would be amazing. (I thought I was mental, deserved to be dead and was totally alone until I understood the ANS).
I've had ptsd since '09 and '10, and have tried to get help, but it was misdiagnosed and not understood or diagnosed properly by any docs, so I eventually gave up in '13 I think. meh
I recently found out, have been diagnosed and now understand it, and have accepted it. Anyway, every year since '09 and '10 I get horrible flashbacks of what happened.
anyway, my anniversary dates are 12/12 (horrible, had to go to a&e, not fun being bounced around from g.p to shrink. i had to be in my own room to feel safe, but then the flashbacks got horrible. i ended up doing my own blood pressure and pulse to keep me sane. afterwards i found out what ptsd is.. )
The physical stress is getting very bad on happy/ normal days. (i keep passing out with no recollection of what happened, am scared to sleep). ugh.
Anyway, the next 3 anniversary days are coming soon. I'm terrified as flashbacks from 1) domestic abuse that left me with head injuries, burst blood vessels etc. then going to hospital. ugh. 2) on a previous anniversary, i couldn't deal with it, and gave in to suicidal thoughts, and ended up extremely ill with bradycardia and bells palsy. (i've had a few attempts, but this one was the worst. 3) ugh i can't even..
Please please please, I'm scared of hospital from stupid abuse/ attempts, I can't end up there again like I did on the 12/12. It's not fair to the staff and waste of others time either.
It's the first year I'm trying to fight the flashbacks and suicidalness, (which is good), but the 1% of time I'm not strong enough to, I don't want to risk dying again and giving in. :(
I'm sorry for posting such a horrible post. Any advice would be amazing. (I thought I was mental, deserved to be dead and was totally alone until I understood the ANS).
