Ptsd - Guilt

[Micanus43]

For the longest time I have felt so guilty about even attempting to acknowledging that I have PTSD. Why - ? Because of all the other guys who were injured far worse than me! As a medic I took care of them but I didnt get shot or burned or blown up or even end up with no legs and a colostomy. So what right did I have to even claim PTSD. Unfortunately I had horrible dreams and panic attacks and other issues that I tried to control on my own for several years after I got out. First it was embarrassing (no one was talking about PTSD in 2005), then it was just guilt. Then one day in December of 2011 I just snapped. I got totally scared the way we use to get when we were being attacked or the guys were being shelled in Balad. I had to literally pysch myself up enough just to leave church and go home so I could collapse by myself and really let it all go. Fast forward to 2013 - I am on Clonazepam and Citolepram. Less dreams but still feel guiilt. Want to talk about it but I dont feel like I qualify.

 

[safenow]

Want to talk about it but I dont feel like I qualify.

You qualify. And you need to talk about it as well.

What you saw over there would give anyone nightmares. People here understand what you feel, as well as what you are experiencing. Don't be hard on yourself.

I hope you will start keeping a journal/diary so you can get some of this stuff out of your head.

Keep talking

 

[WillThereBeCake]

Welcome Micanus! You most certainly qualify. In fact, I had a hard time accepting my diagnosis for the same reason, and I'm not even in the military. I also didn't want to detract somehow from treatment or attention our soldiers so much deserve. However, all of us with this blasted disorder need to do everything we can to 1) Make ourselves better with any and all resources we can. 2) Educate others (including our military "diagnosers")that there are a myriad of ways that this condition can be come to manifest. 3) Share with each other, and when able, the professional communities, everything we can about ourselves, our background, our successes and setbacks, treatments, coping mechanisms, anything that might help them to help our men and women in uniform in any way possible.

I totally understand what you're saying. I also know that as a medic you're forever wanting to help others. So, maybe thinking about how your journey to healing can help your comrades too can help balance the feelings you're having. We all deserve to heal from this. How you got here isn't as important as how you get out.

Thank you for your service!

 

[discarded]

Welcome Micanus. My husband felt very much the same as you. He went on 4 deployments in a support role and felt he did not qualify to have PTSD as he wasn't on the front line or physically injured. He just seems himself as weak. He has the diagnosis, he took the compensation and then stuck his head in the sand.

It doesn't matter how you ended up with PSTD, the fact is you have it and you need help to cope with it. You need to get past your own view of what PTSD is and who "qualifies" to accept that it can happen to any of us who are subject to trauma.