Sexual Assault Question

[palojose]

I am seeking guidance involving my children. My daughter, who is now 15, is struggling with eating disorders and other self-harm. My son, who is now 19, seems well-adjusted. The 15-year-old has lived in a verbally abusive home, possibly physical abusive, and faced neglect since the age of 4 (I am divorced and she has not resided with me). In searching to piece together what has led to her disorders, the 19-year-old told me he "touched" her when she was 14 and she was 9. He said the incident lasted less than 30 seconds, was not physically forced, was never repeated and he has harbored very significant shame ever since and now, with his sister facing serious struggles, is in turmoil, worried he caused his sister's problems. I'm struggling with what to do with this information. I need some perspective.

 

[Nyx]

Has she ever told you anything about this? Even if it wasn't forced, if she felt disturbed by the act then there might be some problems between her and her brother. But you would really need to know her perspective on that.

 

[anthony]

Honestly, you would need to ascertain what she feels in regard to this. As stated, if it was as you said, then it tends to fall directly within the bounds of normal psychological behaviour for sexual curiosity, and didn't extend beyond anything beyond what both accepted, both still being children of immature ages.

Is it this or is it something else? Is there more to it? You would need to really talk with her and reassure her that its ok to express to you what she feels, that you will not judge her and just be there to support her.

One of the biggest issues with any type of abuse, is the abused brain will shift into defensive mode, which means thoughts about telling someone and how they will then be judged or looked up, shame, guilt, etc... all that rightfully does not belong with them, and with their abuser instead.

I'm not sure a 30 second event at their ages that they both willingly partook would be doing this as part of childhood sexuality exploration.

I would be digging deeper to be perfectly honest. Is it more typical teenage hormones? She would is 15, you stated she has lived in a verbally abusive home, possibly physically abusive. These two aspects would lead more likely a stronger motivator to her current state, in conjunction with puberty, than the event mentioned between her and her brother.