AppleBlossom
New Here
Hi everyone ! I'm glad I found this forum :)
I started having PTSD symptoms following the stillbirth of my second child in September 2012. I already had a 3 year-old son at the time and we were all eagerly awaiting the birth of a little girl.
The pregnancy in itself was very painful and energy draining, though the doctor kept saying everything was normal. At the end of the pregnancy, I started feeling the baby move less frequently and vigorously. I told my doctor but she reassured me by saying this is normal at the end of a pregnancy. Three days later, I started panicking because I couldn't feel the baby move at all. My husband and I drove to the hospital where we learned that our little girl's heart was no longer beating. I was 38 weeks pregnant. I felt like my whole world had stopped turning and I was being swallowed by a black hole. I was induced the next day and gave birth to her. And while I was in labour, I was filling out forms to consent to an autopsy, to the transfer of her body to the funeral home, etc. 48 hours later, my husband and I left the hospital with only a small box of souvenirs and shattered dreams. Most of what occurred in the following weeks is a blur, except for the funeral and the daily questions from my son: Is baby still in mommy's belly? Where is baby now? When is she coming back? Why did she die? Suffice it to say that I was constantly being reminded of our loss.
I spent months in hyper-vigilence mode, hardly sleeping, crying and waisting away in my bed. Thank God my husband was there to keep house and take care of our son! When I tried going back to work at the end of my 18 weeks of maternity leave, I started having flashbacks and I would burst out crying for no particular reason. That's when I knew I was probably suffering from PTSD. So I went to the hospital where I was treated for severe major depression. But no one there mentioned anything about PTSD.
I returned to work gradually 5 months after and was back at work full time a year later. That's when I got pregnant again. I had a new doctor specializing in high-risk pregnancies and was closely followed. Needless to say I was very stressed throughout the pregnancy. I ended up having an emergency C-section because the baby's heartbeat was crashing during labour. Thankfully, everything ended well this time and he is now a healthy and happy 11-month old :)
But the PTSD symptoms have returned full force since his birth, to the point where I actually told my doctor I wanted to return to the psychiatric hospital. She diagnosed a postpartum depression, increased my antidepressants, told me not to stay alone with the baby and to get lots of rest. After a week, I started to feel better. Again, there was no talk of PTSD, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and seek an EMDR therapist. I had already had 2 years of traditional talk therapy and, though it has helped, I felt I had reached a plateau and it was time to try something else. I've just started the "reprocessing" part of the therapy so I have yet to see the results.
So that's my story so far.
I started having PTSD symptoms following the stillbirth of my second child in September 2012. I already had a 3 year-old son at the time and we were all eagerly awaiting the birth of a little girl.
The pregnancy in itself was very painful and energy draining, though the doctor kept saying everything was normal. At the end of the pregnancy, I started feeling the baby move less frequently and vigorously. I told my doctor but she reassured me by saying this is normal at the end of a pregnancy. Three days later, I started panicking because I couldn't feel the baby move at all. My husband and I drove to the hospital where we learned that our little girl's heart was no longer beating. I was 38 weeks pregnant. I felt like my whole world had stopped turning and I was being swallowed by a black hole. I was induced the next day and gave birth to her. And while I was in labour, I was filling out forms to consent to an autopsy, to the transfer of her body to the funeral home, etc. 48 hours later, my husband and I left the hospital with only a small box of souvenirs and shattered dreams. Most of what occurred in the following weeks is a blur, except for the funeral and the daily questions from my son: Is baby still in mommy's belly? Where is baby now? When is she coming back? Why did she die? Suffice it to say that I was constantly being reminded of our loss.
I spent months in hyper-vigilence mode, hardly sleeping, crying and waisting away in my bed. Thank God my husband was there to keep house and take care of our son! When I tried going back to work at the end of my 18 weeks of maternity leave, I started having flashbacks and I would burst out crying for no particular reason. That's when I knew I was probably suffering from PTSD. So I went to the hospital where I was treated for severe major depression. But no one there mentioned anything about PTSD.
I returned to work gradually 5 months after and was back at work full time a year later. That's when I got pregnant again. I had a new doctor specializing in high-risk pregnancies and was closely followed. Needless to say I was very stressed throughout the pregnancy. I ended up having an emergency C-section because the baby's heartbeat was crashing during labour. Thankfully, everything ended well this time and he is now a healthy and happy 11-month old :)
But the PTSD symptoms have returned full force since his birth, to the point where I actually told my doctor I wanted to return to the psychiatric hospital. She diagnosed a postpartum depression, increased my antidepressants, told me not to stay alone with the baby and to get lots of rest. After a week, I started to feel better. Again, there was no talk of PTSD, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and seek an EMDR therapist. I had already had 2 years of traditional talk therapy and, though it has helped, I felt I had reached a plateau and it was time to try something else. I've just started the "reprocessing" part of the therapy so I have yet to see the results.
So that's my story so far.
