PTSD Withdrawal and Feeling Numb - Need Advice From Sufferers

[bubbasgirl]

I love a man dearly, who suffers deeply from ptsd. I want to pull him closer to me when I see he's beginning to feel numb and pulling away. Should I let him go to that numb place or should I try extra hard and lovingly to keep him from withdrawing?

 

[Selena]

You seem to be a caring person, so I assume it must be difficult to see your man suffer without being able to ease the pain.

I find your question really hard to answer. I have PTSD. When I want to or have to numb out or pull away, it's to protect myself from intense pain. I may sense someone in my life trying to help or express their love, but it doesn't have the power to overcome the PTSD symptoms - at least at this point in my life.

It may depend on where your loved one is in the healing process. Does he acknowledge his PTSD? If so, you could ask him if he prefers you to be there or to give him space at those times. And then, make sure that you can handle the answer. Get professional help if needed. I feel for you.

Peace, Selena

 

[Deleted member 541]

Why not try asking him (when he is NOT numb) what he would like from you at that time, and then respect what he tells you. For a lot of us, isolating and pushing people out is the norm, but everyone is different.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I agree that you should ask him - what he prefers and don't be surprised if it takes him some time to figure it out. He may have not every thought about it - or he may think he would want you to react one way but then discover it doesn't work for him.

For me personally, when I withdraw and go numb - I can't stand to be touched and my personal space boundary triples - but we are all different - and all got here by different paths.

 

[Saffron]

When is it okay to talk to someone who is in a bad place in their head? Boundaries are a difficult thing to contend with Especially if some one feels they are not respected or valued and this could possibly be where a sufferer is at, patient or not it is difficult gauging and presuming with nothing else to go on.

Flooding someone with emotion is not always the way to go I would leave a door open that gives the person somewhere to go that shows them the respect that you hope that they will show you. And by that I mean give someone the chance to retain or build on their own self respect as well as yours.

 

[shiraz]

My man often wants to 'pull me in' to comfort me. I love that about him and appreciate him so much for his efforts. Often though, I am so numb and filled with such vulnerability that every cell in my body is commanding me to run, while my brain tries to overthrow that decision and head for his embrace ....

It is a frightening time, wanting his comfort but so afraid to go there. I always wait to see which way I will go, afraid to go where I know I should and hoping that I will run from him instead .... confusing I know!

I manage to stay sometimes and am always so grateful that I did, other times, I run ... get myself to a better place and then return to the arms which love me.

There is nothing easy about this. No decision I can make about it now will affect how I act later, it is a process of learning to recognize what I feel in the moment and learning to trust. I wish it was different.

My advice is to let him know your comfort is on offer at all times, when you think he needs it or when he thinks he needs it .... that way, if he runs, he will feel free to come back later.

You job is difficult in that you will find it toughto not take it personally when he pulls away ... remember that he has little control over that moment and reassure him that you know this but ask him to trust you enough to try.

Hugs and best wishes to you both.

Shiraz

 

[NarcSis]

My husband's automatic response is to 'protect me' and he pulls me close and hugs me -- I have found that I need that protective feeling now but at first I hated being touched and it made him feel so helpless when I would push him away.

I like the suggestion that you talk to him and ask him what he wants. Being near him and talking softly may be enough but I agree that really, its something the two of you need to work out between you.

 

[ABBA]

I think that it is frustrating for me that the very closest people who know we have PTSD make it a blame game instead. After years of it and been through counselors I know what is right and not right for me when triggered. I do not think telling me "I need a psychiatrist to get fixed" before they will love me is right. But then again, I realized today they must think I'm broke. I'm constantly trying so hard not to be "broke" with them. When "friends" or family call me names and say this, I just have an uncontrollable need to be alone away to not feel the pain. They say "get over it".

I've even had people tell me that " I love you but you need to be fixed" and I think I'm doing pretty doggone good from what all I've been through. I'm functioning highly on a job, have taken care of myself as well as I can but then this phrase leaves me all the way back to square one again.

What all these folks need to remember saying that to us is that numbing out is numbing ALL things out which includes joy and happiness. That is not something we can control nor a pscyhiatrist can "fix" instantly. Everyone deals in their own way. Especially if you have been diagnosed for years, you usually know what helps you not feel all the flooding at one time. In my life, I myself am tired of I love you BUTS.

I mean if I had diabetes, would they say, just get fixed even though we do exactly what the doctor tells us? Do they truly understand they are driving out joy in our life as well as the pain? I don't even know anymore how to explain it to my new husband without being shamed again or what I feel is shame. So I just tend to go to bed and hope to sleep and look forward to work the next day.