Relationship Ptsd Denial.

[toomuchlovetoletgo]

Yes.

 

[Momofthree]

You can't find anything on being in a successful relationship with a psychopath because you can't be in a successful relationship with a psychopath. My relationship lasted 7 years, by the end of it my soul was dead ( that is the only way I can describe it). I have Complex PTSD because of him. He will drain you till he is done with you and then he will discard you.

 

[Momofthree]

There is a wonderful website called psychopathfree.com they are a support sight like this one for people who have been in relationships with psychopaths.

 

[Anarchy]

If you don't mind me asking, can you tell me some of the things that lead up to that finality? Actions or behaviors?

Mum of three got there first, and I believe that she's right.

All I'll add is that whatever irresponsibility you are trying to save someone from, you will never be thanked, they'll just become sneakier and more contemptious of you.

You on the other hand are likely to completely loose touch with yourself and your own feelings and needs, you are likely to stop looking after yourself, you'll probably gain a ton of weight, you'll exhaust yourself, and become bitter, manipulative, passive aggressive and thoroughly toxic to be with...

Just look at the partners of chronic alcaholics, workaholics etc. and what they eventually become. It is very easy to sympathise with the irresponsible one; "sure, who wouldn't turn to drink with a partner like that?"

There are groups, for example Al Anon, who are formed by co dependants to heal from what they've fallen into. There are also good published books and I'm guessing some good forums like this one for co-dependants.

please, look after the one person who you do have control over - yourself

 

[Momofthree]

I can't get into detail about the horrible nightmare I lived but it included him beating me when I was pregnant (killing the baby), giving my small children black eyes because they touched his things, and sexual abuse beyond your worst nightmare. The psychological abuse was so profound that, like I said before, he killed my soul. The way it ended was I stopped caring about whether I lived or died, so the next time he started beating me I didn't fight back. If the police had not been called he would have killed me that night, in our house, in front of my three small children. The worst part is I really didn't care, and some days I still wish he would have been successful.

 

[toomuchlovetoletgo]

I burned every bridge I had in coming here. About a week ago. I packed my bags to leave. He told me on previous occasions that if I ever made the decision to leave that he would act like he didn't care. But let's face it, no acting necessary. But when all was said and done and the final screen came up for my plane ticket, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. If he had just clicked confirm,I would be back in my home state. More than likely in a homeless shelter. But he asked me, is this good? And showed me the screen and I decided to stay. The thought of bring without him broke my heart. And he was sweet to me. This happened on Friday. We were fine until yesterday. And it was like the switch flipped once again. As I said. His ptsd coupled with his psychopathy, is just too much. There is no room for stress hoops or bad. Because ptsd and psychopathy completely fill his stress cup.

 

[Momofthree]

It will not be easy. He is under your skin and he won't let go easy. He will be sweet or sad or whatever he needs to be to get you to feel like you can't leave, but you can. You are stronger then he lets you believe, because you know the crazy thing is, is that the people who are the most empathetic and the strongest emotionally are the ones that the psychopath gets the most from. He needs you like a leach needs a healthy blood supply.

 

[toomuchlovetoletgo]

He has never been physically abusive in any if his past relationships. But do you think it will inevitably come to that point

 

[Momofthree]

He has no emotions or empathy of his own so he needs to leach them off of the people around him. You are a great source for him, don't let him drain your life, please! You deserve better then that!!

My ex wan't physically abusive until it was the only way he could get what he needed out of me, he tired everything else first. Physical is the last resort, but let me tell you I was always happy when he it me because the pain of his fist was WAY less then that of his voice in my head!!

 

[toomuchlovetoletgo]

There are so many things he it's trying to change about me that I feel like I am losing sight if who I am. I don't think I am a bad person. But he makes me feel like I am.

 

[Momofthree]

I know. That is what they do. I was so lost my family and even best friend didn't recognize me. And I burned all those bridges too, I had no one when I left, but I found support and I have people now and I know who I am, and I am LOVED by a man who loves me back! I even told him the other day "loving someone is SO much better when you're love in return" and he just looked at me and smiled :) You aren't a bad person and you don't need to change! You are perfect just the way you are!!

 

[toomuchlovetoletgo]

He told me that once he finds out more about my past he will probably leave me. He was like there are a lot of guys that wouldn't care about your past and maybe you belong with one of them.