So, repeated slamming noises tweak me out because that was my abuser's prelude to acting out. I was at a drill today with lots of stress and even the presence of a person who sometimes triggers me (not an abuser, just an unfortunate circumstance), and I was calm as a cucumber right up until the end of the drill, where there was a door that would slam very hard right where my group was debriefing. I made it through the debrief, feeling my nerves stirring, and then for some reason I didn't move away. My group was there, but we didn't need to be in a group any more. I think I was starting to zone. I mentioned what was happening in passing to my group leader and he immediately suggested we go for a walk to the other side of the room. I didn't have to explain much to him. He sort of described what was happening to me. He must either have or work with PTSD.
Anyway, overall it went well. I was proud of myself for recognizing what was happening. I'm still not great at then taking care of myself (moving away from the situation). I guess I still think that self-talk will fix it. Sometimes self-talk slows the triggering down, but I can't stay on guard every moment, and eventually my nerves get frayed.
I guess I'm debriefing on what happened. I'm glad my team leader has an idea about my limitation and seems very caring and understanding. That makes me feel a lot better about future activities with them.
Mary
Anyway, overall it went well. I was proud of myself for recognizing what was happening. I'm still not great at then taking care of myself (moving away from the situation). I guess I still think that self-talk will fix it. Sometimes self-talk slows the triggering down, but I can't stay on guard every moment, and eventually my nerves get frayed.
I guess I'm debriefing on what happened. I'm glad my team leader has an idea about my limitation and seems very caring and understanding. That makes me feel a lot better about future activities with them.
Mary
