Projecting

[BlackbirdSinging]

My therapist told me today that I'm projecting some of my abuse onto someone very close to me and that it's causing me to have an aversion to this person. I can feel myself doing it and I try to keep the reactions to myself until I can talk to my therapist about it. But I'm still trying to process this out and figure out what it means. And why I'm doing it. Has anyone else every done this?

 

[snappy_turtle]

Yes, and sadly I'm going through it at the moment too. I know it's natural for people to project onto others. Everyone does it, and it's normal natural behavior. We project the good and the bad. Even if you didn't use your words, think of your emotions and feelings as bouncy balls.....now imagine you feeling something in the presence of another person in a closed off room. Your energy is going to be projected off the walls onto them. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so I can't hold back how I feel even if I try to (my face does weird things when I try to do this and it's evident that something's wrong, unfortunately).

But I'm still trying to process this out and figure out what it means.

Don't over-think it. Just acknowledge that you are doing so, and then be mindful of it every time that you are. The best way is to be aware, and that will help you control it.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Don't over-think it. Just acknowledge that you are doing so, and then be mindful of it every time that you are. The best way is to be aware, and that will help you control it.

Not over think? I wish I could do that :p.

The thing that gets me is I know what it is to project. To blame someone else for what you're doing basically. But in this context I'm not sure how I'm projecting something like abuse done to me that I clearly didn't do to myself onto someone else. That's what's got me a little confused.

 

[snappy_turtle]

Not over think? I wish I could do that .

Do as I say, not as I do. Haha. I have been many times accused of overthinking, and I recognize when I do it too, I just can't seem to stop. It's something I'm working on.

I think what your therapist means is that your projecting your frustration, your anger, your insecurities etc onto them. That you're using them as an outlet for your feelings of what happened to you.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Blackbird,

Yes I have. When looking at projection its probably important to realise that it is something we find too painful to hold ourselves and so we place it on someone else. I wondered if transference is also a big part of what is happening for you?

Here is a quote about transference and projection, "No. Some claim they are the same because psych can become convoluted (duh) to the point meanings are no longer clear to the novice. However, on exact examination, projection is ‘caused’ by the transference. Transference is ‘activated in the person, and projection is the release of that transference out of the person. One treater said, “I hope you know, all this anger you are projecting on to me is not my anger, it is YOUR anger.” The client coolly said, “Can you think of anything better to do with it? (Gabbard)"

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

Thank you for your input. I appreciate it. It kind of helps me to put this into perspective. I think the projecting I'm doing isn't as much of something I've done that I'm putting onto this person. But rather it feels to me more like I'm transferring what other people have done to me onto this person because they at one point did something that made me feel extremely uncomfortable. It wasn't abusive but it made me so uncomfortable. And it happened after I'd already been abused by one person and was in a long process of being conditioned by a different person for more abuse that happened later.

I need to add that this apparently makes me feel very uncomfortable to open up about. I'd written a long post explaining this more thoroughly but I got so uncomfortable that I deleted what I wrote and only left the paragraph above. I'm a little embarrassed now.

The point I was going to make is just that now I seem to be reacting to this person as if I was reacting to one of my abusers.