Sufferer Ptsd From Rape

[thefranplan]

Hi there.

I'm 22 years old and in graduate school studying Psychology.

Earlier this year someone who I knew well and trusted raped me. Since then I have developed PTSD, despite my gallant efforts to avoid it. I focused on self-care, I told people in my life, I went to see a counsellor but I soon realised that there were some things out of my control. Hi-jacked by my procedural memory I found myself having no control over things like intrusive memories, startling at the tiniest sound and dissociating.

I am working with a great psychiatric and a therapist who specialises in trauma and EMDR. I am medicated quite heavily to get me through the next few weeks before I submit my thesis. My PTSD is really affecting my functioning, and I feel broken in ways that were previously unfathomable to me. It has been arranged for me to go to a specialist inpatient clinic that deals with trauma and anxiety and such as soon as my thesis is in. But in the meantime I'm flailing and I feel terribly alone and isolated.

I am devastated that this is my new reality, and I am angry that on top of the trauma of the actual rape, I have to deal with the aftermath.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Hi, and welcome to the forum! I am sorry for what happend to you.

I am submitting my thesis aswell at the end of this month, so I can relate. I am also a rape survivor, so I can relate to that too.

I wish you the best with your thesis and your healing :-)

 

[franciemarnie]

Welcome and I am so sorry for your horrific experience.

I am delighted that you took action so quickly and are working on healing solutions. You will feel better as time goes by working with a trauma therapist.

I am glad you aren't numb like I was for years and can feel the anger, not bury it. That is a healthy response though utterly unpleasant. Use that energy.

I am glad you are here.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Welcome to the forum! :cool: It sounds like you are being very proactive about this.

 

[LizardViolet]

I hope it is at least a little bit reassuring to hear that, at least from where I sit, you are doing everything right.

Yeah, things suck a lot.

Give yourself a million points for being about to turn in your thesis.

Give yourself another million for the self-care you are doing.

Give yourself another million for having a plan for treatment after your thesis is in.

Hang in there. Lots of folks here, including me, are pulling for you.

 

[arfie]

I think of PTSD as a psychic wound which has infected. Like physical wounds, there are some available explanations for why some wounds infect while others do not, but at the end of the day the summary of why remains a mystery.

And here we attempt to cope with that mystery.
Welcome aboard.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I am so sorry for your pain.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Fran and welcome.

I too have this stuff in my history

"I feel broken in ways that were previously unfathomable to me"
It is very sad to end up being "educated" in this manner. I don't believe it is possible to understand it without experiencing it.Trauma is something that doesn't traslate well into words.

I am sorry that you have experienced something so painful.

I agree with a lot that has been said here to you. You are unlikely to be able to see it at present but I see a lot of positive signs and there is a lot you can be proud of.

You didn't deny, minimise or dissociate to the extent that you were not able to face what was happening. That shows a level of positive coping skills and Self development.

You were also able to be proactive and engage in treatment and soon after the trauma. That shows a level of maturity which is sure to carry you far.

 

[intothelight]

Hi thefranplan,

Welcome to MyPTSD forum! :)

It really doesn't seem fair after surviving trauma to have to survive PTSD. Hopefully someday someone will have the answer as to why some people develop this disorder and others do not. But PTSD can be managed and with therapy and hard work, you can reclaim your own life.

I hope you find the information and support here beneficial to your healing. There is also a sister site you may find helpful: MySexAbuse.com.

Wishing you the best.

Debbie

 

[thefranplan]

I am so overwhelmed by all the responses that I don't seem to much of a response myself. Thank you everyone for all the kind and supportive words, it really means a lot to me. I am so sorry to hear that many of you have experienced the same trauma as I did. It's great to have so many supportive people on this forum, though.

 

[zaniara]

I'm so sorry you had to suffer through that and deal with the aftermath(no, it's NOT fair!). But you're really doing all the right things. And you WILL heal. With time and help. A warm welcome to this site. It's a great source of a lot of support!

 

[The Albatross]

I am devastated that this is my new reality, and I am angry that on top of the trauma of the actual rape, I have to deal with the aftermath.

Welcome and your new reality will be about as good or not as you set your mind to be. Please know that there are skills to be learned, and that many people here are learning along with you or are using them to manage their PTSD on a day to day basis. There are some great outcomes here.

I dare say by the time you do the work, learn the skills and normalize the experience (yes it can be normalized as a memory that has little emotional response attached to it)... your new reality, can be and adventure in negotiating adversity.

Sure it would be better perhaps if we didn't have to learn how to deal with this stuff... but better now than later has become my mantra. We can be managed, we can manage ourselves, we can take our lives back... even if re-traumatized (I have been... several times).