Rage Help Please

[stilltrying]

Hi, I just joined and not sure how to start.

I was diagnosed with PTSD about 6 years ago. I spent 20 years in the Australian Army and witnessed some pretty bad stuff which I don't really want to talk about. Anyway I have been getting regular counselling from both a physiatrist and psychologist. Although my nightmares are getting better and I'm dealing with my flashback a lot better I still have a major problem with rage and I'm destroying my family.

Tonight my daughter and I had a huge fight and I lost the plot completely. I antagonised her and she hit me and I threw her to the ground while she was holding my grandson. He was screaming my wife was screaming at me to stop but I just couldn't. It's like something in my brain snaps and I lose control and whoever I'm angry at becomes the enemy. I called the cops because of what I'd done but they did nothing. My daughter has left now (don't blame her) and I feel like shit because this is not the first time this has happened.

My wife has stood by me all this time but it's really starting to where thin with her. She is a great lady but I can't blame her if she leaves me. Anyway have any of you been able to conquer this monster??

I need to talk to people who have got what I've got. It's all well and good talking to my counsellors and Dr's but they are not in my shoes. I don't want to lose my family. My wife and I have been married nearly 25 years.

Please help

 

[amethist]

Hi stilltrying

Welcome to the forum.

You are not alone with this type of problem, but good for you in recognising you need to deal with it, before you cause anyone anymore harm.

Until you can sort out how to manage it properly can I suggest you walk away from the situation as soon as you feel the rage starting, but explain to your family when all is calm that this is what you are going to do in future, and can they respect you for this.

There are a lot of sufferers on this forum who will be able to advise you with different ways to handle rage situations. Take a look at the information already on here you might find something to get you back on the right track.

In the mean time is your wife getting any support, if not you could suggest she has a look at our carers section herself, it might help her to help you, and talk to other carers who have been in the same situation and find how they cope with it all.

Good luck and try to stay calm, for you and your family.

Amethist

 

[TLight]

Been there............any man becomes the enemy for me and I've raged like there's no tomorrow, picked up knives........

I guess that the meds have helped my rages.......I take 100 mg Seroquel, its an anti-psychotic. It seems to tone down the immediate reaction thing and allows me to get some distance on the rage.

Another thing I do is tell whoever is around that I need to be left alone........completely alone. Then I usually curl up in a fetal position until I can feel safe again..........sometimes it takes a long time, but my BF knows that I'm working on calming down.

We are afraid.........extremely afraid.........I think the key is to recognize when our 'fight/flight' is kicking in and do anything at all to intercept it and go to a place where we can make ourselves feel safe again.

I know for me, this means I can have no humans around me at all.

I hope this helps.........I'm so sorry. You are not crazy or bad..........you are just trying to survive.

 

[Tessa]

Hi Stilltrying
We live with this rage in our household too (2 diagnosed PTSD). Walking away is good if you can focus on that to calm down. Also check your medication as some have nasty side effects which can make you act as a different person.
I have been married 30 yrs and understand you don't want to lose your wife. Try to explain to her that the reactions are from PTSD not you as a person.
Please hang in there
Tessa

 

[stilltrying]

Thanks from stilltrying

Thanks to all. My wife is still here. I feel really low. I've made another appointment with my psychologist, the earliest I could get was the 20 Aug.

My wife Wendy is coming with me and she is going to try and sort things with my daughter. I appreciate your input and help

Thanks

 

[shiraz]

Hi StillTrying, :hello:

Welcome to the forum. There are so many people here who understand and will support and there is so much to read which can add insight.

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time.

Glad you found us!

Hugs,
Shiraz

 

[her_indoors43]

:hello:G'day mate.........Thanks for serving our country to make it a better safer place mate.......

May i suggest you check out tai chi.....either at your local bowlo/hall ....
or buy a dvd and do it at home....dr lam.....is great...
try the chatroom here to...on a good day you can find few of us in there......

good luck mate...,....

 

[suzzie]

I suffer this also but I a female- however I direct it at my husband not my children, I guess I do this because I blame my husband for not stopping the person who attacked me and got me in this state to begin with.
Im like you I cant stop myself until the temper has ran its course. I think its because we go into fight and flight- and actually believe at that moment in time that it is a life-death issue even if its not, to protect ourself.
I have noticed that it has got less and less over the last 6 months to a year but that is mainly because I dont have the energy left- maybe this will be a good thing as maybe the bad things I expect wont happen and it will settle me right down.
It is so hard to control - I hate just loosing it like that.
I dont have an answer for the rage- but if you find one let me know.lol.
Suzzie

 

[stilltrying]

Big Day

Hi All

I'm off to see my psychologist tomorrow about my recent stuff, I'm a bit scared because I felt like I was getting better and now a relapse.

Up until recently it's been over 2 years since my rage has come out like that.

Hey here's a question I have for her and also for all of you. As an ex soldier, they program into us a button (fight-flight). When our stress levels get too high we explode into fight mode. Does anyone know how to get rid of the button??:dontknow:

 

[Invictus_88]

Can't say it'll work for everyone, but keeping active can sometimes be a great help.

Being stuck in one room, building or group of people made things worse for me, but a half hour or hour long run, jog, cycle...etc worked absolute wonders. Get home, quick shower, and I felt completely myself again.

 

[Charon]

Stilltrying-
I'm sorry that you're going through what you're going through. I didn't put in anywhere near the years you did in the military, but God my anger scares me sometimes. Its more just like incredibly intense flashes of rage. I really wasn't like this before I went to Iraq.

I first really noticed it when I was driving with a friend (my best friend, I've known him since we were 10) and he kind of started being a back seat driver. He doesn't really drive (he's a cyclist, and he has had several close calls with drivers and probably has PTSD himself from motorists trying to deliberately hit him) and he started needling me about my speed (I wasn't speeding) and crap.
God I wanted to beat the living hell out of him. And he's a little guy who was born with a bad heart. Me, well, I work out, have wrestled, done some boxing, done martial arts for years and years, and I know I could really, really hurt someone with my hands or kill them. I ended up just sitting there, breathing heavily and driving the car, and I pretty much told him to just stop talking. Just stop talking, just don't say a f-in word.
At home I've thrown stuff around, kicked things, slammed doors etc. I don't live with anybody so I can get away with it. Once in a supermarket lane an old man cut me (it was so obvious it pissed me off) in line and the only thing that made me not start yelling at him was that I thought, "well he's an old man, maybe he was a WWII vet, I can't hurt a fellow vet" and that kind of chilled me out.
Earlier I was out at a coffee shop and it was closing time and for some reason these two girls decided to try and squeeze past me (I was putting on my rain jacket) and I felt something bump up against my butt. I looked over my shoulder and the girl's pocketbook had bumped into me. She just looked at me, didn't say excuse me or anything, and god I wanted to just berate her and yell at her on the spot. I was even so pissed off that after I left the coffee shop I wanted to yell at them and even looked around the sidewalk to see where they went. I knew it was stupid, crazy, and just plain stupid and that I shouldn't get so angry about it, I don't even know why I got so angry.

I wouldn't have done anything (I've had much, much worse flashes of rage before and have yet to get physical with anyone) but I was glad that they weren't going in the same direction as me and that they were already down the street getting into their car-that way I could just put them out of my mind and walk on home.

Since I know I can really hurt someone, plus the fact that I really don't care if I die, I know that if I did get in a tussle it'd be real bad for myself and everyone involved.

One thing that helps me is something that my therapist called "grounding". Basically I just hold on to something, like the steering wheel if I get road rage or when I was in chem lab and got pissed at the professor I just put my hands on the lab desk and didn't take them off. While I'm holding or touching something I just do some deep breathing, really try to calm myself down, and really focus on the texture and feel of what I'm holding. It kind of takes my mind off of whatever it was that was making me angry.

Sorry about the long post, this is something that I've been dealing with quite a bit since coming home. I'm just angry, I get frustrated easily, and I just want to blow up. Its not healthy and I really don't like it about myself because I've never been this way before.

 

[cragger65]

Still Trying, you're a brave man to be open about the issue. I respect you for that. I had to check myself into the local mental hospital at one time, because I knew I was capable of seriously injuring, maybe even killing someone at the time. It made me want to die to see that darkness and uncontrollable rage within my heart, where peace and friendliness had once dwealt, not so very long before.

One of the first things I started with, and still use to this day, is mindful breathing. When you feel ANY tension, pull back your shoulders for a good stretch, then hunch your back and pop all the little cricks out of your body. Take a deep, deep breath, and just let all the weight fall off your shoulders and be expelled with the breath. Do this whole process a few times, adapt it, add to it, whatever works for YOU.

This allows you to get used to running your motor at a lower rev, just in general. You will still have spikes of anger, and may even lash out, but the intensity of your reaction will subside if you find things, like what I have suggested, to halt the buildup of general annoyance and keep it at 2 instead of 4 or5 or 6, where it's ripe at all times to be triggered. Once your wife and daughter can see a little improvement in you, I'm sure that is all you will need to motivate you to keep on top of it better.

Very best wishes and best of luck. If this is of no sense or use to you right now, I'm sure the next person's post will be just what you needed to hear.

Cheers mate,
Dave