Frankie,
I appreciate that you are trying to understand why you are emotionally numb, depressed and having trouble sleeping. Understanding what is going on with yourself is vital in working to become mentally healthy. I am not trying to be harsh in any way so please don't take it as such. You asked for opinions of people here who have PTSD and we have been offering you information from our experiences and what we know to be true. As I am reading thru your posts it seems you are trying to fit yourself into a PTSD diagnosis.
First and foremost - Neither you nor any of us here can diagnose you, ONLY a professional therapist can do that. In fact really only a professional therapist who specializes in trauma can dx you. My primary T told me 2 years ago that he "thought" I had PTSD and referred me to a specialist in PTSD for confirmation and treatment. I still see my primary T bi-weekly, but we work in conjunction with my trauma T whom I see once a week.
Secondly - In order for a professional therapist to make a diagnosis of PTSD they must verify that you meet EVERY criteria of PTSD as set out in the DSM. Not meaning every symptom of course, but the number of symptoms required in each category. In fact you can guess as to whether you meet the criteria, but your opinion is self biased. A professional will be completely objective.
In your last post you stated that you don't meet every category.
On another note, I have to say that I am confused. In your first post you said that you had never suffered a trauma that you remembered.
In a subsequent post you said that you witnessed a relative being attacked, but that it didn't scare you, nor does it currently upset you when you think about it. One of the criteria is that any recollections of a past traumatic even causes severe distress.
Now in your last post you say that you witnessed a relative being attacked on numerous occasions and that it frightened you.
A therapist would need to know which of the 3 comments was in fact what you experienced and how you currently react to recollections of it as well as if you have intrusive thoughts about it.
You've also said you've see several doctors and even a psychiatrist about your emotional numbness, lack of sleep etc. none of which have dx'd you with PTSD. Is there a reason that you don't trust their diagnosis? Do they specialize in trauma? I would imagine the psychiatrist would have a lot of knowledge in this area, but perhaps not. If he or she doesn't then I would recommend that you find a therapist who does specialize in trauma for a complete evaluation. Maybe that will put your fears to rest. Worrying about the what if's does you no good and in fact will impede any progress in your healing and I would hate to see that.
Again, I am not trying to be harsh, but you did ask for our opinions. I have PTSD, in fact it took a very long time for me to even accept that diagnosis because the prognosis of healing is so dismal. After 2 plus years of extremely painful and hard work I am in remission, which is very uncommon and I can't tell you how happy I am about it!
Depression, emotional numbness and anxiety (PTSD is the worst of all the anxiety disorders) are three of the many symptoms of PTSD. I am 52 years old and though I was not emotionally numb until about 10 years ago, I had all the other symptoms from a very young age.
I understand how awful emotional numbness and depression is and it sounds like you definitely need help from a professional to move forward in your road to healing. No matter WHAT your diagnosis is, you need to find a therapist you trust so that you can be open to their help and guidance. As someone above posted, be open to what your therapist tells you. Please don't try to diagnose yourself, let alone with something as serious as PTSD, leave that to a professional who knows what they are talking about. If you do get dx'd with PTSD this is a great forum for support and information. If you don't have PTSD, but do have depression and/or GAD (general anxiety disorder) there are other forums out there that are specifically for these disorders that will be far more helpful to you.
I wish you all the best in your endeavor to heal and become whole. You deserve to have a good life full of the richness of emotions and happiness.
I appreciate that you are trying to understand why you are emotionally numb, depressed and having trouble sleeping. Understanding what is going on with yourself is vital in working to become mentally healthy. I am not trying to be harsh in any way so please don't take it as such. You asked for opinions of people here who have PTSD and we have been offering you information from our experiences and what we know to be true. As I am reading thru your posts it seems you are trying to fit yourself into a PTSD diagnosis.
First and foremost - Neither you nor any of us here can diagnose you, ONLY a professional therapist can do that. In fact really only a professional therapist who specializes in trauma can dx you. My primary T told me 2 years ago that he "thought" I had PTSD and referred me to a specialist in PTSD for confirmation and treatment. I still see my primary T bi-weekly, but we work in conjunction with my trauma T whom I see once a week.
Secondly - In order for a professional therapist to make a diagnosis of PTSD they must verify that you meet EVERY criteria of PTSD as set out in the DSM. Not meaning every symptom of course, but the number of symptoms required in each category. In fact you can guess as to whether you meet the criteria, but your opinion is self biased. A professional will be completely objective.
In your last post you stated that you don't meet every category.
It would be wise of you to let a professional make that determination.
On another note, I have to say that I am confused. In your first post you said that you had never suffered a trauma that you remembered.
In a subsequent post you said that you witnessed a relative being attacked, but that it didn't scare you, nor does it currently upset you when you think about it. One of the criteria is that any recollections of a past traumatic even causes severe distress.
Now in your last post you say that you witnessed a relative being attacked on numerous occasions and that it frightened you.
A therapist would need to know which of the 3 comments was in fact what you experienced and how you currently react to recollections of it as well as if you have intrusive thoughts about it.
You've also said you've see several doctors and even a psychiatrist about your emotional numbness, lack of sleep etc. none of which have dx'd you with PTSD. Is there a reason that you don't trust their diagnosis? Do they specialize in trauma? I would imagine the psychiatrist would have a lot of knowledge in this area, but perhaps not. If he or she doesn't then I would recommend that you find a therapist who does specialize in trauma for a complete evaluation. Maybe that will put your fears to rest. Worrying about the what if's does you no good and in fact will impede any progress in your healing and I would hate to see that.
Again, I am not trying to be harsh, but you did ask for our opinions. I have PTSD, in fact it took a very long time for me to even accept that diagnosis because the prognosis of healing is so dismal. After 2 plus years of extremely painful and hard work I am in remission, which is very uncommon and I can't tell you how happy I am about it!
Depression, emotional numbness and anxiety (PTSD is the worst of all the anxiety disorders) are three of the many symptoms of PTSD. I am 52 years old and though I was not emotionally numb until about 10 years ago, I had all the other symptoms from a very young age.
I understand how awful emotional numbness and depression is and it sounds like you definitely need help from a professional to move forward in your road to healing. No matter WHAT your diagnosis is, you need to find a therapist you trust so that you can be open to their help and guidance. As someone above posted, be open to what your therapist tells you. Please don't try to diagnose yourself, let alone with something as serious as PTSD, leave that to a professional who knows what they are talking about. If you do get dx'd with PTSD this is a great forum for support and information. If you don't have PTSD, but do have depression and/or GAD (general anxiety disorder) there are other forums out there that are specifically for these disorders that will be far more helpful to you.
I wish you all the best in your endeavor to heal and become whole. You deserve to have a good life full of the richness of emotions and happiness.
