Relationship Ptsd and going quiet

[anon1234]

*wish you both

 

[Pippi427]

*wish you both

:p Thank you. Every day is a new struggle. It seems like once we make progress in one area, say his physical disabilities, something else happens, like work-related crap. Sometimes it's hard just having the energy to get up and fight another day.

 

[anon1234]

I completely understand, I’ve been there, in fact I’m going through this exact thing right now. I just try to focus on myself and my health and try not to run myself in the ground. When things are tough, I reach out to people on here I have befriended because my friends just don’t get it. Some of my friends wonder why I bother (and irritate me with unprovoked
monologues), but I don’t see him as someone with PTSD. I see him for who he is, which is a kind, loving and thoughtful man. There is just a complication.... but I don’t believe anyone is perfect - and if he was physically abusive or cheating it would be another thing.

 

[Pippi427]

Today is a struggle. We had a bad experience with an job headhunter a few weeks ago. I say *we* because I introduced her to him. He is new to the area and since some of our background does cross, I have been helping him network. This recruiter was very successful for me at a reputable headhunting firm many years ago...I don't know what happened to her since then. Anyway, long story short she was a complete BITCH to him. I was shocked. I saw it as her being remiss at her job. He saw it as the career world having yet another shitty opinion on his qualifications.

Being such a high achiever in the Army I don't think he anticipated the cutthroat nature of the job market where we live in the US and is starting to flounder because of his depression and repeated negative experiences. I've suffered through it myself here years ago. I keep kindly offering suggestions and providing new contacts for him at a slow, steady pace so as not to completely overwhelm him. Yesterday, he was bright and talkative. Today, I introduce him to a contact and he goes silent. Sheesh. See how I know this isn't personal now? :confused: Doesn't really make it any better, though. I guess this signals I have some time to study for my test at work now.

 

[anon1234]

Sorry that happened. Keep up your positive attitude. When I get ghosted, I always think, well at least I now have time to work on that thing I’ve been meaning to do! Hoping he feels better soon.

 

[Freida]

The transition from military to civilian world can be pretty complicated. Has he tried the local vet centers or unemployment office? They usually have contacts that hire vets first - then civilians. Or he can check out usajobs.com Lots of vet friendly jobs there

 

[Flip flop]

I will never understand why people put up with this in the beginning of a relationship.

It may not g...

Yep. I don’t understand it either. What is the supporter getting from a situation like that?

 

[Pippi427]

I did not go in to the relationship expecting to profit. When I love someone, I just love them. He seemed like he needed love and I am able to do it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @Pippi427 , for your kind reply above. I don't think most people want to complicate their life (or other's), people with ptsd too don't all want to be difficult or less-than. (Well just speaking for myself, anyway.)

 

[Flip flop]

I did not go in to the relationship expecting to profit. When I love someone, I just love them. He se...

I think I understand what you are saying. I was speaking in terms of the idea that individuals get emotional rewards from relationships. For some people, a sense of altruism might be rewarding. Sadly - I think - lots of very kind and compassionate people end up getting treated poorly. Forthrightly, I often think that many supporters deserve a helluva lot better treatment than they get from their significant other, and that is putting it mildly.

 

[anon1234]

I think your point of opinion is fair, but everybody here makes their own educated choices specific to the situations they are going through and come here for support.

 

[Tinyflame]

I wouldn't keep a relationship out of altruism, just me but that would infer pity and would be inherently unbalanced in power, too.

I do think everyone has their challenges, but what's a problem of character to one person is a refreshing character trait to another (not including abuse etc, of course). But I think if a person feels it's negative for them, they shouldn't feel obligated to stay. I think many people with ptsd think it's not fair to others they lose out on what they would have with an easier partner/ family member etc or no illness and it's complications to contend with. JMHO though.