Pull The Trigger Or Not

[Casey_03]

@digger I have thought of that but if she suggests that she or her son take custody, i would simply cut off contact. that would be my answer about financial assistance, i'd have it and know that's not an option, and i'd abandon that path. I have sufficient documentation of his abuse that i doubt he would even try for custody, i also have proof that he engages in credit card fraud. and if her son does somehow start to poison her against me, again, i have mounds of evidence documenting his abuse and threats. but again, i don't think we'd go down that road. i live in a different country; neither he nor his mother speak the language of this country. i don't see how they could even try to obtain custody. the problem is that there is no other way to go about this. the only possible source of financial assistance i have is him and his family. there aren't really any other options here, so if this is my last resort and my last chance of keeping the child, i'm tempted to take it. i only recently found out that a) my medical insurance won't cover any of the expenses of the pregnancy and b) i get nothing for maternity leave, no paid time off.

 

[Ronin]

Getting the medical history elsewhere isn't even possibly an option? Considered keeping in touch with them is a risk to your & your baby's well being?

Along side: Financial assistance isn't gettable elsewhere than from him?

 

[Casey_03]

@Cashew it's not only about the medical history, it's also about financial support, without which i have to give the baby up.

 

[blackemerald1]

I lost my last reply, dam mobile phones. But just as well because I had a whole lot of questions & having read your latest responses, I am more confused than ever.
How pregnant are you? Are you a mature adult or young?Do YOU want this baby? A LOT more thought needs to be given to adoption, not just paperwork. Finances aside, who else can emotionally support you. Genetic mapping is expensive & not necessarily needed unless you suspect the father has a history of defects.
I emphasise with you having raised 2 children on a shoe string budget. But love is what grows a child most. Yes money is needed for a roof & the usual life expenses. But you have a job to go back to. Maybe bio mother might appreciate knowing & a short simple letter may be an idea but not if you are sold on adoption already. That would be cruel. & not putting her son in any way mentioned. Let her bring it up with him! You need guidance & a good pro bono legal.. Or similar.
er, Get both now. Baby's don't wait.
But if you want & love this baby, you can have the most wonderful gift mother nature can endow, raise a child you will be happy to call your own. A child who Will love you like no other. You don't need drop kicks like your ex., Oh & don't think for one second adoption isn't a life long decision for EVERY ONE concerned, including this baby.You might not fully appreciate the emotional attachment carrying & birthing a baby & handing him/her over, losing all parental rights may have on you in the long term.
My advice, stop concerning yourself with the bio father. & start concentrating on the things that really make your life.
Good luck,
B1

 

[Casey_03]

@blackemerald1 I thought I had made it clear,but yes, i do want the baby. i had planned to keep it until realizing i have no maternity leave and no medical insurance brought me to the conclusion that if i don't get help from the father, i have to give it up. i am grown and working but earn far below the poverty line. no one else can financially support me, hence my conclusion that adoption is the only option. also, i wasn't talking about genetic mapping, nothing of the sort. bottom line here -- everyone keeps saying 'oh, just don't bother with the father' as if i have other options to find sources of money. i don't. realistically, considering the expenses i will have to pay just to give birth and take care of the pregnancy, added to the fact that i have no maternity leave, the second i pop the baby out, i will have no money to feed it. end of story. love will not keep the baby fed or a roof over its head. so it's a nice sentiment to think love is all i need and i shouldn't bother with the birth father, but the reality is his mother/him (if he'll at least send some money) is the only chance i have of being able to keep this baby. i don't think it's such an easy decision. i mean, easy for everyone else to say 'just cut him off', but that, to me, is the equivalent of saying 'just get rid of your baby.' i have no one else to help, no family, no relatives, only work colleagues, who certainly aren't going to offer financial help.

 

[blackemerald1]

PS: don't even think about reporting all this prior abuse & crimes this bloke has done?
! Where do you think that will take you. Directly to jail because a) you did not report abuse when it happened (& didn't you write he got nasty only after you refused an abortion) - secondly, you could end up as an accompliss if you knew his criminal behavior & were his partner at the time.

 

[Casey_03]

@blackemerald1 i think you're confused about the kind of abuse i'm talking about - it was verbal abuse directed at me. no one else was involved. so no, i would not go to jail for failing to report abuse. that's not how it works when you are the one being verbally abused. i'm also not sure what you are talking about with the accomplice comment or me being his partner, it seems you have read a great deal into my post that was simply not there. sorry, i know you are trying to help, but you really seem to have misread a lot of my post.

 

[Ronin]

@Casey_03 is there anything in the employment law of your country that would require the employer to pay health insurance or necessary medical costs for you if working abroad or momentarily indisposed, as with pregnancy?

 

[Casey_03]

@Cashew unfortunately no, as i am not a citizen here

 

[Ronin]

No I meant whoever you're working with home, paying for you while you're where you are?

Speaking of citizenship, if you gave birth to the child and they had Ukrainian citizenship as born on the state's soil, would they be entitled to protection in form of financial support?

 

[Casey_03]

@Cashew you mean a company in my home country? the thing is my company is ukrainian, i wasn't sent here by a u.s. company, so i have no rights. and about citizenship - the child won't be ukrainian, it'd have to have at least one ukrainian parent to get citizenship. i would be entitled to some form of support in the u.s. if i were residing there, but that's my catch 22 -- i'd have nowhere to live and i can't quit my job here and find a new one until after the child has been born.

 

[Ronin]

Understood. Contacting the mother with avoiding him as much as possible, making it clear to her this is not about him but about the child, to which she hopefully relates, then?