H
Hailey
I am a female and I was sexually abused by a female babysitter. My babysitter wasn't much older than me I don't think, a couple years maybe. She followed me to my room and locked the door behind us where she put my blanket on the ground and told me to sit down on it.
She asked if I ever masturbated and I said yes, it wasn't something I was ashamed of.
She told me she was going to masturbate and that I had to do it with her, she listed off some BS reasons why and I was too scared to say no by the end of it.
She made me masturbate beside her, made me watch her. Then she made me watch as she peed on my blanket.
After she told me to put the blanket in the closet and tell my mom the cat had peed on it.
I realize my experience wasn't truly that bad, but it's f*cked me up a bit anyways. As a now adult I have severe anxiety with panic attacks, depression, disassociation with depersonalization episodes, and what my therapist told me is PTSD.
Granted it isn't all from the one experience, my first sexual experience was technically worse when I was 4. My uncle (once again wasn't much older than me, I think he was 11 at the time.) He used to make me suck his dick on multiple occasions.
I had another shitty babysitter who took my siblings and I swimming in the river behind her house, the current ended up being really strong and my sister and I had gone out too far and were really bad swimmers. My sister was worse than me and she couldn't get back to the dock and kept getting dragged under the water, we cried and begged for help and the babysitter refused because we had gotten ourselves out there and we could get ourselves back.
She refused to let her daughter or her daughter's fiance help us.
The daughters fiance finally decided to ignore her and came in and got us and brought us back to shore.
There is more, honestly I had a lot happen when I was younger and I had been repressing the memories until therapy when I forced myself to come up with a list of things from my childhood so that I could tell her everything and get therapy done quickly, but I stopped going right after I brought all that shit back up due to money issues and now they have become constant intrusive thoughts causing me to spiral deeper into depression, frequent thoughts of dying. It's getting really hard.
I don't know what to do anymore but really just wanted to get it all out there and hopefully talk to someone about it. Sorry this was so long, and thanks to anyone who bothered to read all the way through.
She asked if I ever masturbated and I said yes, it wasn't something I was ashamed of.
She told me she was going to masturbate and that I had to do it with her, she listed off some BS reasons why and I was too scared to say no by the end of it.
She made me masturbate beside her, made me watch her. Then she made me watch as she peed on my blanket.
After she told me to put the blanket in the closet and tell my mom the cat had peed on it.
I realize my experience wasn't truly that bad, but it's f*cked me up a bit anyways. As a now adult I have severe anxiety with panic attacks, depression, disassociation with depersonalization episodes, and what my therapist told me is PTSD.
Granted it isn't all from the one experience, my first sexual experience was technically worse when I was 4. My uncle (once again wasn't much older than me, I think he was 11 at the time.) He used to make me suck his dick on multiple occasions.
I had another shitty babysitter who took my siblings and I swimming in the river behind her house, the current ended up being really strong and my sister and I had gone out too far and were really bad swimmers. My sister was worse than me and she couldn't get back to the dock and kept getting dragged under the water, we cried and begged for help and the babysitter refused because we had gotten ourselves out there and we could get ourselves back.
She refused to let her daughter or her daughter's fiance help us.
The daughters fiance finally decided to ignore her and came in and got us and brought us back to shore.
There is more, honestly I had a lot happen when I was younger and I had been repressing the memories until therapy when I forced myself to come up with a list of things from my childhood so that I could tell her everything and get therapy done quickly, but I stopped going right after I brought all that shit back up due to money issues and now they have become constant intrusive thoughts causing me to spiral deeper into depression, frequent thoughts of dying. It's getting really hard.
I don't know what to do anymore but really just wanted to get it all out there and hopefully talk to someone about it. Sorry this was so long, and thanks to anyone who bothered to read all the way through.
