Relationship Question For Supporters

[Deleted member 27524]

So I had posted a thread recently and was saying that my combat vet D was acting different for the last seven weeks. He had been more distant and just wasn't his normal self. I got some great feedback and have really worked on communicating better with him how I feel.

I don't know what happened to me last week but it's like I slumped into this hole or something. I feel numb and emotionally drained sort of. I felt like I couldn't try anymore. So D text me but I couldn't bring myself to reply. He text/called me the next 4 days and I finally could respond. I told him I was just drained and felt like maybe I wasn't the right person for him. I told him I try so hard to be supportive but lately he has been so distant for the last almost two months that I was just feeling scared of being closer to him. I mean we haven't crossed that sexual intimacy line yet. He said he understood but then something happened. He spent all day yesterday with me and then this morning. He said he was sorry and he hadn't been himself lately and was so attentive and caring. It felt like for the first time in almost 2 months he was fully present. He even had something he needed to do and said he'd stay around if I wanted this morning and I said of course not go on. I feel like he sensed I was caving and tried to pull me back.

I still feel odd? I love him but I feel numb in a way to him if that even makes sense.Like I'm afraid now. Like I have a wall now. I want it to go away and I don't like feeling like this.It's been going on for 6 days. I guess I'm just curious if any other supporters get to feeling like this after their SO has been distant for awhile?I hope this even makes sense.

 

[Sighs]

I have also gone through periods where I feel the walls I have built to protect myself from my combat vet partner's emotional outbursts have meant that I cannot let him in even when he is being sweet and loving. Its hard to believe him when he says he loves me when he has told me in a fit of temper that he doesn't love me at all. Sometimes I wish I didn't love him so much because then it wouldn't hurt so much when I think its all over - again. Other times I wish I could let him in like I did when we were first together.

Hugs if you accept them!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Compassion fatigue and burnout are real things. It happens to the best of us at times, and you should not feel bad if it happens to you. Only you can decide what you are willing to put up with in a relationship, but it may be a good sign that he is making the extra effort since you had told him how you feel.

As a side note, the holidays are rough on a lot of combat vets. He could have some trauma anniversaries during this time of year.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

I'm trying really hard to snap out of it. I love this man and I wanna be with him. If only he could just see himself through my eyes, he'd understand why even though he's given me every reason to leave, I still stay. I'm laying here and I think I'm trying to come out of it as I can feel a little emotion coming back. My vet and I are 5 hours apart and that makes it tougher. I sent him a playful good morning text just now so I think I'm slowly coming out of my little hole as I call it. I know that sounds crazy. I guess were only human too like our sufferers and reach our point at times where we to shut down and have to fight our way through it. Sometimes it's just hard to brush it off and tread on. Appreciate you gals and the support!

 

[Wastinglight]

I just found this thread @Thunderstorm - and just to follow on from the convo we've been having this morning, I identify with everything that's been said here. You're absolutely not alone.

It's such a strange feeling to be so upset that your partner has built a wall around himself, only to realise that your response to his continuing distance is that you've started building a wall yourself! I'm sure it's a very natural reaction to what's happening, but still, this reaction seems to only make the distance between us grow.