Sufferer Ptsd: Severe Abuse

[sickboy1973]

I have Ptsd and it's not from war. I was stabbed, burned with cigarettes, battery acid and was held under water repeatedly. I was young, I can remember bits and pieces. I can remember the foster home and fear and hiding alot. I was adopted to a good family. They did have a difficult time dealing with my behavior sometimes. That led to getting hit sometimes. Not like a spanking I mean hit in face with fist and possibly blood. I was a teenager in boy scouts, it was my first year in at 12. I was taken out into woods by 5 older boys and they put knive to my throat and made me perform oral sex on the all. Then when I was 19 I met my bio family and just more bad stuff which I will not discuss right now.

When I was young they didn't realize the affects that adoption could have on someone. I was just diagnosed as bi-polar. Later that was changed to Reactive attachment disorder and then PTSD (along with many other mental illness). It has been a long difficult fight. It can be such a intense illness at times.

I don't deal with society much. I am married and have children. I do think of walking out often. I can't do that to my kids though. I grew up without my family and I can't put my children through that feeling of having anyone. Daily life is a struggle. I don't want to do anything most the time. I sit in my house locked away from everything.

I have seen several doctors throughout the years but they all piss me off in someway. I do wish they would make more services available to people. Someday I will hopefully find my peace and be able to live life like so many others. Well I should say that with regards to all mentally and or physically ill, May we all find our peace and way in life.

Thank you for the PTSD forum that is for all suffers!

 

[Abstract]

Hi Sickboy,

I am very sorry for all you have been through. No one should ever experience these things. You are brave to discuss it and I am sure you can use the same courage to persevere with treatment and recovery. Welcome.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Hello and welcome to the forum. :)

 

[Meza]

Hi, Sickboy, nice to meet you and welcome to the forum.

Your story is heartbreaking. No one should have to experience such things! I admire your determination to stay with your family and be there for them in a way that wasn't there for you.

I'm sorry you're experiencing such isolation and that life is such a struggle right now. I hope the forum will be helpful to you.

(((((Sickboy))))) hugs to you

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm really sorry and I'm glad you found this space.

 

[Pinkcake]

Hi Sickboy. I'm very sad for the childhood you had. No child should ever feel pain or hurt from the hand of someone who should love them. You shouldn't have felt that fear and I'm sorry you did.

I get the feeling of wanting to run away and leave it all behind. I really do. Sometimes I think it would make my life easier but I know that wherever I go, there I am. I'd just be leaving the geographical location and not the problems. They'd follow me. It's hard sometimes.

Anyway...welcome to the forum.

 

[sickboy1973]

I left a few things out of my earlier post. My bio mother is the one that did those things to me and my father he is a nice man. He has a big heart, but having a relationship with him is difficult. He has tourettes syndrome. It is managed fairly well as far as twitching but to have a normal conversation with him is very difficult. We have had a relationship that has had very little trust, but he is a decent guy. When I met him I was very specific that i did not want to know my mom and he went against my wishes putting me on phone with her one night. He did this to get back into her life. He is very immature and self centered. My relationship with my mother has been nothing but more hurt. I tried to get to know her despite what she did to me. When I met her it was a lot of feelings I wasn't familiar with and I put everything behind me and let my wall down and she just hurt me more. I may get deeper into that sometime.

My daughter recently wanted to meet my mother and I really had no choice because she needs to know and find the answers to her questions herself. I let them meet and she my daughter asked some questions and we left after about 5 hours and i've never heard anything else out of my daughters mouth again about my mother. That was difficult letting her meet my mom. I do not like my mom. I do love her, but if I could I would, well I won't go there. My mother is a bad woman. I wish I could take back meeting my bio family sometimes. Growing up it was so important to me. I was always preoccupied with if so and so was a family member or if so and so was. I never was able to focus on education much because of self identity issues. Well blah blah blah a little more to the story. I'll post some more later.

Thank you everyone for the support and thoughts.

 

[Kim500]

Hi there! A warm welcome to the forum!!!:happy:

 

[AS1975]

Welcome to the forum, no-one deserves to be treated the way you were. Find someone who specialises in treating PTSD, but hang onto the BPAD (it makes seroquel on-label and cheaper).

 

[Sailorgal]

Welcome again Sickboy!

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I hope the information and support you will find here helps you on your journey to managing your symptoms.

 

[Whitneys story]

Hi and Welcome to the Forum. Take your time getting to know your way around.

Keep writing, getting it out is very healing. You are not alone!

I am so glad you have found us. Whitney