PMS, self harm, dissociation

[Strangelongtrip]

I was put on a new birth control to help with my severe chronic pelvic pain (they think it's endometriosis) that I only have a period every 3 months. This week I start the "period week", I think it's tomorrow. Last week I had a severe pain flare that's just sort of lifted, and since last Wednesday I've been having daily panic attacks, bad dissociation and flashbacks. Terrible, terrible mood swings I'm realizing now are probably severe PMS. I felt like I was splitting with everyone and everything on a minute to minute basis. It felt like hell.

Now I've been dissociating for hour long periods where I just stare off into space, look up and an hour has passed. Then I just sob because I'm wasting so much time I've wasted a week and I've already wasted so much time being mentally ill. I don't know what else to do to help myself. I can't concentrate at all. I'm a full-time student, thankfully online because otherwise I wouldn't have gone to "class" at all this week. I have exams this week. I have accommodations but I'm not sure if extending my deadlines will help or hurt me. I have trouble reading more than a few paragraphs at a time. I can't remember anything. I feel fuzzy and weird.

What's really stressing me out is I used to when I would get like this self harm in order to force myself to concentrate so I could accomplish tasks. When my pain flares first started in high school it was the only thing that got me through school. I don't know what else I can do for my dissociation right now. I'm not going to relapse but I want to so so so so badly. I don't know what else to do. I can't keep wasting all this time being sick.

 

[Ronin]

Okay, breathe.

You are not wasting time.
Sooooo many *very* critical situations in life loosening up helps, outwait them if nothing else / get to the other end of them safely.

And now? Nothing's critical. School, work, all that. Your anxiety is waay worse than all those other tasks and needs more help, now.

Being sick right *is* needed so you can be effective later. It buys you time... not wastes it.

No self harm is a good goal.
Your body is *literally* so distressed on top of pain it comes up with those impulses... that means you need more self care and rest. Until SH/SI is not even a thought. Much less any consideration, however long resisted.

What can you do to treat pain, do you have meds & how's your breathing? Also what's your temp & temp around you like, hydration & eating?

One of many reasons I ask... pain dissociating you worse on any level would make sense. Treating pain can dial down the dissociation. Covering other basics / getting as stable as can could also lessen the pain to moderate ranges.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

@Ronin I have naproxen and I have medical cannabis, but I haven't used either today. I haven't eaten in hours I keep forgetting so I'm going to go get some food. Use the meds when I get back I think is a good idea. I definitely need to drink too. I've been drinking tea all day because it's soothing but I've barely had water. Temp is maybe too hot, I feel better in the cold so turn off the heater. I could take another hot bath, I did exercise today so that helped with pain some. Thank you for those questions it kind of snapped me back a bit.

I may email my professors later if it's still bad that I'm still having a bad time. They're both really understanding and kind.