Pretending To Be Ok

[Sideways]

@gizmo - YES!! Totally! Strangers? Pfft, I'm F.I.N.E.
There are fringe benefits to faking it sometimes - people talk about the weather...weather chitchat I can handle:)

 

[digger]

I wondered if others do this. Pretend to be ok when you're actually not,

I think everyone does to some extent, and personally, I don't think it's all bad.

There can be some benefits to it sometimes I think. Positive Mental Attitude and all that.

There are some people and situations where I don't think it would be safe to show what's going on with me inside. There are some people and situations where I don't think it would be appropriate to show what's going on with me inside.

I think it gets unhealthy when we stop being able to acknowledge to ourselves that things aren't okay. When we go into denial or minimisation mode - and I am guilty of both of these.

There is a difference with saying 'I'm fine. Nothing wrong here.' and 'I'm not fine but I need to put it to one side for a bit'

 

[snarfus]

I’ve done it all my life and I don’t see that stopping any time soon.

Part of that is functioning in society, and that’s OK.

Part of that is never letting anyone see me as wounded, or to see the real me, because that puts me at risk of being invalidated or preyed upon.

So pretending to be OK is a survival skill. :sneaky:

I suppose I am a damned good liar/actor, or maybe I am just that polite. ;)

I can go to pieces when I get back to my hidey-hole, but until then, everything’s A-OK. :playful:

It takes a lot of effort to maintain the façade.

But to be honest, no, everything isn’t OK. Far from it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm not ok.

Neither am I....

I wondered if others do this. Pretend to be ok when you're actually not, at all? I've done it all my life (probably because of my abuser). Well I'm done pretending. No more forced smiles, no more pretending, that's it. Until I'm better, I will not pretend to be ok.

Have done it, at times still do it but thats due to the eviroment im in of two non-supportive, non-understanding family memebers.

I was in denial for 10 yrs (18 - 28); I pushed down what I could, forgot what I could, said what I couldnt forget didnt happen (you tend to believe yourself) and all it got me was a drug addiction.

So thats an awesome step! Good for you to take the step of aknowledgement and getting better! Proud of you! :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

All my life I've pretended it's ok, but sometimes it seeps through the cracks. :( Usually provided I can get way fast enough I can hide it though.

It's funny though; mostly I find it either very necessary, or good, or both. But exhausting for sure.

The strange thing is though, sometimes dropping my guard still doesn't involve a lot of dropping. I'm not going to be the one to cry on anyone's shoulder, because Idk how, & I can't see how I could trust anyone that much. Plus, I would feel like I'm harming them, most of all. That being said, it's not 'good' to look happy & end up on a very high window sill. :(

I don't find it a bad thing though, nor 'untruthful', except for with Suicidal Ideation/ planning then I feel like I'm lying (can't say goodbye).

 

[Gadgie]

Yea! I must admit I'm guilty of that as well, if I'm asked how I am doing, I always say I'm fine, OK, no problems, when inside I'm stressed out like a guitar string!

I think it's because, if I told them the truth, they wouldn't be bothered, and probably regret they asked?

 

[Sideways]

@Gadgie - Someone asks how I am, and I think, "If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want to know the answer to that question"! So we suck it up & tell 'em it's all rainbows & butterflies & they become one person whose day I haven't destroyed today!!

 

[Tinyflame]

Actually, it's good not to think for others. Though I wouldn't say anything to someone I didn't trust or didn't have my back.

I prefer if people tell me the truth about how they are.

Doesn't being understood matter more? It does to me. I don't have to show I feel awful, if I know someone 'gets' stuff they understand, & hopefully I do that back for others.

I guess though I don't want people to know, fear it will be held against me, or like blood-in-the-water around sharks, or feel like I'm not very brave/ whiny, ungrateful,. Too private. It's easier for me to say I'm terrified too than I've given up. I suppose, for obvious reasons/ don't want to draw attention/ not to let on.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

they become one person whose day I haven't destroyed today!!

Just an FYI, if you told me the truth of how you were, even if we were friends in real life, you wouldnt be "destroying" me and it would help me better to know how to be there for you.

Just my 2 cents on at least the sort of friend I am. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Well, I think there's something to be said for pretending to be ok, after some months of admitting I'm not. Going to start thinking positively from now on.

 

[Nevermore]

I pretended to be ok for many years. It has become harder and harder to do that though now but to be honest I wish I could put on a better face!
I get confused about all this. They say you should reach out and be open about how you feel but in reality it frightens people and they don't know what to do. It doesn't work.

 

[ladee]

@jojo88, it does work if you talk to people who understand. Your T, groups of people with PTSD, here, and if you are lucky, someone close to you who would be willing to learn about it... But in the meantime, we have HERE... and it can't get much better than this... no matter what, I come here, and someone here understands. Says things that make sense, validate me, make suggestions... It does work if you talk to the right people.