Other Ptsd and emotionally unstable personality disorder

[lostforgottensoul]

I get what you are saying @joeylittle (and please forgive me if Im going off topic). I don't mean to invailidate anyone's actual experience or how unmanaged BPD or PTSD or anything looks like and is experienced like by the outsiders experiencing it. That's not what I was saying.

I saw several comments within the last 2 weeks, I believe, that stated something to the effect of "i've had X many bad experiences with BPDer so I don't want anything to do with anyone with BPD" or "all BPDers are so XYZ". I wasn't pointing to the actual bad experience but the judging of all BPDers are like XYZ or are to be avoided.

And totally not saying @Werewoman did this, she actually did just the opposite. I just so happened to express it here.

But i've seen it here quite a few times recently. Actually in the 'why is Borderline Personality bad' or whatever thread. An emtire thread of why BPDers are seen badly.

That's why I was saying it's seeming to be the pitbull of mental disorders. One or a few bad fhen all bad.

I never really saw that on here much if any until the last few weeks. I do think it's under education for sure.

But I am not meaning to disregard anyone's actual experience except to educate that that's unmanaged BPD or educate how BPD is. But it's just irking me of how often recently I am seeing that.

/rant. Sorry to take the thread off topic. Though I don't believe EUPD exists and that is actually BPD. So sorta on topic.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't like "EUPD"

The name is a lie!

(Latin chick here.)

"Eu" means good and there is NOTHING good about that personality disorder! Or any personality disorder, to be fair.

"Good personality disorder"------?

Uhm no.

I'll stick with borderline. There's no "eu" about it lol.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

EU = "Emotional Unstable", not "good". It's not a word (as many English words come from latin words) but an acronym.

And I would say, just like many say that something good has come from PTSD (several threads about that), I have found many good things inside of DBT for normal life management. So not good to have, good things have come from managing it...successfully.

 

[Werewoman]

@lostforgottensoul
I think I understand why those with bpd don't get help. I think, at least in my mom's case, admitting to herself that something was wrong would make the horrors she endured growing up real. If you don't talk about it, it's easier to tell yourself it's not real. Heck, I never said a word to anyone until I was 40, and I don't have bpd.

@joeylittle
I have often wished I didn't love my mom so much so maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

True @Werewoman! Very true! I suppose denial is always easier. Not better but certianly easier.

 

[Sideways]

It can be really hard with personality disorders (any of them) to develop insight. Seeking help requires you to know that something is wrong.

With things like ptsd, depression, anxiety - there's a lot of hallmark traits that you can become aware of, sometimes quite easily. An example would be sleep disturbance: even if you've had it as long as you can remember, people chat about how they slept last night, you hear about good sleep patterns on tv, your gp will ask you about it, etc.

With personality disorders, insight can be really difficult, because personality disorders are fundamentally about how you view yourself and others, how you manage relationships - people might say a narcissist or someone with BPD or Anti-social PD has always been 'difficult', or 'different', or a bit volatile at times. Sometimes they're really likeable people. But being able to recognise that your personality is so warped that it requires medical intervention- that takes a lot (like, a LOT) of insight.

And while it's true that people with PDs often receive feedback about their personality ("You were totally outta line when you blew up at me yesterday"), it's pretty rare that the person giving that feedback knows enough about the disorder, and the person, to link their personality or behaviour to an actual disorder.

I've always thought it's pretty tough telling someone "you have a personality disorder that requires medical treatment". Since our personality is so integral to who we are, that's a pretty personal attack in a way.

BPD going untreated doesn't surprise me. At all. For a lot of people suffering BPD, I anticipate that they never receive much feedback that might be helpful to gaining insight that they have a problem. When feedback is given, it's more often just plain insults - "You're a tornado with your temper". Having the insight, and then courage, to know to seek medical help with that is a big ask. Especially with the attitude that BPDers seem to cop from within the mental health help professionals themselves.

The tragedy is, with untreated BPD, everyone suffers.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

When feedback is given, it's more often just plain insults - "You're a tornado with your temper".

True. Very true.

The tragedy is, with untreated BPD, everyone suffers

Indeed, I agree. But I am starting to see a pattern everywhere it seems, which is an equal tragedy is "BPDers must be avoided".

Makes me quite.sad.

 

[joeylittle]

It can be really hard with personality disorders (any of them) to develop insight.

I often think this is true of all mental illness, on a sliding scale. Harder for some diagnoses than others. I'm still quite baffled that I absolutely thought I failed at meeting the criteria for depression...for decades. I wasn't even trying to avoid it; I just had massive blind spots about my own symptoms, because of how I'd integrated them into my self-concept.

My schizophrenic father, on the other hand, learned over time that he was ill. It was told to him and taught to him, and he managed to function at a pretty high level just by never talking at work (or much at home). But to this day, he doesn't know how to differentiate his realities; he only knows that he can't be sure which is which, because he's been told he has delusions. But his personal (generally private) belief is that what he sees is the reality, and other people just don't understand it. He got good at removing himself from situations so he could preempt being forcibly removed.

My probably bipolar but maybe schizoaffective brother absolutely knows that he's got a mental illness, and he can track it when it's active and when it's dormant. He knows that there are times when he has lived in a non-reality, and he knows it's unhealthy. But it took him many years of wrestling with it before he started to know how to live with it.

Insight is important, and the more of it that people can cultivate, the easier it gets for them to navigate treatment.

PTSD seems to be something where the individual knows that something is wrong. They may want to be in denial about it, or lock it down, but they are pretty quickly aware that somethings not right. CPTSD, I'm not sure. Personality disorders, very hard for the individual to see what's actually happening, though it seems that once they do see it, it stays fairly clear to them. Perhaps because the only way they see it is truly through the eyes of a professional. Since, this is super-true:

it's pretty rare that the person giving that feedback knows enough about the disorder, and the person, to link their personality or behaviour to an actual disorder.

Much food for thought.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Personality disorders, very hard for the individual to see what's actually happening, though it seems that once they do see it, it stays fairly clear to them. Perhaps because the only way they see it is truly through the eyes of a professional.

I can see that. Even in myself whom suspected I had BPD years before I was diagnosed. Thinking back before, I thought thats how everyone feels emotions. Or, that there was nothing wrong with how I felt them. I am just depressed with a few other things but depression was *it* for me for a long while. I didn't realize i had the other symptoms or how it played out in my life.

Though, I also didnt start to explode until about a year before i moved back to Fl. And the timeframe that I knew nothing about BPD was before that. I had already researched BPD as much as one can research something before the explosions started.

Though I did seek free counsling for just depression and being suicidal and they advised more about BPD. Not diagnosed as they couldn't diagnosed people with anything.

I suppose my current therapist is whom enlightened me about all of it. And framed that way lets me see that i indeed lived with it before i realized anything was wrong other then being depressed and suicidal. So once i knew, it stays very clear to me. So it makes sense to me as to how people live with it without getting help. It's normal, not hell, and they don't have the insight of anything being wrong.

Hmm, thanks for that insight!

 

[Werewoman]

So it makes sense to me as to how people live with it without getting help. It's normal, not hell, and they don't have the insight of anything being wrong.

This makes perfect sense to me.
When I first began therapy in 2003, after a couple of sessions my therapist very nonchalantly handed me a book called "Understanding the Borderline Mother". I was underwhelmed. I had no idea why she did that...until a few days later when I started thumbing through it and found I couldn't put it down. It was like reading my life's story. After 40 years, I finally had a name to put to all the confusing, terrifying things I couldn't explain and never thought I would.
Once I finished devouring that book, I went online and read everything I could on BPD. I went to NIMH, BPDCentral, Psychcentral, just to name a few. I poured through the DSM-VI (at the time - this was pre-DSM-V). This was about my mother, and I was determined to get her the help she needed. I wrote letters encouraging, then begging her to please just go talk to someone one time and see what they say. Nope. Nada. You've always exaggerated. I'm fine, but I'm glad you're finally getting help, she would say. I became the crazy one, the family lunatic. Most of my family turned their backs on me. I understood both my mother's refusal to seek help and why all the people who were around when the worst of it was happening were riddled with guilt because they didn't know.
I made up my mind at a very young age to try to take the high road. Yes, there are days when I am red with rage and all I want is revenge, but those days are fewer and farther between. I will give her the mercy and respect she hasn't shown me. I know some of her story, most I've had to read between the lines and put the pieces together to a gigantic jigsaw puzzle, and while I am only guessing, I'm willing to bet whatever she survived from a very young age was worse than what she put me through.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

That's beautiful @Werewoman! Just your very understanding of BPD and why she did and does was she did and does. And for showing her mercy as you recongize she likely went through her own hell.

Just having someone that gets it is awesome as most don't.

I refused therapy too. Many people over the years tried to get me into therapy and i just flat out refused. I was terrified. And now that ive thought about it, i was terrified of telling someone. Of being found out. Of anyone knowing.

Frustrated the people enough that they left. I always wished they could be in my head for a day.

My family all turned their backs on me too. Gossips about me and judges me. Im the forever scapegoat of my family.

Meh :meh: Don't get me wrong. It hurts like hell. But they have enough drama for a millon drama queens. I got no time for that shit no more!