General Ptsd & Labido...

[LilPurple]

There may be a more tactful way to approach this topic, but having perused what appeared to be about a year's worth of posts around, I have yet to come across a frank sexual issues discussion.

In our case, I'm a female supporter to a male sufferer.
So, the withdrawal emotionally and near constant obsessive thinking drains his energy and interest in much of everything--including sex.

I guess my question to the supporters--is how do you deal?
It is a strange feeling to be discussing this so openly such a sensitive topic for me, but having opened a can of worms, may as well forge ahead.

It can be terribly difficult to put oneself on a back burner again. And again. And again. I read about taking care of myself, well, obviously there are simply areas of a relationship that that is NOT uh-the same.

If I did not bring up sex in our relationship, it simply wouldn't be broached as a topic. To further add frustration is the gender reversal of a female wanting more sex from her partner. His therapist assures him (and by extension us) that it's actually MORE common for males to be sexually dis-interested than females, it's just not as socially acceptable to discuss it.

I simultaneously do not want to pressure him, nor do I want my life stalled out indefinitely.
Add in a huge dose of guilt and confusion in me being a female wanting a better sex life.

Thanks in advance for any advice you may have--

 

[HollyB]

This is the one and only symptom that I have (fortunately) not experienced with my sufferer. I do not think I'd be capable to feeling that he was both emotionally disconnected AND not interested in sex with me.

(I'm refraining from having sex with him until our relationship boundaries and expectations are clear, but his desire is still very much there.)

 

[amethist]

Hi LilPurple.

This subject does keep coming up occasionally and I think I reply in the same way each time. So here goes, and I hope you understand what I am saying.

When anyone suffers with a mental illness, PTSD being one of them, the intimate side of a relationship can be one of the first things to go, and possible the last to get back properly. Humour on the other hand can be the last to go and the first to get back. sounds crazy, but that is how it is.

It may be hard for you to just let it go, but unfortunately it seems this is what you will have to do, as I have.

Look at it as the icing on the relationship and enjoy it when it happens. Thats what I have done and its worked so far.

My husband and I had a decent intimate relationship before his PTSD hit, then it just vanished over night. It happens occasionally and worth the wait when it does. My husband feels guilty at times, but to me I would rather have him improving slowly over time, then him worrying that one part of out life is not right.

As other things improve, so should your sex life. Until then try and understand that sex is not everything, being together in a good stable relationship is.

They dont always want to admit they have a problem, so its up to us to take the pressure off by not pushing and just let things come back in their own time.

 

[Sailorgal]

My ex bf was really sensitive to my needs so I'm lucky there. Even things like hugging me and kissing my forehead he would ask if I was ok with it. As much as I enjoyed his touch, I was still scared inside. Intimacy is tough for us PTSDers.

It's hard but you can't take it personal. I don't know how much you really want to know. He may not know himself. Keep building the trust and emotional intimacy...step by step. Besides, the last thing you want is for him to feel like he has to and then goes into another hole.

 

[discarded]

My husband's medication has played havoc with his libido. I understood completely as I had been on the same antidepressants myself with a similar affect. He didn't want to let on, just avoided situations where sex might result. It wasn't like him not to want to sex. When I brought up the topic with him he acused me of putting him down and that I was calling him a failure, which of course was not the case. I had been extremely concerned about his downward spiral into isolation again. For him if there is no need for sex then there is no need to have me around either. He moved out of the bedroom and chose to blame me rather that admit there was a problem for him. Everything that is not right in his life is my fault according to him. In the end he said he didin't love me anymore.

 

[HëllaBubz]

As a female sufferer with a history of sexual abuse, I am living proof that patience and constantly trying will break through over time.

Keep trying, and ask him to keep letting you know how he's feeling so you can readjust what you are doing.
One approach will not always work the same the next day, just keep that in mind.

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

Good Evening Everyone,

I'm new to this forum and came across these older post. Very helpful! The man I was involved with suffers from PTSD. He's currently in the Army. This man takes medication for anxiety, insomnia, you name it! When we first met our sex life was pretty good but it begin to deplete and I thought it was me. But I'm grateful that he shared with me how PTSD effects his libido. I must admit, initially I did not believe him but after reading everyone's post I now realize the impact of PTSD on ones sexual life.

 

[HëllaBubz]

My husband and I had a decent intimate relationship before his PTSD hit, then it just vanished over night. It happens occasionally and worth the wait when it does.

Lol, this sounds like myself and my partner. I had an amazing libido before my PTSD came along and turned my world upside down, but yes, when 'it' does happen, it is indeed worth the wait! ;)

After all.....I'll share something a touch personal, which my little one will find out one day.....my partner notes down in his phone diary when we are intimate, and the note under his last entry was 'best round yet.'

I'll tell you what, I agree, how you think I got pregnant lol!

 

[NikkiGAPEACH1970]

@Bubzilla thanks for sharing your story and congrats on your pregnancy!You restored my hope for my relationship. I'm learning so much.:):)

Nikki

 

[HëllaBubz]

You restored my hope for my relationship.

Hold in there Nikki, you'll get through it one way or another. It doesn't matter what shit you go through, how bad it is, eventually it will cease or recede to the point where it is bearable.

Everything is bearable if you hold on until the point where you can catch your breath, which is always 'just around the corner.'

Keep in mind, I only apply this when it's worth holding on.

There have been times in my life where I have a flash of clarity that says to me, this ISN'T going to change, or improve, you need to let go NOW, and walk away.

Sometimes that 'flash' will tell me to run as fast as I can, and when I get that, I usually listen, the last time I didn't I nearly got myself killed.

 

[Demon]

It is true the hurt the pain that one suffers inside < Hence my name referring to Demons inside ...Once something has been taken from you as a child you can never get that back you not only loose one thing you loose many (Trust) helping that person you love to understand you is nearly impossible unless they have felt this pain themself.

Sexual Labido is very much up and down for me (I'm Female) just incase you were wondering, its just getting to understand how your partner clicks and be there listen to them be supportive a gentle hug can go along way :) hope this advice helps a little ..

Demon