My Partner of 14 years has been spiralling downwards for 18 months. I went to visit my daughter for a week and came back to the shell of a traumatised man. He says it was a coincidence and he had a lot of flashbacks while I was away. He has since shut me out. We don't sleep together, he can't sleep at night without nightmares. He has severe flashbacks which knock him sideways. He doesn't remember to do everyday things. I have tried to quietly make our lives manageable. Looking back, I think I have been too passive.
I mentioned on here 3 months ago that he wants to move out. and I was given great support and help. Well, the British Legion are coming round tomorrow to help re-house him. He says he can't cope with anything and wants to shut down and live in his trauma. It was rememberance day now it is the news, Afghanistan that brings it back, anything and everything. He wants our arguing to stop but he causes it!
I have read the stress cups article which was amazingly helpful (after years of wondering what the hell was happening), and read the carer notes which again are fantastic (thought I was going nuts), however, this is here and now and raw and real.
My problem is I don't think he really wants to leave - or I think he would have gone by now. What do I do. I can't live in limbo. I am scared to visit my family incase he gets ill again and he won't come with me! He will go out on his own but not with me. Am I being an idiot here? I know we both need boundaries but 14 years of bad habits are hard to break.
OK he is 47 and has the right to make his own decisions and I will love and respect him for that. I have told him that I understand if he doesn't love me any more and I will let him go but if he is ill I will be there for him. We are 2 floundering jellyfish tonight. Both burned out and not knowing which way is best. Does anyone out there understand this madness? What are we not getting right? with love and hope! X
I mentioned on here 3 months ago that he wants to move out. and I was given great support and help. Well, the British Legion are coming round tomorrow to help re-house him. He says he can't cope with anything and wants to shut down and live in his trauma. It was rememberance day now it is the news, Afghanistan that brings it back, anything and everything. He wants our arguing to stop but he causes it!
I have read the stress cups article which was amazingly helpful (after years of wondering what the hell was happening), and read the carer notes which again are fantastic (thought I was going nuts), however, this is here and now and raw and real.
My problem is I don't think he really wants to leave - or I think he would have gone by now. What do I do. I can't live in limbo. I am scared to visit my family incase he gets ill again and he won't come with me! He will go out on his own but not with me. Am I being an idiot here? I know we both need boundaries but 14 years of bad habits are hard to break.
OK he is 47 and has the right to make his own decisions and I will love and respect him for that. I have told him that I understand if he doesn't love me any more and I will let him go but if he is ill I will be there for him. We are 2 floundering jellyfish tonight. Both burned out and not knowing which way is best. Does anyone out there understand this madness? What are we not getting right? with love and hope! X
