Hello internet!
I'm a 34 year old man with PTSD, unemployed and living with my parents. I've been in isolation from the world-at-large for a little over 3 years now. I don't speak much with my family, I'm estranged from my friends, and I spend most of my days managing my anxiety and struggling with distraction.
Fortunately, I've managed to stop drinking and drugging (1+ year sober), but my condition makes it difficult for me to reach out to local support groups like AA (as well as philosophical differences towards approaches to recovery). I have a hard time making friends and trusting people, as my presence can be intimidating I'm told, though in reality I'm just consumed with fear of other people.
The good news is I must be getting somewhat better, because I'm reaching out here to hopefully connect with others who struggle similarly. The internet is a pretty safe haven, especially with anonymity, and I've spent far too long in denial of my PTSD (a mix of pride, male ego, and self delusion). I'm finding that by embracing my condition I gain strength and a point of orientation to move forward.
My therapist tells me that people with PTSD have a hard time forming a narrative of the events in their life that led to this state of mind, and I definitely fit that bill. It's a mess of confusion. I'm a child abuse survivor from a strict religious background coupled with recent traumas in which my psychiatrist attempted to take advantage of me leading to a suicide attempt. That's the short narrative. The long story is a tornado of mind games, trying to make sense of events and put blame where it is due, low self-esteem bordering on self hatred at times, and extreme paranoia and magical thinking in times of extreme stress. Today is a calm day so far, so I thought I'd post here. I better hit that submit button soon because my mind is already trying to talk me out of it, haha! Alright then, hi there!
I'm a 34 year old man with PTSD, unemployed and living with my parents. I've been in isolation from the world-at-large for a little over 3 years now. I don't speak much with my family, I'm estranged from my friends, and I spend most of my days managing my anxiety and struggling with distraction.
Fortunately, I've managed to stop drinking and drugging (1+ year sober), but my condition makes it difficult for me to reach out to local support groups like AA (as well as philosophical differences towards approaches to recovery). I have a hard time making friends and trusting people, as my presence can be intimidating I'm told, though in reality I'm just consumed with fear of other people.
The good news is I must be getting somewhat better, because I'm reaching out here to hopefully connect with others who struggle similarly. The internet is a pretty safe haven, especially with anonymity, and I've spent far too long in denial of my PTSD (a mix of pride, male ego, and self delusion). I'm finding that by embracing my condition I gain strength and a point of orientation to move forward.
My therapist tells me that people with PTSD have a hard time forming a narrative of the events in their life that led to this state of mind, and I definitely fit that bill. It's a mess of confusion. I'm a child abuse survivor from a strict religious background coupled with recent traumas in which my psychiatrist attempted to take advantage of me leading to a suicide attempt. That's the short narrative. The long story is a tornado of mind games, trying to make sense of events and put blame where it is due, low self-esteem bordering on self hatred at times, and extreme paranoia and magical thinking in times of extreme stress. Today is a calm day so far, so I thought I'd post here. I better hit that submit button soon because my mind is already trying to talk me out of it, haha! Alright then, hi there!
