My most recent relationship was abusive and he tells me that because I stayed so long I have no self respect. He also told me that he believes I am selfish because I never thought about how my poor past decisions would effect my future relationships and that is my fault. I am frustrated because there is nothing that I can do to alter the past
I'm sorry, what???! This guy sounds very rigid in his views. That's some serious projecting he's doing, and it's not healthy. I think I understand what he's trying to say, but he's going the wrong way about it - assuming that he's coming from a position of genuine concern for you as a person. You can't change the past, but yes, you can learn from it, and not make the same choices again. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but from what you've written, it sounds like you are making the same choices all over again. It is possible to break that pattern of behaviour, but it requires a lot of hard work on your part. And it starts with learning to accept yourself. And surrounding yourself with people who do likewise. Hard to do, but there's no way around it.
I'm sorry, but this sounds like a toxic situation. It sounds like this guy has some work to do on himself before he can participate in a healthy way in a relationsihp. It's possible that neither of you are in the right place emotionally for a relationship at the moment.
Are you in therapy? It sounds you would benefit from seeing a therapist. It might take a while to find one who is a good fit for you, but it is worth it.
One thing that I see time and again on this forum are situations where people rush into making a commitment to each other without getting to know each other first - in a relationship context. I see that you've said you've known each other a long time, but things change when you enter into a romantic relationship. Slow. It. Down. Think carefully about your choices and take time to reflect before taking the next step. What's the hurry?
A relationship with a PTSD sufferer is always going to be hard work. But I think you two need to start having some robust conversations about what is acceptable behaviour in a relationship. That means setting boundaries. Best of luck to you.
I can not risk losing him. I just got him back
And one final comment - take him off that pedestal. As much as you don't want to let go, I think it is important for you to accept that this relationship might not be a good fit for you. I'm not saying you should give up without trying to make it work. But you are putting way too much pressure on yourself by thinking this way.
