Relationship Please, I Need Some Help.. Upset About Break-up

[annika]

Here is my story..

I was seeing this guy for 18 months. The relationship was really serious; we lived together, our children played together, we made plans for the future, we were going to get married.

He had been diagnosed with PTSD and was unable to work but the lack of money was causing serious problems in the relationship. He managed to get some casual work but things went wrong and he started taking his anger out on me more and more. Eventually I said enough and asked him to leave. Well not only did he leave, he sent me an email telling me I'm the one who is abusive.

Three months later, I've heard nothing from him. He asked me several times not to contact him, so I haven't. I feel so hurt. It's as though he's already over me or he never cared about me at all.

:( :cry: :confused: :cry: :(

 

[Jacquie]

Wish I could say something but...........((hug))

Maybe he couldnt handle the pressure in the job? Took it out on you?

Maybe he's run away from the stress? (which meant also running away from you?)

Maybe he never did want to work and took it out on you?

Either way, you dont need to put yourself and your kids at risk if he was being abusive, and you have done the right thing, being assertive in protection of yourself and your children. The rest is up to him.

Doesnt mean he didnt love you ever. So many things this could be. But would it be safe to say he doesnt feel that way 'now'? And do you still love him knowing he's abusive? Or do you want him to still love you but come back as the nice guy?

I'm a bit confused about what you want out of this. Have you tried to examine your own feelings about what you want out of this?

 

[annika]

I don't want him back.. I just want an explanation because his behaviour doesn't make sense to me. I mean he was looking at engagement rings in April and by June he was sending me emails telling me I'm in denial about how abusive I am. I thought maybe he'd contact me by now but no..

 

[Jacquie]

Sweetie if you dont want him back......just walk away. Its not 'your' unresolved stuff'. Its his. So there is nothing to resolve.

Go catch a movie with a g/f and put this down to a wtf experience. Sounds like you're better out of it and happy to be. Dont look backwards, make some plans for what you want in front of you then go for it.

 

[annika]

It is definitely a "wtf experience"! generally I'm alright but sometimes that WTF gets really bad. :confused:

 

[Jacquie]

:whistling: Yeah but if you get in touch and get involved again the WTF factor could get ever bigger again? :alien:

 

[annika]

Oh I won't be getting in touch.. I guess I will do anything rather than contact him because I am very stubborn.

Here's the even bigger WTF (which I forgot) -- after he left I found out he'd gotten a job, even after his psychologist had said he wasn't ready to work. It was as if he thought he was too good for me then.

I'm 100% sure there was no other woman involved, so I just don't understand what went on in his head.

 

[Coolio]

Annika dear,

No matter what the issue, if some1 really loves some1 then they won't take it out on their lovers. Actually it is the opposite, only the lovers make them feel good irrespective of how matters make them feel. So, don't look back and don't worry there is always plenty more good guys out there who wants to respect you and love you the way you deserve.

Focus on you and your family at a time of a difficulty esp a relationship failure and if he is a guy that you don't want then you are better not knowing the reasons and you don't need explanations... just like some1 said it is one of those wtf!! You know you can break up with some1 and be civil but deep down you know some ppl are not worth the time and effort to even give them your time. So be strong and look forward!

 

[annika]

Thanks Coolio.. I guess his reaction just seems so defensive to me I am wondering is this a feature of PTSD?

 

[Jacquie]

Ok I get it. You feel used. You stuck with it through the hard times (esp financially) and now he's on his feet and in a job which would have eased the burden and he's bailed. Yep thats a wtf. But its his wtf. Dont walk, RUN! Plenty of men (and women) out there like that.

A relationship is a 2 way street. Without it you dont really have a relationship. You have a babysitting service. Find a man you dont need to mother honey, and dont mother him, or he'll run a mile. Have healthy expectations of things being a 2 way street. Be there for him and he be also there for you. And if it aint that way.......run.

Ok so heads up, chest out, couple of fast deep breaths, and tell yourself you ARE worth loving and if this guy doesnt love you, its the same as the guy at the local walmart checkout not loving you. And you not loving him. Not everyone can or does love everyone else. Just go enjoy life for a while. Get involved in 'life' again and then see who strolls into your life when you arent watching.

Its times like this we thank god for girlfriends. lol We can go BLAHHHHHHHHHHHH and they 'get it'. Not looking for a solution so much as just needing to go BLLLAAHHHHHHHHHH. ;)

(scratches head and wonders what men do in these situations)

:tup:

 

[annika]

Thanks Jacquie. :rolleyes:

 

[LoyalOne]

(((annika))) Keep yourself distracted and busy until the wtf pain fades, and remember this is not your fault. ♥♥♥