Post nightmare flashback anxiety, how to you cope?

[beckyblue10]

I wake up still living in my flashback or having a nightmare. The feeling I get is huge guilt and shame, I am always in the wrong, I am always massively failing, I am always upsetting my family. Everything is my fault. To come back from it I try the hear five things technique, touch the wall and bed frame and something that helps is I repeat 'i am a good person' and 'i am safe' but quite often I will fall back to sleep and it repeats again.


Any tips on how people cope with this? X

 

[arfie]

i remind myself often to be gentle with myself and patient with the process, especially when i am lost the murderous maze of self-blame. the self-loathing of self-blame is a sticky, slimy slope which can be hard to escape. the tools you listed sound mighty close to the "tactile grounding" and positive affirmation techniques i use. they work when i work them.

my nightmares daisy chain so that i usually have them in sprees. when i am going through a nightmare phase, i like to sleep with a "dream talisman." a dream talisman is whatever object i have strong, conscious links to. a beloved book under my pillow. a beloved necklace. a rosary wrapped around my wrist. a stuffed animal. whatever. the important element is a cognitive link strong enough to help me know i am awake and have escaped the nightmare. the dream talisman also doubles as a tactile grounding tool as i rub with my fingers and/or hands.

steadying support while you find what works for you nightmares and flashbacks suck, both literally and figuratively. together, they are a match made in hell.

 

[Friday]

By stripping my sheets & clothes & dropping them in front of the washing machine, on the way to the shower. 2 purposes; 1 washing off all the fight/flight chemicals/pheromones oozing off me & soaked into my sheets, a miasma of pain/fear/rage; 2 the alternating hot/cold/hot/cold is grounding as all get out.

By layering my sheets (waterproof mattress protector & sheet, mattress protector & sheet, usually 3 or 4 layers in total) I can strip off one layer and fall back into clean dry sheets, with a total elapsed time of about 90 seconds from waking to showering to bed.

 

[beckyblue10]

i remind myself often to be gentle with myself and patient with the process, especially when i am lost the murderous maze of self-blame. the self-loathing of self-blame is a sticky, slimy slope which can be hard to escape. the tools you listed sound mighty close to the "tactile grounding" and positive affirmation techniques i use. they work when i work them.

my nightmares daisy chain so that i usually have them in sprees. when i am going through a nightmare phase, i like to sleep with a "dream talisman." a dream talisman is whatever object i have strong, conscious links to. a beloved book under my pillow. a beloved necklace. a rosary wrapped around my wrist. a stuffed animal. whatever. the important element is a cognitive link strong enough to help me know i am awake and have escaped the nightmare. the dream talisman also doubles as a tactile grounding tool as i rub with my fingers and/or hands.

steadying support while you find what works for you nightmares and flashbacks suck, both literally and figuratively. together, they are a match made in hell.

That is a great idea about objects. Especially a book I love, I will try that. It's also incredibly nice to know I am not alone in this. Yes mine tend to come in sprees too, usually after I have been triggered my something and still in that flashback.

 

[beckyblue10]

By stripping my sheets & clothes & dropping them in front of the washing machine, on the way to the shower. 2 purposes; 1 washing off all the fight/flight chemicals/pheromones oozing off me & soaked into my sheets, a miasma of pain/fear/rage; 2 the alternating hot/cold/hot/cold is grounding as all get out.

By layering my sheets (waterproof mattress protector & sheet, mattress protector & sheet, usually 3 or 4 layers in total) I can strip off one layer and fall back into clean dry sheets, with a total elapsed time of about 90 seconds from waking to showering to bed.

Wow that is a great idea, I can imagine that is a technique that brings you back to the present really quickly. I have found too the change in temperature really helps me. Great idea about the multiple sheets too. 90 seconds is pretty quick. Maybe I do need to actually get out of bed and feel a cold or shower sensation to remember where I am and I am not in danger.

 

[sonson]

I learned in therapy to write a different ending to each nightmare that you remember. Let's say you dreamt about a failure and seeing your family disappointed. Write down the beginning of the narrative but maybe instead, you were able to explain to your family what difficulty you faced and they were understanding this time. Keep a journal of your dreams beside the bed so you remember to write them down first thing in the morning. Notice if there is any improvement and keep doing it for every type of dream. My therapist did say it doesn't always work and it doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth trying! You can do some research on this and other dream therapy techniques. I noticed it worked with me. Try having a good sleep hygiene and meditate before bed so you will be relaxed. Really hope this helps! Keep fighting, it will get better

 

[beckyblue10]

I learned in therapy to write a different ending to each nightmare that you remember. Let's say you dreamt about a failure and seeing your family disappointed. Write down the beginning of the narrative but maybe instead, you were able to explain to your family what difficulty you faced and they were understanding this time. Keep a journal of your dreams beside the bed so you remember to write them down first thing in the morning. Notice if there is any improvement and keep doing it for every type of dream. My therapist did say it doesn't always work and it doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth trying! You can do some research on this and other dream therapy techniques. I noticed it worked with me. Try having a good sleep hygiene and meditate before bed so you will be relaxed. Really hope this helps! Keep fighting, it will get better

thank you, this is a lovely idea to rewrite the narrative in my mind. I just started trauma therapy and she said the more you reenforce the positives and not the negative dialogue in your brain the more your brain will get used to that new dialogue. I find that really interesting. Will deffo do some research on this and try those techniques. I am starting to understand that there is a lot of personal work i need to do to start feeling better.

 

[CooCoo4CocoaPuffs]

Been dealing with bad dreams for years (I reframe it as bad dreams to neuter it, for me) I tell myself it’s not real, I’m safe, get up, do the things. Leave the night garbage in the night. Idk if this is appropriat, or not.

 

[Friday]

Great idea about the multiple sheets too.

I discovered it whilst potty training my kids?!? As it’s the fastest way I know how… fill them UP with liquids before bed, instead of restricting, and the HEIGHT of the urgency/accidents trains most kids in a week or three (no guilt/noshame/just BIG neurological awareness & easy fixing), instead of a year to a year and a half of reduced liquids before bed. Double/triple sheeting the bed = pure expedience. Strip them, strip the sheets, back to bed. No fuss, no muss, no worries. And it was like…. LIGHTBULB… I. Could. Do. This. For. Me. For when I wake up all drenched in sweat & swear, instead of pee.

The sheer number of parenting tips/tricks that have been ooooooh so useful, in managing my PTSD-ish-ness? I cannot even begin to count. And I have zero childhood trauma, it’s “just” about helping people (c’est moi) relearn what kids are learning, for the first time.

 

[DogTired]

I've been asking the same question of my current (and past) therapists.
His cure (like loads of other white coats) "Rewrite your nightmare for a happy ending".
Na, never works.
Only two things help me.
My wife for nightmares and my dog (and maybe other shoppers) for flashbacks.

Wife: All it takes is a simple touch and I'm awake.
Then comes my tears, she holds my hand and tells me "it's alright".
Once I hear those two words, I can go back to sleep.
Doesn't prevent the nightmares or moderate them, but it is a gentle way out of them.

Dogs Turn.
Flashbacks happen without warning nowadays and I just switch off. Middle of the road, shopping, taking a shower, walking the dog. Lights out, I'm there reliving things.
Dog instantly stops me roving. Barging me into the kerb to keep me safe sort of thing.
Then I get "the wash!" Instant wake up. In shops if anyone puts their hand on me when i'm switched off, I wake up. Confused but now safe.

Now my nastiness comes out. I'm not alone with the lack of a therapists magic cure.
Often it's the same song from therapists. Repeated word perfect, and straight out of the textbook. Do this son and you'll be OK.
Nope, and I guess I'm one of them statistics where 75% of people don't win.

Want to see the dog?

Well big enough to push me out of harms way.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

There are so many great tips here, I love this. In very anxious times I struggle more with this. I get these nightmares that stick with you and they just ripple in my body for hours. I'm not saying this will always work. But 2 things I have found helpful:

Have a routine of getting up at the same time and doing things in exact order

That way, while my mind is reeling, I only think one task ahead (change in day clothing, put pillows and straighten sheets and bed cover, take meds with water, open windows, make coffee, make breakfast and so on.

That way I am not trying to make decisions of what is next while I'm still anxious and can't decide if the sky is blue lol. So I have like hour and a half of things I do automatically, while my brain is still processing. Sometimes that doesn't feel great, but after finishing it all I am still calmer than at the start.

Music you find happy/soothing OR even better, podcast of something interesting with a host with soft pleasant voice. While I had music app, one of my favorites was Kalyn Nicholson. I think it's Coffee with Kalyn or something like that. And she would talk about productivity and mental health and order and confidence and pursuing your dreams. Waking to this while doing my bed and breakfast and so on, shifts from the feeling the nightmare leaves which is this unsettling nausiating weakness radiating through me. And her positivity and goal oriented approach with all the understanding she has, always made me feel more positive. I believe a good podcast can really help when you just don't feel like being present or mindful. Just shifting your attention a bit.

 

[beckyblue10]

There are so many great tips here, I love this. In very anxious times I struggle more with this. I get these nightmares that stick with you and they just ripple in my body for hours. I'm not saying this will always work. But 2 things I have found helpful:

Have a routine of getting up at the same time and doing things in exact order

That way, while my mind is reeling, I only think one task ahead (change in day clothing, put pillows and straighten sheets and bed cover, take meds with water, open windows, make coffee, make breakfast and so on.

That way I am not trying to make decisions of what is next while I'm still anxious and can't decide if the sky is blue lol. So I have like hour and a half of things I do automatically, while my brain is still processing. Sometimes that doesn't feel great, but after finishing it all I am still calmer than at the start.

Music you find happy/soothing OR even better, podcast of something interesting with a host with soft pleasant voice. While I had music app, one of my favorites was Kalyn Nicholson. I think it's Coffee with Kalyn or something like that. And she would talk about productivity and mental health and order and confidence and pursuing your dreams. Waking to this while doing my bed and breakfast and so on, shifts from the feeling the nightmare leaves which is this unsettling nausiating weakness radiating through me. And her positivity and goal oriented approach with all the understanding she has, always made me feel more positive. I believe a good podcast can really help when you just don't feel like being present or mindful. Just shifting your attention a bit.

Thank you so much for these lovely and very useful tips. I have been using them and also have been doing the morning routine which helps me so much. Mine is wake up drink a glass of water, put headphones and shoes on, listen to 90s hip-hop loads and walk around for ten minutes outside, I can be in my pjs, unwashed, it's just about getting the cold air on my face. Then got home, put shower on and get in (which some days are incredibly hard) get dressed and make up. Then write my fears and resentments, meditate and then eat. But the end of all that I am functional again. The body knows ways to heal if we allow ourselves to listen to it. So glad to find my community on here xxxx