Post One

[PetalChaos]

Hi... my name is Pete. I have alot of trouble talking to anyone in the real world about anything to do with how I got to be the “weird” person I am today so I thought this might be somewhere safe to practice opening up and test out how people respond to me.

I was recently diagnosed by my psychiatrist with avoidant personality disorder and I’ve been in treatment for the past 18 months with a very experienced psychologist to overcome fairly severe depression and anxiety mostly brought about by some incredibly delightful parenting. I’ll soon be starting group therapy which I’m quite apprehensive about but I’ve learnt the key to getting better is to just keep chugging along and keep experimenting even if I have such little energy that I can’t open my eyes.

I suppose I haven’t said much about the circumstances that got me to this point but maybe I’ll leave that for another post. I have a sordid history of traumatizing others with my stories to the point where they never talk to me again.

Oh yeah... I’m queer. Always good to get that out of the way from the outset.

See ya round! P

 

[amethist]

Hi PetalChaos

Welcome to the forum.

I hope you find what you are looking for here, and that you can feel safe enough to practise your skills in connecting to others.

In time when you feel more confident, you will share more of your story and journey with PTSD.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Jade-]

Hello PetalChaos. Welcome to the forum.

 

[PetalChaos]

Hi Amethist and Jadebear. Thanks for the welcomes. You're both gems!

 

[cherryblossom]

Welcome to the forum PetalChaos.

I seriously doubt if you are 'wierd' or 'queer', after all what is 'normal'? Are any of us normal? I prefer to think of people as unique!

Take your time with talking about what brought you here, there's no rush. Also don't let your fear of traumatizing others with your story put you off. People here have PTSD for all sorts of reasons and many share their stories here. We take responsibility for ourselves. Personally, if I begin to read something that may upset me, I just stop reading, simple.

You actually don't mention PTSD in your post. Do you have PTSD? I'm just curious.

Regards,
CB

 

[PetalChaos]

Hi cherryblossom,


I sure do have PTSD. I was a little scattered when I wrote my original post so I guess I left alot out. If my father was ever evaluated by a mental health professional I’m fairly sure that he would be diagnosed as an extreme psychopath. He’s glib and charming and a fine upstanding member of the community. Well that’s what they say in the newspaper. Really. I’ve completely cut him and anyone connected to him out of my life as even a phone call from him sets me off into a comatose state for at least a week. If he finds out that I’ve spoken to a relative they cop his abuse and threats for months afterwards.

I have all the usual symptoms – flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, guilt, insomnia, I’m only 30 and my hair is almost completely white(!!! – argh the vanity), chronic depersonalisation/derealisation, bruxism, intestinal issues, migraines, non-existent self-esteem, depression, interpersonal avoidance etc the list is endless. I’ve done CBT and some exposure therapy for specific incidents with my therapist and I’m getting more skilled at controlling the symptoms.

I guess I should clarify that by queer I meant gay. It’s not something I intend to go on about but just stating it as something to know about me.

Thanks for your input.
P

 

[stillbroken]

PetalChaos,

I can certainly identify with parts of your story. I, too, had an abusive childhood, and no one that met my mom wanted to believe me. She was just so sweet and loving...to everyone else.

It's very much been a tough row to hoe for me, and it sounds like it has been for you, as well. Here's to this forum being beneficial to both of us.

Oh, and I too, am queer. In the GLBT way. Well, I'm kind of weird, too.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Pete
Ha, thanks for clarifying 'queer'. It would never have occured to me that is what you meant!

Glad to hear you are getting your symptoms under control.

Regards, CB