Psychopath Made Contact

[Echo]

@EvenStrongerNow - you did a beautiful, humane and compassionate thing in allowing his mother to be with him when he died. You should be really proud of yourself for that.

Of course, you were scared and you were angry, after what he did to you. It is so hard that we have to react in this way when we are finally safe. But it is the pathway to healing and your therapist will help you deal with all of this. You are grieving what could have been otherwise than it turned out with him. You are grieving the loss to yourself and you are grieving for the damage this man did to his own life. Despite all that, you did the right thing and let his mother know. She will be eternally grateful to you for that, whatever she thinks otherwise. I suspect your ex will have realised that by doing so, you found it in your heart to treat him and his mother in a humane way. He may even have felt it was a form of forgiveness.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Hi @billie , I am not traveling. I'm confused lol

@Echo, he died Tuesday night. He was not conscious the entire time so he would not know that I was able to help get the information to his mother.

 

[Echo]

@EvenStrongerNow - he did contact you though, didn't he? Maybe he just knew you would do what you did. And people can be aware even when they are not conscious. Either way, his soul will have known, and his mother certainly did. Please don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I get what you mean.

No. He didn't actually contact me. I made my thread title that, actually, I don't know why I titled it as such. I felt an inadvertent contact by a trauma. I started reliving just by the thought of him.

My Dad's number was in his wallet with my name on it so the hospital called my Dad to ask for me because they were trying to get in touch with his family.

 

[Echo]

However it happened, you did a noble thing, when you were so scared. I don't want to impose my beliefs on you, but I would say, it was all meant to be. Contact between your souls, offering the opportunity for healing and forgiveness. I apologise if you don't see it that way. I don't by any means seek to minimise your pain.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

No, not at all. That's why I mentioned how the experience is so profound to me. I can't think of a better word, but it did seem like a connection between healing and forgiveness to me. It was a really strange experience. Again, I can't think of the right word.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I was just blow drying my hair and Oh! I get now. You were talking about contact, contact.

Oh yes. We all have different beliefs. I'm not offended at all. That's why we are here, to learn from each other and have connections, right? Personally, I find entertaining that thought to be quite peaceful and I wouldn't mind a discussion about it :)

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Is that what @billie meant by "traveling" Oh my :laugh:

K, now I feel like I'm in my own little world.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

His Mom emailed me. She said she would like to speak with me and gave me her phone number. She also said that she has never stopped loving me.

I'm really excited that she mailed me, but I'm also very nervous about calling her. What would I say to the woman whose only son just died?

Do I tell her I am married? Do I tell her about all the great things I am doing? :/

 

[Powder]

I would ask my therapist before responding. But that's just me. Besides judging how healthy a relationship or person she might be, there is the added complications that come with the son's existence and role in your life, that as much as you care about her, cannot be removed, not even by his death.

If she just wants to thank you for putting her in touch with her son, then great, but maybe I'd take a friend or your spouse with you for support.

If she wants you to help her plan a memorial service, then I'd feel the need to have that non-emotional support person there to help avoid hurting her feelings by saying you are glad you could help, and as much as you want to help, you can't get further involved due to your own plans and projects. ;)

I don't know that's what she's seeking, but I don't know how clued in she is to the "reality that bites" and to what occurred or who he was. So often, mothers do not know the extent of their adult children's real lives.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I don't think she would ever ask me to help with the plans. In fact, I know that for sure.

I don't know what she is seeking either. I think maybe I will just sit on it for a few days before I respond. She just asked me to call her. I am like 6 hours away from her. She didn't ask for a visit.

She does know the reality of her son. She and I were really close and I told her everything. That probably wasn't healthy, but in one breath, she told me that I should leave him so many times and in another, told me I was the angel she had been praying for to come into his life and that she knew that I was keeping him alive.

That's part of what kept me so stuck with him. At first I thought it was just a mother being nice, but now I realize she was telling the truth 100%--about keeping him alive.

She knew how he was. He was like this when he was a kid also and it's the reason she divorced his father--because his father was a sadistic man--her words.

I just want to make sure she is not reaching out to me, after ignoring me for three years (though understandable), as a way to latch onto a part of him since he and I had history together. She is vulnerable right now, but so am I. I have to take that into consideration even though I adore her so much.

Thanks for your support. This is really helping me to go through my thoughts and emotions as they come up. I really appreciate you coming along side of me.

 

[Powder]

You expressed my thoughts exactly, that you are vulnerable. I'm not a big fan of people wanting someone to be with someone to keep them alive. Angels deserve other angels. :)

I'm sure she just wanted to thank you, but I agree to take a while or don't call at all. Since she understood, most likely she won't blame you for leaving him or his death, but who knows what people are going to come up with while grieving.

The point is you did the right thing and you owe nothing. If anything, she should apologize for not saying "RUN AWAY!" back then.:)