PTSD Diagnosed Last November - Canadian Afghan War Vet

[pooh007]

Where do I start? I feel like I am here, but kind of living in a nightmare. My brain is clouded, I can't think clearly. I have huge memory problems. I don't understand the meaning of this life anymore. Confused, feeling betrayed and hurt.

Ever since I returned from a tour to Afghanistan in 2002, I feel like I have been living in someone else's body. I can't understand my family anymore, my friends feel like strangers. Who are all these people? I can't relay to them any longer. I haven't felt home in 8 years. I feel that wherever I live, it's not where I am supposed to be. Something from my past was home, but it no longer exist.

After 22 years in the military, I no longer have a job. I couldn't do it anymore. Physically and mentally injured. It hasn't been easy between my spouse and I. My spouse admitted cheating on me last December. I moved an hour away with my 16 year old son. My family lives far away and my in-laws who live nearby have turned their back on me. I still maintain a relationship with my spouse who now regrets the affair. How can I ever trust is a different story.

I am seeing a psychologist. So far I feel that there is no structure in my therapy. There is no plan per se. I don't know if it is normal. I am starting to feel this might not be the solution for me.

Can anyone tell me if there is a specific set of parameters to follow for therapy for PTSD sufferer?

Thanks for reading me. I had to let some steam off today.

Pooh

 

[Llama]

Well, if you feel there is no plan in your therapy, tell your psychologist that you want one. Most of them will take their cues from their clients as some of us need more time than others before we can even address that there is an issue. It took me two years before I was even able to address the trauma that caused my PTSD. Sometimes they push too hard, sometimes they don't push hard enough, but we need to take an active stance in our own recovery and tell our therapists what we want. They're generally pretty good at reading body language, but I've yet to meet one that can read minds.

I understand the loss you feel no longer being in the military. I was only in for three years, but it is such an all encompassing lifestyle that one tends to feel without direction and out of place in the civilian world (also Canadian, 1CMBG HQ&Sigs).

Military life ill-prepares us for civilian life because there is a decided lack of structure and discipline. PTSD therapy is no different, there is no set way to get better because it depends so much on the individual and how the trauma has affected their life. What helped me was to focus, in the beginning, on coping skills to be able to live a normal life and have a stable home base first.

Don't give up on therapy. If your current therapist doesn't work out, then find another one. You are going to need all the help you can get.

 

[Jimmy]

Pooh,

Hello and welcome to the forum. Just so you know there is another forum for us Vets called Combat PTSD. The link is on the front page.
The other site is just for us Vets (as we are different), although this sites offers lots of info that can help too.
You are the first female veteran I have seen on these sites and look forward to chatting to you there.

Jimmy

 

[pooh007]

Thank to both of you. I have been feeling better shortly after I wrote my thoughts on this Forum. For this I am very grateful. I have decided to talk to my therapist and ask her about where she is heading. I think it's true when you say us retired military members are used to a very structured life. A lack of it shows carelessness where in fact it might just be a different way of doing business. My last posting was in Petawawa also.

True there are not a lot of female veterans involved in combat. I will have a look at the other site you mentioned.

Pooh

 

[anthony]

There is a process for [DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/showthread.php?t=568"]trauma therapy[/DLMURL], absolutely. Normal chit chat therapy... not really.

 

[Clydiechick]

Hi

Welcome to the forum. I hope you find some comfort here. You have been through alot and for your partner to cheat on you, really tops it off.

I can relate to some of symptoms, the cloudyness, memory probs, physical and mental pain. PTSD can be a very lonely place to be, unfortunately your friends and family just cannot understand.

I hope you get some good therapy, take care of yourself and look forward to seeing you around the forum.

Clydie

 

[pooh007]

Thank you all for your sound advice.

It is very much reassuring to know that other people share some of the same symptoms I experience. So when I think I am getting crazy, I will attempt to remember this just a side effect. My biggest issue affecting me right now is my failing memory. I am studying for the next two years and have to read the same text multiple time before I can either understand it or remember it. Frustrating as I never had this problem before.
Will it ever go away as when my condition improves?

I am starting to recognize the signs when my PTSD is showing his ugly face in my life. Two evenings ago, I was out with my girlfriends and all of a sudden, I had to leave. I don't know why, but I couldn't stand being there anymore. I have to call my girlfriends and explain to them what happened. They know that I have "issues" to deal with, although they won't understand completely, it might help them to accept why I am acting this way.

Also bear with me as my first language is French.

Thanks again.

Pooh

 

[Llama]

Memory loss is a very common symptom, and there are things that have proven to help with it, exercise oddly enough, is one of them :) Just heard a great bit on CBC this morning talking about exercise use in dealing with Anxiety, Depression in chronic diseases. Though PTSD isn't one of the diseases they covered (mostly they were talking about cancer, MS and stuff) the science would seem to follow. Exercise, at least 30 minutes at a time, affects your limbic system and has been proven to create new brain cells in that area in mice. They discovered a marked lack of anxiety in patients who began to exercise the proscribed amount 5 times a week, and also that memory increased. If you are interested in reading it, they will have it on the CBC website likely under eyeopener and columnists, it was the doctor that was talking about it.

 

[Medic]

Thank you for your service.

Over here in the states, one of the major parts of treating PTSD involve group therapy. You may want to discuss if group therapy is a good alternative to what your Psychologist is doing.

Getting into a room with other Veteran's can be helpful, we have a better understanding of where each other are coming from.

 

[Clydiechick]

Hi

I have the 'just have to leave' thing too. It is very immediate and puts off a lot of people. But I would rather leave than freak out in public. When I hear a siren, doesn't matter where I am, I'm out of there.

I do a lot of deep breathing and meditation. Even if it's in my car.

Take care
clydie

 

[pooh007]

Meditation, exercise, those are a great ideas! I'll try that, thanks!
I am going to a group therapy this summer. I can't wait to share with people who have similar issues.

One thing that has helped me tremendously, I moved out of the city life, away from any military base and enjoying a very different pace in the country. My little house is nested in the middle of corn fields, just a few mins from the ocean. So quiet, peaceful! Almost no traffic, it's pitch black at night, nice fireplace keeping me and my dog warm and cozy!

Has anyone here done the same?

 

[Llama]

If you don't mind my asking, what area of NS have you moved to? I have friends that just moved there who have recently gotten themselves a dog, and are into the theatre scene. Also I hear the power outages can be crazy! That may, or may not be a good thing for you (if not, get a generator!)

I'm still in the city, but I do have my cats, without which I'd likely have gone crazy long ago. Having an animal in your life helps so much in so many ways.