FlameTachiku
Silver Member
Hi Secret,
When I experienced my first set of vivid flashbacks I was not functional for about a year then they just sort of turned into something like fixed pictures without any emotion attached (and very little story--bad, but unclear).
Years later when triggered into a serious PTSD episode, I felt terrified by fear of the return of horrid flashbacks. They did not come in the same way, but the cost of avoiding them in part--lead me into a coma like existence. At the time, therapy helped me to become strong enough to believe that experiencing the flashbacks with support might allow a decent life to be possible, again.
When experiencing flashbacks with support, I learned that they are not always the same for me. The original flashbacks I had "in part" worked through years ago, they were not as debilitateing as I thought they might become. The newer flashbacks however, were just as terrible as the original, but the experience taught me that working through them helps them to have less control over my being. Not without serious symptoms during the process of working through them. But I have learned to co-exist with them, without avioding them for long periods.
I have created protective supports in place for my life so that I can continue in the real world during the medium hard times, with flashbacks. For example, creating a job where I can take 3-4 days off without others knowing something is very wrong with me. Seriouly wrong being, not being able to concentrate, making serious mistakes in paperwork, huge need for added control over my environment, dis-trust for co-workers and bosses and company, need to withdrawl from friends and family (to protect them) from anger, blame, and unrealistic expectations. So, much comes with flashbacks! but for me, I can cope most of the time.
I hate myself when I can't.
Secret-this is just one more story. I am sure we are similar in some ways and different in many others. It is horrible to feel insane and alone in the flashbacks not knowing what is next. We can never know from someone elses experience. But, hopefully it is enough to know others do survive--and do generally well.
tachiku
When I experienced my first set of vivid flashbacks I was not functional for about a year then they just sort of turned into something like fixed pictures without any emotion attached (and very little story--bad, but unclear).
Years later when triggered into a serious PTSD episode, I felt terrified by fear of the return of horrid flashbacks. They did not come in the same way, but the cost of avoiding them in part--lead me into a coma like existence. At the time, therapy helped me to become strong enough to believe that experiencing the flashbacks with support might allow a decent life to be possible, again.
When experiencing flashbacks with support, I learned that they are not always the same for me. The original flashbacks I had "in part" worked through years ago, they were not as debilitateing as I thought they might become. The newer flashbacks however, were just as terrible as the original, but the experience taught me that working through them helps them to have less control over my being. Not without serious symptoms during the process of working through them. But I have learned to co-exist with them, without avioding them for long periods.
I have created protective supports in place for my life so that I can continue in the real world during the medium hard times, with flashbacks. For example, creating a job where I can take 3-4 days off without others knowing something is very wrong with me. Seriouly wrong being, not being able to concentrate, making serious mistakes in paperwork, huge need for added control over my environment, dis-trust for co-workers and bosses and company, need to withdrawl from friends and family (to protect them) from anger, blame, and unrealistic expectations. So, much comes with flashbacks! but for me, I can cope most of the time.
I hate myself when I can't.
Secret-this is just one more story. I am sure we are similar in some ways and different in many others. It is horrible to feel insane and alone in the flashbacks not knowing what is next. We can never know from someone elses experience. But, hopefully it is enough to know others do survive--and do generally well.
tachiku
