caligirl03
Silver Member
I feel like my veteran boyfriend who has been diagnosed with combat PTSD can have poor judgement when it comes to things he says or the ways he jokes around sometimes. I realize in the military there's a certain manner of accepted speech not generally understood by the civilian world, but I'm not sure he's been able to fully "turn that off" now that he's out. On a few different occasions, and especially when drinking, I've witnessed him make some rather off-colored sometimes sexual or sometimes violent remarks that definitely have the potential to be interpreted wrong. Other than that, I've honestly always seen him as person of strong moral fiber and integrity. He's also very honest, almost to a fault. I should probably mention that I've known him since we were kids!
In our 3 years together as a couple he's never given me any reason to "doubt" him until this: A good girlfriend of mine was texting him the other night about surprising me w/ plane tickets to go see him. All my friends have his number and text once in a while, and I love that they all get along. They had both been drinking (separately) that night. She was joking around with him in a generally pervy sense (she does this with literally everybody, I know this, and it honestly doesn't bother me), but he took it too far and made it personal by talking about how she should wear booty shorts to bed since those are more "fun" and thought she might be wearing a crop top or a bra and sweat pants.
She felt like he crossed the line and got offended. They each came to me about it, and she let me read the entire convo on her phone. While it wasn't TERRIBLE, it was definitely off-colored at one point. He felt soooo awful and was apologetic to the point of literally making himself sick. He swore up and down and over and over that it was nothing more than a bad joke made in poor judgement clouded by alcohol, and his story remains the same no matter which way I've asked about it. He said he thought it was funny at the time but realizes how it could've come across. He swears it's never happened before and never will again, and that she's just someone he's traditionally felt comfortable joking around about stupid stuff with since she's like that with everybody. He told me he has nothing to hide and even offered his FB password so I could see for myself anytime (which I don't want to for obvious privacy reasons). Also, I know for a fact he's not attracted to her (she's a bigger Indian girl and he's into petite white girls), and he's reiterated to me that he does not personally find her attractive at all.
There have been a couple other occasions, such as when he invited a friend's 65-year-old mom to have a drink with him while her husband was away, and her husband wanted to kill him. My boyfriend was shocked and offended that someone would insinuate he wanted someone his own mother's age and thought he was just being nice. He said in the Army guys would always look after their buddies' wives and families. I told him that while his intentions could be the best in the world, it's all about appearances, and that there's probably a different operating code out here in the civilian world. Another time, a girl friend of his (not mine) said she really needed someone to talk to and asked if she could come over one night. He said yes of course, and she came over super wasted and proceeded to tell him that I was all wrong for him, she was right for him, and showed him a picture of her in her bra and panties. He then realized what was up and told her she had to go. He also told me about these incidents within a day of them happening.
He just moved two states away to attend the fire academy (so proud of him!) and could really use my support right now while undergoing this time of intense training and transition. But my mind is still spinning cause my friend who was talking to him that night says she's worried about him being in another state, thinks he might be untrustworthy, and may act out on his loneliness while far away. I want to believe what he's telling me but also don't want to be naive either. Someone please help give me some clarity and thanks so much for reading!
In our 3 years together as a couple he's never given me any reason to "doubt" him until this: A good girlfriend of mine was texting him the other night about surprising me w/ plane tickets to go see him. All my friends have his number and text once in a while, and I love that they all get along. They had both been drinking (separately) that night. She was joking around with him in a generally pervy sense (she does this with literally everybody, I know this, and it honestly doesn't bother me), but he took it too far and made it personal by talking about how she should wear booty shorts to bed since those are more "fun" and thought she might be wearing a crop top or a bra and sweat pants.
She felt like he crossed the line and got offended. They each came to me about it, and she let me read the entire convo on her phone. While it wasn't TERRIBLE, it was definitely off-colored at one point. He felt soooo awful and was apologetic to the point of literally making himself sick. He swore up and down and over and over that it was nothing more than a bad joke made in poor judgement clouded by alcohol, and his story remains the same no matter which way I've asked about it. He said he thought it was funny at the time but realizes how it could've come across. He swears it's never happened before and never will again, and that she's just someone he's traditionally felt comfortable joking around about stupid stuff with since she's like that with everybody. He told me he has nothing to hide and even offered his FB password so I could see for myself anytime (which I don't want to for obvious privacy reasons). Also, I know for a fact he's not attracted to her (she's a bigger Indian girl and he's into petite white girls), and he's reiterated to me that he does not personally find her attractive at all.
There have been a couple other occasions, such as when he invited a friend's 65-year-old mom to have a drink with him while her husband was away, and her husband wanted to kill him. My boyfriend was shocked and offended that someone would insinuate he wanted someone his own mother's age and thought he was just being nice. He said in the Army guys would always look after their buddies' wives and families. I told him that while his intentions could be the best in the world, it's all about appearances, and that there's probably a different operating code out here in the civilian world. Another time, a girl friend of his (not mine) said she really needed someone to talk to and asked if she could come over one night. He said yes of course, and she came over super wasted and proceeded to tell him that I was all wrong for him, she was right for him, and showed him a picture of her in her bra and panties. He then realized what was up and told her she had to go. He also told me about these incidents within a day of them happening.
He just moved two states away to attend the fire academy (so proud of him!) and could really use my support right now while undergoing this time of intense training and transition. But my mind is still spinning cause my friend who was talking to him that night says she's worried about him being in another state, thinks he might be untrustworthy, and may act out on his loneliness while far away. I want to believe what he's telling me but also don't want to be naive either. Someone please help give me some clarity and thanks so much for reading!
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