Relationship Ptsd And Substance Abuse

[Soldiers Wife]

What is everyones opinions on PTSD and Substance abuse? I am a wife of and OIF vet who has PTSD we are currently seperated. My self and our 3 kids live with his parents and I dont know if I can make it through this.

It is not the PTSD that I cant make it through. It is his substance abuse and/or lack there of quitting. His docs know about it and he has been in and out of treatment for substance abuse but it is the same old story....... He goes in does really well in detox comes out and three weeks later is right back on the substances. We have been married almost 7 years. First it was alcohal than the prescription drugs mixed with the alcohal, now we have pot, alcohal and perscription drugs. He knows he has a problem but refuses to do anything about it.

Right now the way I feel and look at it is that he has chosen the substance abuse over the kids and I. He has no desire to stop.

 

[amethist]

Hi

We only give honest answers here, so please don't be upset by anything we may tell you or advise you to do. Most of us have been where you are right now, and have come out the other side.

Substance abuse and PTSD do not mix at all, it's like pouring oil on a fire, it is never going to mix. Until he faces his issues and starts dealing with his problems, it is never going to change.

He is probably doing what everyone who abuses alcohol, drugs, whatever, he is using it to drown out what is going on in his head. Until he faces up to all this and excepts he needs to change and use any kind of therapy available, there is nothing you or anyone else can do.

You cannot do this for him, and no amount of yelling, coaxing, persuading, threats or anything will make him stop, until he decides enough is enough.

I am not suggesting you walk away from him forever, but if this is what you decide in the end, please understand none of this is your fault. Your kids and you have to come first.

There are so many who have come back from where ever completely changed from who they were before they left, unfortunately your husband is another one to add to the list.

Take care and keep going for yourself and your kids.

Amethist

 

[SofieJ]

Dear Soldier's Wife,

I read your post tonight and I so can identify with especially the following: "It is not the PTSD that I cant make it through. It is his substance abuse and/or lack there of quitting. " I feel exactly the same way with my partner. His PTSD has never really been a problem, but his regular alcohol abuse, which sometimes results in abuse towards me, is awful. And it must be even worse for you because you have children together...

Maybe what Amethist writes above is the key: "He is probably doing what everyone who abuses alcohol, drugs, whatever, he is using it to drown out what is going on in his head. Until he faces up to all this and excepts he needs to change and use any kind of therapy available, there is nothing you or anyone else can do." Maybe your partner and my partner use alcohol etc in the same way as anybody, even non-PTSD sufferers, would if they choose to use alcohol and drugs in a destructive way? Maybe the substance abuse is separate from the PTSD?? I mean, I've always been thinking "poor L, he doesn't want to get drunk and abuse me but it's the PTSD that makes him drink and then he isn't himself anymore so he's not to blame for being abusive towards me". In my head, it's always been PTSD -> alcohol -> abuse towards me. But maybe it's not like that? Maybe the alcohol and the abuse towards me would be there even without the PTSD?? We're stuck in a place where there is no PTSD therapy at all, so I've kind of given up and thought that there is no way to get away from the abuse towards me, but maybe he should be focusing on quitting the drinking instead??

I think it sounds like your partner has had some help to beat his addictions and maybe he needs to try a few more times to succeed, but maybe until then you should stay separated. Maybe it's a journey that you can't help him with anyway - if he succeeds or not will have nothing to do with you - so maybe you should help yourself and your kids first of all and stay out of the negative atmosphere surrounding him. And if he gets clean, then great, maybe you have a future together, and if not there's nothing you could have done anyway. This sounds really hard - sorry - in my heart I know that this is what I need to do myself but it's so difficult because I love my partner so much and he is absolutely wonderful 98% of the time (the other 2% he is a monster) and I know he loves me (or does he? does he really love me if he keeps drinking even if he knows that it sometimes results in him being abusive towards me??) and I'm really scared that he'll just give up and kill himself if I leave him.....

I wish you all the best in the future, Soldier's Wife, and I hope you find a way forward that is good for you and your children.