Sufferer Ptsd Following Fatal Car Crash 3 Years Ago.

[Emily The Strange]

Hi, I'm Emily. I'm 25 years old and I have been suffering from ptsd for about 2 years now.

Three years ago I was a passenger in a car driven by my boyfriend. It was late at night and down a country lane, we collided with a cyclist. My boyfriends hand was badly damaged. The cyclist died at the scene and I was physically unhurt. I was fine for the first year. I was kept very busy too and from hospitals with my boyfriend. 9 months after the incident we had to attend court and this was extremely difficult for me. I hadn't thought about the cyclist or any of the details for quite some time. From then on I became very paranoid, anxious and have had severe issues with guilt.

My main problems now are a need to self punish as a way of paying off the life debt I owe. Paranoia and anxiety because of a constant fear someone is after me and want me to pay for what happened. I am seeking help but am on a never ending waiting list and am not convinced it will help anyway. I have become very negative about everything.

I am very alone with all of my thoughts as I don't have a very supportive family and my friends don't understand. I have my boyfriend who tries his best but doesn't really understand and my step dad who understands but isn't around very much. So I rely on the kindness and support of strangers.

I just want to be ME again.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[BigBear]

Hi Emily,

It took a long time for me to really understand my wife (at least to the extent that I do now). IMO, Someone who doesn't suffer can never fully understand. I bet your boyfriend will come along. Just don't give up on him too quickly.

And Welcome!

Bear

 

[Emily The Strange]

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. My boyfriend doesn't understand how he can be mostly emotionally fine and then I can be so messed up over the same incident. I have tried over and over again to explain to him that I saw something different to him. He only saw the mess he was in, I on the other hand saw the cyslist before we hit him, the mess my boyfriend was in and the body behind us. He also healed mentally along with his physical injuries.

I'll never give up on him, after the incident we have gotten closer and closer, I couldnt imagine my life without him. I just find it frustrating that he can't understand, he must think I'm totally crazy. I know that's how i feel.

 

[BigBear]

I have tried over and over again to explain to him that I saw something different to him.

Just a thought here. One of the most important separators between two people in the same situation getting PTSD is how well supported they are within their relationships. You've said that you are poorly supported. Perhaps his family and other friends provide significantly better support than yours do.

Bear

 

[Emily The Strange]

You may have a point there. Havent really thought about that before. He has an amazing father, he's one of the kindest people i have ever met. This could have helped him out. I'm glad he's ok however he managed it. We have discussed the difference in what we each saw and he agrees that he may have reacted differently if he had realised at the time what had happened and if he had seen the cyclists body. Either way it doesnt matter, he's doing ok and I just need to get myself together and all will be well.

Emily

 

[KP the nut]

Hi Emily and welcome to the forum.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)