Ptsd And Raising A Family

[Nam]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve Wishing you a productive and relaxing week. I thought about this thread many times during this past week. I had a bit of a rough patch....and I actually had to take my own advice. This is hard. Very.

I'm not sure if this is something you can do...but it helped me this week. I allowed myself to close up. To take care of me internally. I blocked out all things that stressed me out and only allowed glimpses of my kids in. (poor hubs) But I recovered faster than I thought would be possible. I think we as mothers forget to take care of ourselves. I mean how many times do we get our kids clean, dressed and fed and yet allow ourselves to be dirty, in pj's, and hungry? It's a balance for sure...but I know that taking care of myself lets me take care of my kids. It doesn't go the other way around.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Nam - I am sorry you had a rough patch, but glad that you found a faster way of recovering. I do a fair amount of kid-taking-care-of, but honestly, but husband often does way more because I can't handle it. I am having a rough patch right now. The students just had inside recess and it was crazy loud and now I am triggered. I have 9 minutes to use my skills and pull it together. Such is life I guess.

 

[Nam]

Hang in there. You can do it. Deep breaths and feel your surroundings. Know we are pulling for you.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Nam - A message saying no school tomorrow and therapy after school, got me through the day. I did some grounding and breathing and then was able to prep for my afternoon students and then get through the afternoon. Thanks for your support.

 

[KwanYingirl]

So @JEKBreatheandBelieve what do you feel about the situation at this point? Is the Homefront tolerable? Do you feel like you have enough support from hubby? And work. That's where I not only was sick, but my coworkers abandoned me even though they got the same exposures I did. In times of strife, each worker is trying to secure their space in the unit. If a member of the group has special needs I have always experienced abandonment. So now I am self employed. I'm not dragging the stigma of my condition around with me. I worked in medicine where we cured lives. Teachers have the greater challenge because they are supposed to teach, encourage, mentor, and develop lifelong learners. Sounds hard to me. I think it is a fast changing environment. You don't have the comfort of knowing your workday will be textbook awesome. Putting out fires, interpersonal grievances I just sense it to be charged energy.
My brain doctor told me to find places that have little noxious quality. And then find or make it neutral, neither positives or deficits. Increase the positives and minimize the stressful. I'd hope for you that you could create solidarity with the other staff members, but I don't know how exactly how that can happen. Maybe pick a stressful part of the job. Brainstorm way that the team can wrap around the suffering member and get them through the storm.
They don't need trauma histories to have difficulties. The more alike you can be shown to be, then you can offer ways for them to have empathy for you. Everybody at a workplace can benefit from a solidified unit.

 

[TonyG]

When I was diagnosed I told my two teenage kids what I was dealing with and how I feel most of the time, My son said with a smile he just thought I was a grumpy old man, It dose help to talk to your family if they are old enough to understand, my family give me space when I need it. My wife supports me and we talk after each therapy session about how I feel my session went,

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@KwanYingirl - I am still assessing my situation. I LOVE teaching. Oddly that is when I feel the least stressed- when I am actually giving lessons and helping students. Any other time of the day and it's hit or miss. Indoor recess did me in the other day. My husband is WONDERFUL. He does most of the care-taking for the kids on days when I am not able to and we share the household responsibilities. He's so supportive that it makes me feel guilty sometimes, which is not helpful. My co-workers are a pretty great group and they would definitely understand sick family members, deaths in the family, and health issues- we've had a lot of all of those. But I don't think that they understand that mental health issues are an illness that need to be supported just like physical health issues. And I'd like to help them see that, but I am not sure how and I don't want to make things worse (as things really aren't all that bad, I just internally feel abandoned). I am trying not to think too much about long-term and just think of ways to finish the year and balance everything, but I think that's my problem- it's too much to balance.

@TonyG - My sons are 2 and 5. I tell my five year old that Mommy is tired or doesn't feel well, but I have to be careful. I don't want him to think I am sick like his Memere is sick (she has cancer is in her final stages of life). When they're older, I'll be able to tell them more.

 

[KwanYingirl]

If I have to get people on the mental health train, I use other conditions that wax and wane and can be a bitch to manage. For example, diabetes: blood glucose is measured throughout the day giving the patient the information he needs to adjust his insulin injection. Or high blood pressure: people monitor there blood pressure at home and adjust their meds accordingly. Or polycythemia, too many platelets: the patient gets weekly blood tests to monitor the platelets: too many, then they take extra chemo drugs. The next test may show too few platelets so they decrease the chemo. With PTSD we don't have any objective tests that can test our cortisol and other stress hormones. We have no tests to check our level of GABA and other neurotransmitters. Shrinks throw drugs at us hoping they'll stick and throw in an antipsychotic for fun. I was reading an article on Vets and PTSD and how they are trying to get PTSD listed as a condition for which medical marijuana can be dispensed. One of the vets who was interviewed said he was on 14 psyche meds and he still has all his symptoms.
So my question is if the medical industry doesn't want to develop objective test of functions of our limbic system and HPA circuit how can we get our doses to be optimum and even necessary. We've got a few brave souls fighting our fight but the stigma of mental dis-ease is pervasive .

 

[rightkindofme]

Oh man! I forgot to come tell you what books I use with my kids. I'm so sorry. I'm just giving titles and authors because sometimes links don't work very well in the forum.

Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry by Bebe Moore Campbell

This one is less "PTSD" specific and more about "parent with mental illness and what coping skills do you need".

A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes

This one is pretty PTSD specific. It is very non-graphic, but it helps kids learn to think of their parents as someone with a past pre-parenthood. That past may not have been awesome. Sometimes that past still impacts us even if right now is good.

Why Are You So Sad by Beth Andrews

This one is consciously directed at depression, but it applies to folks with PTSD near as I can tell. I have depression issues and it is really useful for me. I think it would be useful even if you didn't get "depression".

How Full Is Your Bucket by Tom Rath

This is a much more general book. It isn't about "mental illness" but it helps my kids understand my stress levels much the way the stress cup analogy works. "My bucket is empty" means I have no more emotional reserves to share with them.

Do You Have A Secret by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos

A great, gentle introduction to what secrets are good to keep and which secrets are hurtful.

Your Body Belongs To You by Cornelia Maude Spellman

Also a general, gentle introduction to the concept of body autonomy.

Everybody Gets The Blues by Leslie Staub

A general introduction to helping kids deal with their own extreme emotions.

H'okay. I probably have more but my arms are hurting from typing and I should stop for the day. I hope you are doing well. :)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@rightkindofme - Thank you for those titles. I will look them up. I have the bucket-filling one in my classroom so I should just bring it home to read to my kids. The "Sometimes My Mommy Gets Angry" book sounds familiar and I think that would be a very useful title to read.