Putting Stuff On Hold

[Shiver]

Sorry for the bad English, I try...

So I've been institutionalized many times, multiple times specifically for psychosis (although this was a misdiagnosis) and one time (the last one) for an eating disorder.

I still go to a psychiatrist and until 3 months ago I went to a dietician. I've been searching on and off for a psychologist, I've tried about 6 psychologists in 2016. I had to wait 6 months for 1 of them, specifically for trauma therapy, but when he was able to see me, things already got significantly worse and I couldn't start therapy.

So anyways, this year I started looking for someone again. There's a psychologist who can now see me about every week until I can start with somebody else. She's looking for someone that works in the hospital.

But now, I'm not searching for trauma therapy anymore, actually I'm looking for therapy to talk about depression, dissociation, current events, ... In 2016 my psychiatrist was still trying to get me in trauma therapy. Last time I saw him, he actually told me that maybe it is better if I just start 'regular' therapy again. At least until I feel ready to work on the trauma-part... Until it's not that risky anymore I think..

I just don't know what to do anymore. Isn't this postponing? Or do I really need this time to talk about other stuff?

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Shiver Do you have a trauma diary here on the site???? If not, I would suggest starting one. They are extremely helpful, and it works to help you write things out...

 

[Shiver]

@Shiver Do you have a trauma diary here on the site???? If not, I would suggest s...

I don't have one, partly because my problems seem to get a hell lot worse if I constantly write.

From 2010 until 2012 I wrote one-page texts about everything: psychotic breakdowns, what was going on in my head, memories, ... When I stopped writing, things kinda got a bit lighter. So that's my main reason for not doing any diary stuff.

Which doesn't mean I don't write anymore. I do write, but only when I can't resist the urge, the urge to put it down as it is, not the alternate reality I've created for myself.

So I don't know...

 

[Deleted member 541]

Facing our trauma is the ONLY way to get healthier/better. You can't do it any other way. The only way to do it, is going through it. Yes, it makes you sick/sicker, but it does get better. Take one trauma, write about it. When you feel like you can't handle it anymore, then take a break. When you feel better, go back and re-read what you've written. Then continue with another trauma when you feel that you can. Your diary can be about anything that is troubling you, or just dealing with shit as it comes up.

I spent years talking about my trauma, but never the specific details of what happened. I have 2 different trauma diaries here on this site, plus I have one at home with more detail. It wasn't until I started writing about the shit, that I got better. I still deal with shit, but no where near as bad as I once was.

 

[Freedomfighter]

O.k. so then we have to go through the trauma. But what if we do not understand the reason why certain treatment techniques are in place and what if we don't understand why we are subjected to certain techniques?

What if the trauma is new and did not have any correlations with the old trauma? What if it is not evident why certain treatment techniques are applied? And what if there are physical threats?

How could that possibly then apply?

 

[Shiver]

It's not like I decided to put it on hold myself... I tried, but it just doesn't work out right now. I'm not able to cope with being worse right now, and no, I don't feel great about that. I feel like a failure because other people work through it, while I don't feel able to.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

people work through it, while I don't feel able to

don't feel bad about that, I can't do it either and I've been trying 6 years with several different therapists and I ALWAYS feel worse

I don't know if i'll ever manage

 

[Shiver]

don't feel bad about that, I can't do it either and I've been trying 6 years with several different therapi...

Maybe it's strange that I like your post... I kind of hope you'll find your way eventually. But it feels nice to know that I'm not the only one who just can't right now.