Relationship Ptsd And Currently Deployed

[Whitley]

My husband was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression after his first tour in Iraq. After MANY years of work, he was finally in a good place and that is when we met. Right after we got married, we were notified that he would be deploying again. Almost immediately a lot of his old problems started appearing again just with the thought of the deployment. He stopped sleeping, he constantly had anxiety and chest pain and as the deployment got closer, the symptoms got worse.

He is there now and I can tell he is having major issues with all of this and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. During his first deployment he cut off all contact with his family (15 months) and he is starting to show signs of that again. He says that he is "not well" and that he's pushing me away because it makes it easier for him to cope. When he does contact me, he picks fights and is very combative. This is very unlike him. He's the calmest, kindest person I know. I know he's also not sleeping. (another problem he faced last deployment)

I spoke to a friend that I have who is deployed with him just to see how he is doing from their perspective. They said it's very obvious he's not sleeping and that he is having a hard time, but that they are watching him for signs of something more. That for now to not worry too much.

So what do I do when he's pushing me away? Do I continue to write him? Do I give him his space? What do I do when he flat out tells me his PTSD is bothering him? He will never admit it to anyone there with him and he wont seek help until he's home. He has too much pride to be sent home from a deployment over it. He would see it as failing. But last time it took him 2 years after he returned before he could function in any kind of way. I dont want him to get to this point again. I'm just at a loss. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SRE7267]

Hi Whitley -

Never stop writing him :) Deployments are incredibly difficult as you know and it sounds like your husband is having a really difficult time. He may be pushing you away in order to better cope but as his wife, as his supporter and as someone who loves him, don't back away from him. Even though he may not think he wants to have your support, it's still really important for him to remain somewhat connected -- on some level, it will help him. My guy was similar in that he would cut everyone off -- this was his way of dealing... but I found that letter writing was the perfect way to keep in contact. There was no pressure for skyping if he didn't want, there was no pressure for him to have to respond to an email I sent... letters were written to simply remind him that I am here, that he's on my mind, etc, etc. I would just tell him about the random on goings of my life being as descriptive as possible so he could imagine the scenery, the people and the environment so that I could provide him a moment of "escape" if he chose to go there. I never received a hand written letter back, but I would get an email when he was feeling ready and that allowed for us to have safe, comforting conversation. It was always on his terms for when he reached out to me, but I knew that on the days he did reach out, that he was ready and in a good place. I continued to write him every week on a schedule. Sometimes it would be a month before I heard anything from him, sometimes a week, sometimes two months... it varied. But I never lost sight of the fact that I was keeping him connected to me, to him home, to his life outside of his deployment and even though never expressed specifically, I know that he appreciated it. I let him do things on his own time, but never once let him think that I wasn't here. That's important.

Unfortunately you do not have the ability to physically see with your own eyes how he is acting, if he is sleeping, etc, etc. Deployments take a huge toll on our soldiers. Lack of sleep is considered the norm, high stress due to having to remain alert and ready at all times takes a huge toll on their bodies, not to mention everything else that they are exposed to and going through. But if I've ever learned anything, writing them is incredibly important, even if you don't get a response back. Don't stop writing!

All the best to you and your husband. Praying for his safe return!

 

[journey31]

Can you contact his CO about it