PTSD Means Always Learning

[goingonhope]

Veiled, I wanted to respond again, but have found myself unable to do so until now.

Yest. was rather screwy, as I found myself obsessed with the fact that my hair dresser dyed my hair a compl. different color than what she and I had just got done clearly discussing and I'd decided upon. It was like WTF, a good chunk of my day yest., I did enjoy a movie too, but after adding the day's gener. respons. as well, I was fortun. to be out like a light in the evening. Still confused today though wither my hair dresser's huge error.

Anyhow Veiled, I do hope you get some sleep tonight for tommorrow is your appt. I'll be thinking of you and hoping too that you receive help and no bullsh't and/or any aggravation tommorrow.

As for having to wake in instant panic. OMG, I've done this before too. Then it was about when my husb. was all more reg. uptight and was arguing with my son; Thankful this mostly has ended.

As for your cat leaping onto your stomach while you slept, though I've yet to experience this pleasure. (lol)

We too have cats and I have seen my husb. nearly have an attack of sorts when our cats scared the sh't out of him while he slept.

OMG though, what you described veiled,

... Peace .... cat fly's from bird cage to stomach .... lands ... Surprise! ...... Instant wham. Panic! ,,, ya' I don't know how anyone survives this without some panic, and then add in someone with PTSD and presently suffering. OMG, veiled, it's a wonder you did not have a heart attack. That is certainly some awful, and sh'tty luck the other night.

I know if it were me, I'd get to wondering if this sh't only happens to me, as some sort of punishment or something, but nevermind this, bc that is my occassional skewed and faulty thinking.

Stop to think of it, I have been woken scared to death by a cat before. In fact it was two of them. Many yrs. ago, two stray cats found there way into our basement through a missing founda. block and then fought like filthy, screaching, hissing animals (lol) at the foot of my bed while I had been sleeping, until .......the cats.

These days, I'm nuetral about cats, but my daughter simply loves them.

On another subject, I found myself doing today what you did the other day and focused my pained energy almost entirely on cleaning house.

Unfortunately, it was non-stop cleaning and I do thank my husb. that he took our kids out, both this morning and than for a period of time this afternoon, bc I'm not sure I could stop myself from cleaning.

I think it's a delayed side effect of that prn med I had to take the other evening. The good side effect of it, is the next day it generally allows me to relax, and so I did so with my daughter. But, its delayed effect is when it's really entirely out of my body, then I speed. If I'm not careful, this almost could convince me of my need to take another and simply to come down. Me being familiar with this medicine and its interaction with me, Tommorrow I'll need to be extra careful not to be quick to anger, bc that is generally how it effects me when I wake again to realize that my life is not at all as calm and stress-free as the med. convinces me it is following those times of need.

Though I don't like ever needing medicine, (sometimes I'll take it, and I'm counting on it being less and only for a duration of time,) I'm hoping to one day never need it again, but that's not me and that's not now.

Sometimes people are faced with dilemma's and having to choose between a bad idea and an even worse idea.

Hopefully, and just for now, I'll have to choose the lesser of the two bad idea's, bc I must say I am still apt to be faced with this most challenging dilemma and at any time and unpredictably so.

Veiled, Please, you take care tonight and let us know how tommorrow's appt. goes for you. Good, bad or indifferent. Let us know how you're feeling. And, I do hope you're able to relax some and soon get through this most difficult time for you.


Hope

 

[Deleted member 93]

I am getting much better. I can feel it lifting. Some R&R was certainly in order and I will still be only editing/modding very little to make sure I keep up getting better.

I am getting some cleaning done and was able to cook supper last night though it tasted like shit. Since I had the doc this AM with no sleep and had to ride in a car I am declaring myself officially done today LOL. I know very well not to push or this will drag out longer. Well, a package is due to arrive in the mail today so I have to wait for the bell and dog barkings and speak to a stranger... Which I have gotten very good at not freaking over the door and dogs, but today was full enough, so I am really doing nothing more!

What can I say, it was a hell of a ride down memory lane of uncontrolled PTSD. It is slowly getting back in check. Now I get to just wait for Summer anniversary of the dead babies in the wreck and the other pleasantry and do this all over again LOL.

OK, shrink office. Got sick as a dog getting there. But as she does so well (the doc assistant who is who I see and does my scripts, never have met the actual doctor!) at putting me at ease. I remember why, she listens and does not treat me like I am a moron. She could be faking but who cares ha ha. Any way we discussed the sleep aggravating things. She gave me a laundry list of medicinal options from hypnotics to anti-psychotics. It got narrowed down quickly when I said nothing habit forming, addictive, or the like, I just want help to try to get back on schedule but that will work. She gave me a trial script of Lunesta. She suggested a small piece of dark chocolate before bed to lessen the apparently nasty taste it leaves in your mouth the next day. She said that was the worst complaint people had about it.

She said I probably won't forget my dreams and nightmares like when xanax is taken. And that they may be more vivid. I told her I did not like the idea of nightmares getting more vivid but she said she hoped it will put me in deep enough that I won't be having them. Fingers crossed.

Since the act of taking pills induces attacks I asked about the xanax interfering. She said no problem, if it triggers me I can safely take the xanax. She said no worries from her of addiction since I recognize I am in an anniversary and am pulling out of my tailspin and was not taking it daily to prevent the onsets. (Halloween the exception there). So she refilled a small bottle to let me finish out the anniversary and I should have some left over for emergencies. After I take the sleeping pill a few times and see I don't die from it the panic attacks should go away.

I think the main reason I like her so much as she said it is her goal for her patients to not have to come back and see her (she will refer people for all sorts of therapy to supplement her treatment)! She said while some people need meds all the time not everyone does, some just need it sometimes and she seems happy I know I am in the sometimes group (and that I know it). And as I have said so often she echoed to me today. These drugs help stabilize so therapy is given a chance to work, then you use what you learned. She thinks the same way on PTSD like me, too cool. I so lucked out. A therapist who has managed PTSD that I almost never have to see now and a shrink who is not dying to shove the latest and greatest pill for anything she can think of down my throat and encourages alternatives. We will not count how many docs I have had to go through to get to this!

I almost lost out big. She is moving to a new office and will no longer be employed by my doc I never met. I found out as I asked when leaving when should I do a follow up with her. She is not supposed to be taking her docs patients with her I am sure but hubs spoke up real fast! He said oh no, she never likes any doctor trying not to go and she likes you and will see you, you will have to tell us where you are going... So she gave hubs the info so I can continue to work with her as needed. You just can't let one like that go LOL.

Only thing I forgot to ask was if Lunesta would leave me groggy and hung over in the morning. Guess I will find out. Wish me luck I can finally get some of my zzzs back and get this ole' body of mine working again.

I even said to hubs if I can be asleep by 9 or 9:30 maybe I can change up my workouts to morning before he heads to work instead of midnight. He told me to slow down LOL, lets just work on you getting some rest. They better work, like I said I got a trial script being filled for 7 pills, she stuck a coupon on the back to get them free. I got hubs to ask how much would it be if we paid. $49 for 7 pills!!!! OMG! At those prices my family will be eating ramen noodles morning noon and night. Hubs said at this point if it works it is worth it and we will figure out a way to do it.

:Hug_emoticon: Thanks Hope. I hope this finds you feeling well.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Veiled,

If you NEED to have the Lunesta, and it works.....Try going through P.P.A. You know the commercial that Montel Williams promotes......It's for people without Insurance. I actually used it for about a year, when I need help with a script, It cost $130.00 a month. So check it out.....

Hope you get some zzzzz's

There is also Walmart that you can use for the $4.00 script too......

 

[goingonhope]

Veiled, :thumbs-upGlad you got feeling better. It's nine days since your last post here. Hope you're feeling well and all has kept chiefly Up for you.

Continue to take good care of you and your family. It's obvious how much you love them, from so many other posts, and all over much time.

I do hope you are feeling and doing well. Please, continue...continue...continue, Taking good care!

Hope

 

[Deleted member 93]

Thank you so much, Hope, good timing. I have fallen a bit ill again but I am not ready to open up yet about it. Just way big and bad timing as if there is ever good.

Lunesta was a nightmare and a half. 3 days I used it. It made my symptoms so much worse. The idea was to get me deep enough in sleep (and actually to sleep) to not dream but I was stuck in nightmares and if a gnat farted I was on the ceiling. I was very wound up on it and if I dozed off I could not tell dreams from reality (lucky for hubs I did not have any dreams he was naughty!). As usual I did not react as the usual people do. LOL, if I hallucinate on antibiotics I guess you can say I am just not wired right.

I started to get serious on the forum at the same time things happened so I have left some threads neglected as I cannot do it now. However I am trying to stay social and cut up at least. I just cannot be too serious right now or read most threads of people who need help and advice I know is in me somewhere. The sooner I self care the sooner I can get back to being there for others. Thank you for just being there and reminding me you are.