Preventing The Crash?

[lostforgottensoul]

The other point is that I don't care when I have a therapy appointment, when I get home I have to sleep. Just have to.

I used to when I had 2 week days off. I slept for a good while. Now I am forced to work Mon - Fri so I can't as I have to work after. If I had a choice I'd have that day off. We try to make it on a Fri so I can process on the weekends but even then its like I don't "work" as hard in therapy, if that makes sense. Like mental work. If I do then I numb it away during compartmemtalizing that I do to work.

Is working causing too much stress? I had to stop working because of the stress and pain.

Most likely but I don't have a choice. I also have chronic pain. I have an internal pain pump delivering 3 medications directly to my spine. Without it I can't walk. Even with it I am VERY limited.

The pain will wake me but the meds do well at keeping me asleep. Or at least I dont remember it. But it will if I am not sitting right (I have to sleep in a recliner to keep all my weight on my butt) and my leg moves wrong or when my knees get stuck and I tried bend them. Several things pain wise will wake me. But I go back to sleep pretty easy. The meds do their job well.

My job is VERY stressful. People screaming at me all day, literally. But waiting for disabilty takes a long time and I am single without anyone. Whom would support me while I am waiting years for it? And if I work while waiting but telling them I can't work....that doesn't make any sense. Plus, disabilty, I am sure, is less then my wage now. I am struggling (or will be once my savings is gone) to pay for just bare min with my current wage.

So, I don't know. The longer I work the more disabilty I will be given so I figure work until I cannot possibly anymore. My pain will get worse and there is nothing more the doctors can do. So just speaking of pain, that will eventually cause me to not be able to work. But until then...

My dog sleeps on the bed next to me and if I get too active in a nightmare, he is trained to walk over me and lick my face to wake me and then lay on me to provide DPT . And to provide DPT upon request. But he is naked so no tags and though he snores loud, he doesn't wake me often unless he is doing so due to a nightmare.

The cats are another story.

 

[Sideways]

There's lots of "I can't..."s coming through in your posts, which I often get stuck on when my brain is sliding into the Helplessness/Hopelessness symptom of depression. And it's one helluva symptom that absolutely bowls me over.

I know 2 people who had sleep apnea which caused them to spontaneously fall asleep, much like someone with narcolepsy would. One of them had a c-pap that he didn't use. And he wasn't able to work. The other (my dad, skinny little mongrel!) had a custom pillow made to keep his head in a specific position while he sleeps. He's still gainfully employed, and since getting the pillow, has started going for a run in the morning again at age 69.

You can. If it's sleep apnea contributing here? You can fix this. You can, and we're all rooting for you. You're a warrior with all the stuff you've come through. Uncomfortable sleep? Your body adjusts, and it starts adjusting as soon as you're able to stop listening to your mind telling you the situation is hopeless and try it anyway.

You can, you can, you can. There is a crash coming, but you can go in a different direction and avoid the crash altogether. I'm gonna go one better and suggest that with all you've fought your way through, ultimately you will resolve this issue, take it in your stride like every other speed bump that's come your way.

With you Lost. Not giving up. Not by a long shot.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Ragdoll Circus, I didn't mean I can't have a sleep study done. I totally can do that, as long as it's in home. As far as I know the sleep there kind is on a bed and if I want to sleep at all or walk the next day I can't sleep on a bed (or my king sized bed wouldn't be an oversized dog bed). But totally can do the on home one. I don't like the idea of even a small c pap as I have a hard enough time making myself feel safe enough to sleep (with drugs) but if thats what it takes, bring it on. I just need to get it reordered. Or re-referred by my MD as it has expired.

 

[Sideways]

You bend over backwards when other people would just say, "I need a sleep study, but because I have ptsd, I need...".

You have a disability. It's okay to tell them that your disability means that some alterations might need to be made from the way things are usually done.

At the end of the day, you're the one paying for the medical treatment. They work for you. You're allowed to have needs. You're allowed to have limits and ask them to accommodate you rather than twisting yourself into a knot to accommodate them.

And you're worth it:)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"I need a sleep study, but because I have ptsd, I need...".

Hmmm, that never occured to me. I don't normally tell other Drs that unless I have to.

Though I am just worried about the c pap in general. But its kind of like saying "im not gonna get check for cancer as I am afraid I may have cancer". I dont know if I would need one unless I do it.

I am due to have a bunch of medical stuff done that i have put off. This isn't that as this pre dates that. I'm just saying that when it comes to medical stuff? I am a pro at putting it off. I think part of that is also my fear of doctors in general.

I don't know. Needs to be done though. For sure!

 

[Sideways]

I hear you! I'm not saying that they'll necessarily be able to accommodate a list of 'demands' as such.

But I think that all those "normal" people out there - they ask, you know? Like, "I'm afraid of needles, so I need...". The phlebotomist isn't necessarily going to be able to accommodate any and every demand that a person who's afraid of needles might make, but it gives them a starting point so the 2 of them can figure out a way to make it work...

Idk, but apparently putting your own needs first is something those "normal" people do all the time!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Idk, but apparently putting your own needs first is something those "normal" people do all the time!

Yeah, thats totally foregin to me too. Im like "i have needs?" Or "they dont matter" but always trying to please everyone else and basically be super woman for everyone else...but me.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Beem with my therapist 8 years this March. But, it took a year to yell him so thats 7, then...

@lostforgottensoul I was sleeping all the time and waking up so tired. Tested for sleep apnea. I had stopped breathing 109.8 times per hour. Now, I don't sleep perfectly yet I feel so much more rested now on cpap machine. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Freedomfighter]

So I have no idea what area this fits but I have been going through this cycle for a VERY lon...

Welcome to my world, your words resonate strongly with me. I couldn't stand up or the dizziness hit hard and I fell once because of it. I sit and tried to fight it and lost. Yes, that dizziness is debilitating and it really shows how destructive this condition is, also get the flu like symptoms and then the usual activities fall by the wayside because then I have to concentrate on self care. I had a hard time walking the past couple of days because this condition interferes with your motor skills big time. Very scary for sure.

I think there are so many ways in learning about what we need during those times. I have learned one thing: anyone that attempts to interfere with me during these periods gets the cold boot in the behind, because during those periods a PTSD sufferer has to totally concentrate on getting better.

And something like that always leads me to the realization that only a person that truly would understand and aid me in such processes could ever call themselves real friends, not to mention how abhorrent I find cheap people that attempt to interfere not only with my therapy but who attempt to interfere with people who do the right thing for me.

I hate cheap people with their dumb ass tactics. One problem is that their intelligence level does not allow them to recognize that unwanted behavior that is forced onto others is abusive, wait a minute, they do realize that, just laughing at belligerent people who do not know how to comfort a victim and a sufferer of PTSD. I am slowly learning that allowing a PTSD sufferer to come to terms with previous trauma and to teach them about it is worth more than a thousand words. And someone that respects me enough to make sure that my needs are met during such tough times does not have to say a single word to make me understand.
The cheap people get the instant gratification kind of attention. I get the kind of attention that allows me to heal and to understand the real difference between good and bad people.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I had stopped breathing 109.8 times per hour.

I know I don't stop breathing when I sleep. I was tested for that in the hospital one of the times I had pnemonia. I don't remember why they tested me but did.

But I know stopping breathing is just one part of sleep apena. My MD I had that I don't have anymore as he went to the VA hospital thought for sure I had sleep apena. I am so sure I have narcolepsy. It is just REM sleep happening within a few mins rather then 100 to 110 mins. REM sleep is where dreaming happens. I can be asleep for just a few mins and be dreaming. It is common that I fall asleep for, say, 5 mins and wake up and remember a dream. Thats not a normal sleep cycle. I also have Cataplexy, or what I would call cataplexy. Sudden weakness. Sudden muscle weakness during waking hours. I report suddenly feeling very weak often. I also don't have the normal sleep paralysis, while asleep. Your brain causes paralysis during sleep to keep you in bed. I will go off running. And have so often that I had to angle my recliner afraid that I will run through my window. I hurt myself in my sleep. I do all sorts of stuff in my sleep. I have always walked in my sleep but do it more during higher stressful times.

Anyway, def sleep stuff I need to look at. I think the biggest thing that has kept me from doing a sleep study is that. What I do in my sleep. Its rather embarassing for me. So yeah, need to get over that and just do it.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

@lostforgottensoul I do not know - what are night terrors? You said that you hurt yourself in your sleep and do all sorts of stuff in your sleep? I wish you would have that sleep study. Just my caring that is all - not diagnosing or parenting. I care @lostforgottensoul. (hugs)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

what are night terrors?

Night terror - Wikipedia

Personally, I am a very active sleeper. I will kick, hard, punch, hard, and wake up running, crawling, etc. My ex placed pillows between us so I would stop kicking and hitting him. I do wake striaght up, eyes wide open. I often wake up still dreaming as once I woke up, walking and looked awake but was screaming at my step mom for something "she did" but she didn't actually do. I have also woken up terrified as for at least 10 secs I had no idea who my dad was.

Much of it is lessened due to my dog waking me and I don't call them night terror but rather bad nightmares.

The hurting myself in my sleep was helped when the clonidine was put in my internal pain pump. Actually much of the nightmare stuff was helped. Still occur but does so much less.

Thank you for caring about me! :hug: