Question: Consciousness And Dissociation

[Core]

Is it still called dissociation if you're quite conscious while it happens? I've tried reading about it, both here and other places, but I can't seem to find an answer to his question. I'm mostly talking about derealization.

I'm just wondering if what I experience is, in fact, dissociation. I have a very hard time focusing, I become emotionally numb, I can't resonate or properly formulate thoughts, recalling memories and formulating stories to explain these feels impossible, it becomes very difficult to process information, it's like I can't see (reading is especially hard), hear or feel the way I usually do.

Sounds and light become uncomfortable, but at the same time, it's as if every sound has to be really loud for me to hear them "fully". Everything feels unreal, and as if I'm not truly experiencing it.

In example; I'm listening to music, trying to calm my anxiety. I then start to do what I think is dissociating. I can't hear the music as completely as I usually do; it doesn't impact me in the same way. To get the music into my head "properly" I turn it up a bit - and while I still can't quite listen, the sound becomes very uncomfortable. (The level of sound I turn it up to is not usually uncomfortable to me.)

When I "dissociate", my body sometimes try to go into a sort of mild catatonic state where I'll just sit or lay completely back, feeling physically numb and staring into space, and where I have to "fight" to be able to move again. The catatonic state normally doesn't "win", though. Even if I do go into this state, and all sort of emotion feels gone, I am conscious.

Does this sound like dissociation?

 

[Abstract]

Hi Core,

Yes that does sound like dissociation. It is so difficult to put into words isn't it?! Most of what you describe sounds to me like it would fall into dissociative trance. Which I have also heard described as a change in level of consciousness. Sometimes that state can be very deep and sometimes we are just a little bit in it.

There is more information on here. ://[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/is-this-dissociation-similar.31165/[/DLMURL]

 

[Core]

Abstract: It's never very deep with me - I think I have a very strong consciousness. That's what I thought though, that it seems like a mild form of dissociation. Thank you.

 

[Abstract]

You are welcome Core. It still sounds significant to me from the way you describe it. Remember too that it is a survival skill and not a weakness. Its just a matter of making sure it doesn't get in the way of functioning well in life.

 

[just me here]

Just a bit of hope for you (careful here, hope always comes with a risk of disappointment):

I was diagnosed PTSD after years of depression, some times I experienced exactly what you described but it didn't register as dissociation with my counselors, they went through the whole array of possibilities including bi-polar lows and one personality disorder after another, but never really put the right label on it. Understanding that I was dissociating and that it was part of PTSD has helped me recognise it and through some techniques I learned through bio feedback I am able to ward it off with a VERY high success rate.

Hopefully you can pursue something along these lines.....it has improved for me over the past few years to the point that I am only bothered by the frequency of the onsets, not by having to endure the whole process of watching my world change to a reality I didn't want to be in but couldn't get out of until I was more or less "thrown out on the curb" somewhere.

now if I could just get through the times I am asleep and wake up in these states of "dark side" reality. That will be the day to celebrate having some real control again.

 

[Core]

Just a bit of hope for you [...]

I'll bring this up when I start therapy, both because it may impair the therapy itself, and to get help for it. I'm sorry it took so long before you realized what it was, and what a shame the counselors didn't recognize it themselves! How great that it no longer is much of a problem, though.

I'll research and read about the bio feedback therapy (?) you mentioned, thank you. Can relate to the waking up thing, I often wake up feeling suicidal, depressed, wanting to cry, instantly thinking about awful things etc. - another thing to bring up when therapy starts. Good luck, I hope you find a way :hug:

 

[Abstract]

ecause it may impair the therapy itself

Core, what you say here is wise. I think it can definitely interfere with therapy in many ways. I have realised that even the disconnection from all emotions (depersonalisation) can as we need to process emotions to heal. And then of course it is there for a reason and so in some respects is helpful. I think its all about learning how to both respect it and be able to control it. Not that I am that good at either! ;)

I am glad you are going to discuss this with your therapist.

 

[safenow]

bio feedback

I used to use that for my pain therapy. It is really good at so many levels.

Be sure to let us know what your therapist says. Thanks.

 

[Core]

I have realised that even the disconnection from all emotions (depersonalisation) can as we need to process emotions to heal.

That's exactly it - it's a defense mechanism that some part of you (or me) views as necessary to be safe - and of course, letting in all the emotion and realizing that what happen did in fact happen feels scary. That doesn't mean it actually is dangerous. One doesn't dissociate for no reason at all - obviously, taking time, and as you say, respecting it, is important. Then again, can't just let myself dissociate, because then I won't be dealing with the emotions at all, and the emotions are very much what needs to be dealt with.

I think finding a balance between pushing and respecting will be difficult for me too, haha :)