Relationship Ptsd And Impulses?

[Invisible-Guy]

Hi CES, I was kinda thinking the same thing. Maybe you shouldn't even check on his status as far as the social networks. Sometimes making a clean break is less hurtfull. Don't allow someone to drain all your energy. It's time for you to take care of you. You deserve to be happy, and that can only be defined by you, not other people. Maybe try keeping busy so you don't think about him??? Work, school, hobbies... Time for some personal enrichment :)

 

[ces__]

Thanks everyone. Its easier said than done though, doing things to keep myself busy. like il always have this in the back of my mind. I literally cried all day. Im driving my friends nuts. like no matter the reassurance I am paranoid that this is all my fault and hes telling people a whole different story to make me look like the crazy one. I dont know, maybe im just making it harder on myself than what it is. Theres just so much stuff going through my mind I dont know where to start. And thanks everyone for the reassurance again that its not my fault it went wrong. Its just hard for me to accept its like the same cycle happens with anyone I date. I feel like a failure to myself... even though I know I deserve better. :(

 

[Invisible-Guy]

Hi CES, You didn't fail, he just wasn't the right person for you. With PTSD, we are always putting ourselves down and blaming ourselves for everything. Just remember that we're all here for you and you can express your feelings as much as you need to :)

 

[feelingok]

Invisible guy, Thank you so much for the reassurance.

Of course, I tried talking to him yesterday because I know it's stupid but he hid pictures of us on Facebook after he said he wouldn't, (the point is, why are you doing something and acting the other?) and said he talked to his sisters, so later on that day I asked one of them what I should do about it, believe him, or just let it go, she had no idea what was going on and therefore he started calling me the psycho, that the way I AM acting he doesn't want to get back together and that's final. Like I'm sorry but is that a crime?

ces, I agree with invisible-guy that a clean break will be less hurtful. Don't even hope he will come around. He might feel guilty, he might know he messed up and he even might want to be with you again. But while he officially broke up with you and blocked you from his life, he is free to date other women (you may also read from this forum that some married (or single) men became serial daters even they lived with dedicated and supportive wives). Do you want to see him back with you while he hides the fact that he is dating some other women like he is/was hiding your relationship with him from other people? It happened to me.

I am not saying all guys with PTSD are like that, but you should know they are kind of living in their own world and that makes them feel very lonely. They actually want someone to be there for them very much but they don't want the stress and responsibilities attached. Although we (every woman) think we are the (right and only) one who can help them through their problems ... the fact is ... there may be such a woman to him but it is not necessarily us even we are the best for him. The woman will appear at the right time in the right place in an effortless manner (sorry, I believe she needs to put up with him in some way, but may not be as challenging as what you are faced with) when he has a clearer mind or when he hits rock bottom (my ex's case). I know I sound pessimistic but I just don't want to see you hurt and suffer like what I did/do.

 

[Dallas]

Like so you think he does feel guilty and wrong about this?

No.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

This is so unfair. If anything, I should be the one blocking him. (Which I was thinking about doing)
Like it gets worse as the days go and I'm not doing ANYTHING for him to be this way. What is going on?

You should be blocking him. You should not be giving him the time of day or even thinking about him.
Just because they have PTSD doesn't mean they're allowed to behave like a pig.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[Dallas]

I literally cried all day

Why would you even WANT someone who goes "on vacation" without you and whores around with a bunch of women while there??? That would totally gross me out beyond belief, and he would be so far gone he would be in another universe.

Sincerely,
Dallas.

 

[ces__]

Thanks everyone. You know what. You're right. Idk anymore. I give up. Why care. He clearly has some serious issues and refuses help and is pretending everything is okay, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who sees this. I did block him on everything and his number. You want it you got it. Screw him. I'm just in shock how ( *****) ignorant someone could be, and I honestly think this is all his cousins doing. It just really hurts.

 

[lanagirl28]

I hope maybe I can just offer some support. I was with a marine during his deployment and also afterward when he came home and got out of the marines. He had a tough transitional period - we aren't together now. BUT one thing that I had the hardest time with was that when he was gone (and even once he got home) he talked about all these trips he wanted to take with me. He got home and took a trip to Vegas with his brothers (USMC), which turned out not being very good for him because he blew a bunch of cash and then hated the crowds. He ended up coming home to me early, which as you can imagine felt awesome. But from that point when it came to him planning trips, it seemed like I was the last thing he thought of! I had a really hard time not being involved. I kept thinking, "he knows I love traveling and want to do these things with him, why not just invite me?" The same would go for when he would plan a trip out to Colorado (where I had always wanted to go!) with his dad. I understood the father son thing but still had a hard time with it because it wasn't the only trip where it seemed like I just didn't cross his mind. I know that he loved me deeply and up until just a week before we broke up I knew that we'd follow each other anywhere. But when things hit rock bottom, he was planning on selling his car and walking the Appalachian trail... alone. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that it seems very common for our men to come back and get lost in their own heads and not realize that from our standpoint little things like this can come across as selfish sometimes. I felt like I just couldn't express this to him in a way he understood! This came to be somewhat of an issue for us as more trips came up. It was a rough spot for me... on one hand I considered saying nothing but then I worried that he would never invite me again, that I'd end up having to plan my own trips without him if I wanted the same experiences. I felt sort of jealous and left out; shouldn't he want me to have these awesome experiences too? Instead of just sitting at home working, while he's living both of our dreams? But on the other hand, if I said anything I seemed like a real b*** for not understanding his need to get away.

LOOKING BACK, though, I wish I had been more understanding. I think that if I would have allowed him that time to step away, guilt-free, it would have been beneficial for both of us. It's not like they forget us while they're gone. It is different for them; like you mentioned, they're used to missing their loved ones. But once he got home, you could tell the time did him good and he'd missed me.

I think that, especially so soon after his return, these times away are crucial. It's hard for us to wrap our heads around and sometimes their actions make us wonder if they can think of anyone but themselves, and I think that honestly at some times, they really can't. Situations like these are prime examples of the types of things we just have to try not to take personally, I think.

<3

 

[feelingok]

I thought I would not come back to this forum but got an email alert re. lanagirl28's new post. Yes, Lana ... give them time and space, then they end up fooling around and forget us - their once most important persons and the one who have been standing by them for years. I am not bitter. I am just telling you that this is quite common and like you said they just can't think of anyone but themselves, and therefore they don't even know why they are doing the stupid things and how much they have hurt us. If you (and some others on the forum) are not married to them and have not got too involved, run before you are crushed by them.