General Ptsd Breeds Ptsd Imho

[Fembot]

No close girlfriends. Only two I could ever trust with the details of spouse's condition. One moved time zones away around the time my spouse was severely injured/pre diagnosis given her abusive exhusband, and one died (she being much older than me). The rest of my friends were not close friends (the kind you go out with once or twice a year) and have ZERO understanding of this situation (nor would I trust them with full disclosure). Most of us I think understand that any friends (let alone family) we do have don't want to hear about this kind of stuff, especially not for years on end.

 

[Justmehere]

It has taken me some time, but I have found a couple of friends who don't mind at all "hearing about this stuff for years on end."

Tou say that friends don't want to hear about this stuff - and maybe you have talked I friends in your life now and they have said they don't want to hear about it, but not everyone is that way. You know how you are drawn to support your husband? Sometimes out friends are like that too. You are not the only one out there who wants to help someone else going through tough times. I don't use my friends as just people I vent to, but they are there when I need a listening ear or ideas or just someone to get away from the house with.

And support from friends doesn't have to be so direct. It can be a planned girls night out to the movies or stuff like that. It takes time to develop it - but if someone keeps at it, heck, if I can do it, then I'm sure you could find folks to do things do to recharge.

There are other options too like support groups and therapy.

My hope is that you will begin to invest more in support for you over time. You do deserve it. You've been through hell. You deserve a break and support.

 

[shimmerz]

My SO other supports me. He helps balance me. What he does not do is give up his life for me. PTSD or not, we are not here to give all to someone else. It is unhealthy. I understand his not being able to work etc, but I am going to suggest that in order for him to get better, it is important that he be given the opportunity to see what it is to 'have a life' so that he strives to attain such. What better example than you finding a life and leading him to it rather than him having issues and you completely being immersed in them. Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions here and forgive me if I am - but spouses look for support in order to get healthy. We are wracked with guilt if we take someone else 'down' with us. Live your life! Please! We need you to so we can follow in your footsteps. It gives us a sense that there is something better out there.

 

[LizardViolet]

The community here can support you in some ways. There are places here to vent and to ask for help and advice. But it's essential to take care of yourself. @Justmehere is spot on.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost six years. I couldn't have done it without the support of my therapist, and at times an extra therapist. I had secondary PTSD and I was barely able to function for more than a month at one point. I couldn't support my boyfriend in the ways I do if I weren't taking care of myself.

 

[lmizutani]

I do not know where you are located, but there may be ways to receive support that do not require that much money. My boyfriend's and my own therapists work on a pay based on your income type of scale (they work for a non profit organization). That may or may not be an option where you are but see what you can find.

Your friends could help you by allowing you to just be - get together for a simple chat about anything and nothing at the same time.
Although the close friend may be miles away, some of your other acquaintances may surprise you. They may not totally "get it" but they can listen to you and possibly learn with you. I would also see if there are support groups in your area - maybe you can find some "kindred spirits" among them.

And I agree that the worst of the whole thing is that the PTSD is not your husband's fault either. Like my boyfriend keeps telling me, he did not ask for the 30+ years of suffering for what other people did to him.

:hug: - I think you may need more of that - even if you hug yourself.