Problems In Therapy (again)

[macca]

the most important thing is to be able to remember the progress you have been able to make. I know for myself that so often I do find it so hard and just want I give up on it all and everything so much, but do still believe that true freedom is possible as we have the courage to really walk forwards and not pretend we do not have those fears, but have the courage to face them

You have a good point - I have made some progress, even though I feel it's difficult now. And you caught me out too - I have been trying to go back to pretending nothing is wrong. I have got to try not to do that.

 

[HelenB]

I think I have had so much experience myself with going back to that place that it relates in some ways too, but know I am slowly realising that just trying to make it all go away does not ever really work and that it really is possible to find freedom from going through and facing it.

That will be hard, and often the more progress I make the more I want to run as there was a reason I shut it all out in the first place but I do still believe that facing it and finding the courage to go through it will bring freedom and am so glad that you really can see how much progress you have made and how that is such a good thing and will bring you closer into the freedom you deserve.

God bless
Helen

 

[digger]

Part of me also wants to "prove" myself to her, but I really don't think I can be bothered. What would be the point? I have at least decided now that I don't feel safe enough with her to trust her to do the EMDR after all.

This sentence out of all that you've said is the one that concerns me most about this relationship. You really shouldn't be feeling like you need to 'prove' anything to anyone, least of all your therapist. You don't feel safe with her. And you don't trust her. Both of these are vitally important. I struggle with trust issues with everyone, including my therapist, but I on an adult level at least I am able to recognise that she is a 'trustworthy' person. It is not sounding like you have even this now.

I think making an appointment to give her the opportunity to clarify things could be good, but I think you need to let her know that the way she's doing things, and the things she is saying, is making you consider giving up.

 

[macca]

I think making an appointment to give her the opportunity to clarify things could be good, but I think you need to let her know that the way she's doing things, and the things she is saying, is making you consider giving up

Yes, I probably ought to try and sort this out. I'm just feeling pretty negative about my chances I guess. I thought something similar was sorted before, but it just seems to have gotten worse. I am full of self-doubt now, worse than ever. Maybe I trusted too much, maybe I don't trust enough. I don't know anymore. But - well, I can only try. One thing though - I thought I could tell if somebody liked me. I don't think she does. Then again, it might be all in my head. Who can really know?

 

[digger]

Maybe email her with your concerns about how it's left you feeling and that you're unsure if you wish to continue with her because of it?

 

[macca]

Yes, that would be probably the best option, but she doesn't use one (not on her business card anyway). I guess I'll have to see her. Hmm, doesn't fill me with excitement, or hope. Oh well, worst case is I'll know what she meant, and I'll have closure on it if I don't continue.

I'm actually a little scared to cancel the EMDR and ask for a regular session though, due to her negative reaction yesterday. I tried to consider her holidays the first time by not contacting her sooner (she only went back the day before the appointment, and I called that morning thinking it was my first opportunity). I'm not at all sure that she'll take it well if I change it again. She told me that I must consider that she books a double-session for it, and it is inconvenient if I cancel. It might not be enough notice (it would be only 5 days notice). But I don't want to go through with something like this, just for the sake of it.

I didn't want to jump in straight away and cancel, as I was so shell-shocked by what she had said, and wanted to consider it. She saw it as selfish last time. I'm usually considered to be selfless, way too much so. Again - confusion! Arrggh! How much time is "normal" for a cancellation? This is doing my head in! :banghead:

 

[digger]

I'm actually a little scared to cancel the EMDR

This is about what is right for you, not what is convenient or inconvenient for her.

(it would be only 5 days notice).

5 days notice is plenty. My counsellor asks 48 hours notice of cancellation of appointments and I think that's pretty standard.

 

[HelenB]

Therapy is for you not her. It is not selfish and is incredibly important that you do know that you are safe and ready if you do do this EMDR.

She should be aware of this and I do find it very concerning that she is putting these pressures on you. Ultimately I really do believe it is so important that you consider YOU and know that this is the most important thing. Even if it is inconvenient for her you do have to do what is right for you and that is not selfish, it it listening to and ensuing you keep yourself safe, which is what the whole focus of therapy should be about too and should be her main concern and priority too.

I really hope you are able to talk through things with her and find some clarity and peace so you can decide and work out for yourself what the best way forwards to really protect and support you as you are working through all these things.

God bless
Helen

 

[macca]

Thanks. I will cancel and ask for a regular session. I'm pretty sure she won't like it, but the thought of doing EMDR right now, with her, freaks me out. It's going to be hard to make myself go to the next session! :chicken::nailbiting::(

 

[ill]

macca - Just explain that you aren't/do not feel safe enough for EMDR but you do need and want a regular session so that you can work on that safety. It's the truth, being aware and assertive of your boundaries is proactive and it's exactly the kind of progress I'd think a t would want their client/patient to practice and develop, it gives her time to reconfigure her schedule, and it gives the two of you an opportunity to communicate and work through those safety issues so that you can decide if this is a miscommunication or misunderstanding that can be resolved or if you need to end the relationship.

I'm only at the beginning of the trust-building part of my EMDR but I cannot imagine an EMDR specialist wanting or pressuring a patient into doing EMDR when they're not feeling safe already. That's so messed up and it's dangerous.

I'm pretty sure that respecting your own needs and boundaries is never a bad thing to do, and I hope that you remember that during your appointment no matter what happens. You doing what's best and right for you is exactly what your t should be encouraging you to do, and if it's not, then she's definitely not a good, healthy fit for you.

 

[ill]

Also, her negative reactions or responses are on her. You are not responsible for them. You're responsible for your feelings and your boundaries and she's responsible for hers. Cancellations happen, and if she needs to be informed within a certain time frame, it's her duty to convey that time frame to you.

 

[Lucycat]

Anyway, my T told me she thought I was Histrionic.

Did she say 'Histrionic' or did she say 'Histrionic Personality Disorder'. There is a huge difference which needs clarification.

In my opinion, she is trying to convey that you probably *were* stable enough for EMDR but were over emphasising or over dramatising that you did not feel ready. I agree with everybody else who say that you are in charge of your EMDR. However I wonder if her intention was for you to go away and consider it, if maybe you could have managed EMDR but were scared. This is not meant as a criticism, as I have bailed out of EMDR myself in the past when I just felt I couldn't do it. However I wonder if she is encouraging you to look deep for inner strength to rise to the challenge?

Just my tuppence worth!