I met a guy about a month ago. He would initiate texts with me 3-4 times a day and call 1-3 times a day every day. We had a ton in common, had the same warped sense of humor, and just really clicked. I haven't clicked with anyone like this in my entire life. He is recently divorced and moved back home to the area I live. His ex-wife and kids are 9 hours away. He was diagnosed with delayed onset PTSD a few years ago from the military and from being a police officer. He says this is where his relationship with his wife fell apart. He was pretty bad off for the first two years and pretty much hid out in his basement. He wasn't the rock everyone leaned on anymore and they grew apart. They have a good working relationship and he drives the 9 hours to see the kids about once a month.
He had gone to visit the kids on November 7. At this point, we had been talking about two weeks, but hadn't had a chance to meet because my schedule was too busy. He stays with his ex-wife and her parents (she moved back home when they divorced). She had surgery scheduled for the following day and he kept the kids and also his son's birthday was the following weekend. He was there about a week. While he was there, he texted me some, but not a ton. We talked a ton on his drive up and about 6 of the 9 hours on his way home. While he was there, he asked me to go out with him last Saturday and I said yes.
We went out Saturday and had an absolute blast. When he picked me up, he got out of the car and hugged and kissed me first thing. He took me to the shooting range to shoot a gun which is something I had always wanted to do. He used to be a firearms instructor and the whole time we were there he kept going on and on about how awesome it was that he was getting to do something he loved with a "beautiful blonde" and how cool it was that I was having a great time. From there, we went to dinner and sat and talked for hours. He told me that it was the best first date he had ever had. After dinner, we went and walked by the river and he held my hand and was hugging and kissing me. We came back to my place and he came in for awhile (no sex) and finally left around 1:45 am.
He texted me when we got home and told me he "had an awesome night and hope to have many more with you". We texted for about 30 minutes and then went to bed.
He texted me the Sunday morning and again talked about being with me in the future.
He texted later Sunday evening and I expected him to call, but he didn't.
He texted about 2:30 am (not at all uncommon - usually I'm asleep and just answer in the morning) and I was still up. He said he laid down and fell asleep and missed his tv show and calling me. We texted about 20 minutes and went to bed.
He texted me Monday morning asking when he could see me again. I asked when he wanted to see me and he said, "When? Well, ASAP of course." I gave a few options, one of which was to come over that evening after I got home from work and that was the one he chose.
That evening he was running late. He called me on his way to my house (about a 30 minute drive) and we were talking about his truck, the Hostess thing, and just normal comfortable things. He got about 5-10 minutes from my house and another call came in. I could tell something was off about the call and he told me who it was, but I couldn't understand him. About 15 minutes later, I realized he should have been to my house already. Another 15 minutes goes by and I'm wondering what's going on. Then I get a text that the call was his ex-wife's mom and that she had been having abdominal pain and went to the immediate care and then sent her to the hospital where she had been admitted about an hour before. He said he was heading back home, he was freaking out because he knew his kids were freaking out, and he was going to drive the 9 hours to be with them. The text ended "I'm so sorry I don't know what else to say."
I tried to call him, but he didn't answer. So, I went to bed. The next morning I replied to the text and just said, "Just stay in touch so I know what's going on, okay? And drive safe. I hope you stopped to sleep." This was Tuesday morning. I never heard a word from him.
That night I took my son to a mini-golf place that is fairly close to his house (there are no mini-golf places close to me). It was dark, he was out of town, I was close so I figured this was a perfect time to drive by and see his house since I had never seen it before. I did and, surprise, both his car and truck are in the driveway and the lights are on. Yes, there could be a reasonable reason for this. I felt he was jumping the gun driving 9 hours when he didn't know what was wrong with the ex or if she'd be discharged an hour later. It's possible he didn't go. But, he didn't contact me at all.
Wednesday I sent him a text that said, "Hey, are things okay? I was thinking about you." Nothing. Later that day, I sent this (and I'm kicking myself for it now so don't beat me up over it, I'm doing a fine job of beating myself up as it is). "I need you to be honest with me. Monday felt really off. I know I made a mistake by saying you could come over that evening. I thought we could hang out and maybe watch a movie, but the later it got, the more it felt like a booty call and that wasn't what I wanted at all. Now, I'm scared. I'm afraid I freaked you out since I haven't heard from you. So, I need you to be honest with me and let me know if you're still interested in seeing me." No response.
I'm just having a hard time figuring out how someone goes from texting and calling all the time and wanting to see me all the time to just being gone. His PTSD is not severe (at least not as severe as the last guy I dated), but I fully realize it will always be there and I have no idea what triggers it.
So, now that you have the story, do you think something with the ex being back in the hospital and him freaking out about the kids could have triggered something PTSD related or do you think he's just a big jerk who changed his mind about me? I just have a hard time thinking someone could ask to see me, drive 3/4 of the way to my house while on the phone with me and everything seems great, and instantly decide he doesn't want to be with me and make up some elaborate lie to get out of it all. But, then again, I don't understand guys at all sometimes.
He had gone to visit the kids on November 7. At this point, we had been talking about two weeks, but hadn't had a chance to meet because my schedule was too busy. He stays with his ex-wife and her parents (she moved back home when they divorced). She had surgery scheduled for the following day and he kept the kids and also his son's birthday was the following weekend. He was there about a week. While he was there, he texted me some, but not a ton. We talked a ton on his drive up and about 6 of the 9 hours on his way home. While he was there, he asked me to go out with him last Saturday and I said yes.
We went out Saturday and had an absolute blast. When he picked me up, he got out of the car and hugged and kissed me first thing. He took me to the shooting range to shoot a gun which is something I had always wanted to do. He used to be a firearms instructor and the whole time we were there he kept going on and on about how awesome it was that he was getting to do something he loved with a "beautiful blonde" and how cool it was that I was having a great time. From there, we went to dinner and sat and talked for hours. He told me that it was the best first date he had ever had. After dinner, we went and walked by the river and he held my hand and was hugging and kissing me. We came back to my place and he came in for awhile (no sex) and finally left around 1:45 am.
He texted me when we got home and told me he "had an awesome night and hope to have many more with you". We texted for about 30 minutes and then went to bed.
He texted me the Sunday morning and again talked about being with me in the future.
He texted later Sunday evening and I expected him to call, but he didn't.
He texted about 2:30 am (not at all uncommon - usually I'm asleep and just answer in the morning) and I was still up. He said he laid down and fell asleep and missed his tv show and calling me. We texted about 20 minutes and went to bed.
He texted me Monday morning asking when he could see me again. I asked when he wanted to see me and he said, "When? Well, ASAP of course." I gave a few options, one of which was to come over that evening after I got home from work and that was the one he chose.
That evening he was running late. He called me on his way to my house (about a 30 minute drive) and we were talking about his truck, the Hostess thing, and just normal comfortable things. He got about 5-10 minutes from my house and another call came in. I could tell something was off about the call and he told me who it was, but I couldn't understand him. About 15 minutes later, I realized he should have been to my house already. Another 15 minutes goes by and I'm wondering what's going on. Then I get a text that the call was his ex-wife's mom and that she had been having abdominal pain and went to the immediate care and then sent her to the hospital where she had been admitted about an hour before. He said he was heading back home, he was freaking out because he knew his kids were freaking out, and he was going to drive the 9 hours to be with them. The text ended "I'm so sorry I don't know what else to say."
I tried to call him, but he didn't answer. So, I went to bed. The next morning I replied to the text and just said, "Just stay in touch so I know what's going on, okay? And drive safe. I hope you stopped to sleep." This was Tuesday morning. I never heard a word from him.
That night I took my son to a mini-golf place that is fairly close to his house (there are no mini-golf places close to me). It was dark, he was out of town, I was close so I figured this was a perfect time to drive by and see his house since I had never seen it before. I did and, surprise, both his car and truck are in the driveway and the lights are on. Yes, there could be a reasonable reason for this. I felt he was jumping the gun driving 9 hours when he didn't know what was wrong with the ex or if she'd be discharged an hour later. It's possible he didn't go. But, he didn't contact me at all.
Wednesday I sent him a text that said, "Hey, are things okay? I was thinking about you." Nothing. Later that day, I sent this (and I'm kicking myself for it now so don't beat me up over it, I'm doing a fine job of beating myself up as it is). "I need you to be honest with me. Monday felt really off. I know I made a mistake by saying you could come over that evening. I thought we could hang out and maybe watch a movie, but the later it got, the more it felt like a booty call and that wasn't what I wanted at all. Now, I'm scared. I'm afraid I freaked you out since I haven't heard from you. So, I need you to be honest with me and let me know if you're still interested in seeing me." No response.
I'm just having a hard time figuring out how someone goes from texting and calling all the time and wanting to see me all the time to just being gone. His PTSD is not severe (at least not as severe as the last guy I dated), but I fully realize it will always be there and I have no idea what triggers it.
So, now that you have the story, do you think something with the ex being back in the hospital and him freaking out about the kids could have triggered something PTSD related or do you think he's just a big jerk who changed his mind about me? I just have a hard time thinking someone could ask to see me, drive 3/4 of the way to my house while on the phone with me and everything seems great, and instantly decide he doesn't want to be with me and make up some elaborate lie to get out of it all. But, then again, I don't understand guys at all sometimes.
