PTSD Since Childhood

[dirtgirl42]

Okay, I suppose the first step is to post. I'm 35 and have dealt with PTSD since I was a child. I suffered the abuse of alcohlics and bigots. I had to hide a molestation issue to protect a family member above my own needs for help or health at persistence of family, which was the trade for "love". I am really good at giving more of myself than is sane or that I am capable, and then feeling completely unworthy of love because I give more than is reasonable or safe. Trying at this time of my life, to set parameters on what I can and cannot give, and it's not easy. I have had to break ties with my family, and I admit it is difficult making friends because I feel comfort in being alone. After my divorce, which I am still trying to deal with emotionally, a doctor has prescribed Cymbalta, which has helped my feelings of desperation, and Klonpin, which has helped me not cry 24-7, most days are better now. I am extremely frustrated that I need medication to help me, but I'm beginning to accept this.
There's not a day that passes where my little voice creeps in and suggests that perhaps I'm hiding from myself. I am not dismissing myself and my feelings a much as I once was. I was trained well to dismiss my own feelings, so this is a grandious obstacle.
I will babble more another time.

 

[void]

:hello:A warm welcome to you!!!!

I have PTSD for child abuse too.

I'm glad you posted.

Void:smile::smile::smile::smile:

 

[cragger65]

Hi there,

My PTSD arose first in childhood from a car accident. I know that is not at all the same thing, but I can relate to many of your struggles. The next step for me after meds was reading up on relaxation techniques. If you are interested I can write you up a simple "script" to help you relax and be at home in yourself. Takes practice, I will tell you!

 

[Mina]

What a great first step you've taken in posting, Dirtgirl42 - welcome to the forum :smile:

 

[LightTilDawn]

Welcome! I think Mina is right, It seems like you're very honest of yourself which I think will get you far.

 

[morgan]

:hello:Welcome to the forum!:hello:

I'm not sure but I may have double posted. If so... sorry.

 

[shiraz]

Hi there and welcome to the forum, I have PTSD from childhood trauma too and I never told - it is that protecting the abuser and need for love thing! Seems like that is a common thing! I can relate to what you say. I am finally dealing with it now, decades later - I guess better now than later.

I have learnt so much from the people here - it is a good place to find support and friends who understand and it is a good place to reach out and help others too.

Strength and courage to you
:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Booknerd]

Welcome Dirtgirl42! I feel like you are telling my own story. The meds do help you feel better and don't feel ashamed of needing medication right now. I hope that you are seeking therapy if you aren't in therapy yet. It's something about the 30 age group where it comes out or gets worse, at least it seems in my situation. Divorce is traumatic in itself and my heart goes out to you. Hope to hear more from you.
Cyber Hugs....Booknerd

 

[Canadian Kitty]

I can't thank you enough for taking your first step and posting! I too am brand new here and also have PTSD from childhood abuse, so kuddos to you for not only helping yourself, but helping me too by letting me know, and yourself, that we are not alone!