Re-occuring dreams of abandonment, help!

[Deleted member 42665]

I had my 3rd dream about this since 2018 began. I never dream about him unless it is this specific theme.

Last night was the worst of all, I woke up at 3 am terrified because it felt so real. He ghosted me in the dream, no way to contact him and when I arrived to session, the office was dark.

He knows I am scared to lose him, I think I know why this is happening this month, not only have we began talking about ending therapy, but he is in the process of "growing" with his number of clients... and I already am seeing changes that give me anxiety

I've tried to talk to him about that part of my anxiety, the too many people thing and he just replies that a lot of therapists have around 30 a week, right now he is around 10 but that's his goal for the year. I don't want to go from having a great flexible therapist who is accessible if need be, to just feeling like a number... but he doesn't seem to care much on my fears with this

I think he is great other than this thing, I don't want anyone new... I just want these dreams to stop, is it possible to get them to or am I stuck with it?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I’m so sorry! They sound extremely unpleasant, to put it mildly! So I think it’s really in how you judge it. Like wanting them to STOP, while completely understandable, will likely give you the opposite result. Things boil up from our subconscious for a reason generally. What can be learned from these nightmares? How do you feel in each part of them? How do you want to feel? Your work is in what comes up and trying to push them away or forget about them is like slapping yourself in the face, you know? Cause a part of you wants to deal with this. I imagine you understand where the fear of abandonment comes from, right? And you see it still as abandonment although you’re no longer a kid (I did, too with my last t and did some thinking on how it wasn’t that. That I was grown, that I wasn’t helpless, that I had the resources to carry on, etc.). This stuff so often can’t be thought away (which sucks so much) but only allowed with gentleness. Can you make room for your fear? Without wishing it away and praying for it to be another way, can you just allow that this is coming up for you? Or even allow that you can’t allow it, that creates a tiny bit of space as well.

I have a thing with death. I see it often (in my mind). It has brought on panic and nightmares. I have become a lot more comfortable with that part of me and while that stuff still comes up, it doesn’t consume me. It’s just another part of the whole me. So this is just a part of you, the abandonment fear. It’s just thoughts and not reality. How you feel right now and in your dreams might not be how you feel when therapy is eventually over. We don’t know how things will be when and if the scary things come true. We could be in a much better and stronger place, or, through the experience we could find strength we never knew we had.

Wishing you better sleep and comfort!!

 

[Still Standing]

I used to have terrible dreams about a finance who dumped me for another friend. The dreams were always of abandonment and they were so upsetting. Then one time in the dream, somehow, I realized that I could influence the dream by injecting an attitude of challenge and defense. I realized it was "safe" to fight for myself in the dream. The dreams went on for a few more months and in each one, I was bolder and bolder until the last one was of me standing my ground and choosing to walk away from my ex-fiance. I left him standing wondering what hit him. When I woke up, I still remember feeling light in my heart and I knew the struggle and pain was over. Maybe you can try to keep yourself aware that you are in a dream and you can change the scenario to something safer. Another approach that I try to use is waking myself up enough to open my eyes, momentarily and look around the bedroom, grounding myself and showing myself that it was just a dream. I may have to repeat this right away, if I find myself drifting back into the bad dream. These things help me. Maybe they can help you, too. It is worth a try....

As far as being concerned over the increase of your therapist's practice, maybe this is a challenge for you to choose to let him build his practice. If you make the choice to accept his growing clientele, it will give you a sense of power and being in control for yourself and decrease the sense of being abandoned by him. An increase of business for him ensures you that he will be able to remain in practice. He has to have an income base to support him (and his family, if married). Ten clients is not going to give him enough to build a life on. I am certain he will not abandon you. He will still be able to help you, though not as spontaneous. I, also, have a therapist who is building his practice. We agreed at the beginning of therapy of ways to contact him in between sessions. When he is tied up with other people, I have other numbers to call or a couple of support people who are able to help me. And I have found this forum to be a wonderful 'filler' when I am struggling. I fully understand the abandonment issue. It plagues me, too. So, I know it is hard to overcome that gut-wrenching sense of aloneness. Don't focus on the changing practice choices your therapist is making, which feeds the abandonment monster. Keep the focus on how you can adjust to them and take the power of being independent (if only baby steps). Baby steps are good. Ha! Be sure to repeat this all back to me when I fall over the edge and give way to the inner turmoil of losing control and feeling lost! We all have our moments....

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Unicorn--- Well, I'm not sure actually as I generally don't get this way. Most people I don't care if I lose them or they leave me, in fact, many times, I just get bored with people and distance myself. I am new to the whole "emotional closeness" thing, and it's terrifying. I've only ever felt like this to my dogs and one of them passed away recently so I feel like I'm about to go through that hell again in a sense. What's weird is I've known my best friend for 5 years and I have no emotional attachment to her... I actually expect someday we will drift apart and I'm ok with it. I don't get sick with dread over losing her. It's only him I really get this way with and I hate it

Still--- Actually his practice closed..... he works for a company and is not just a T, he has other jobs he does for them, which is why his caseload is small, he is busy with other things during the week. His boss is requesting all the new clients... not him. He is busy enough as it is but has always had alot of flexible stuff so if you had to cancel etc it was easy to get in the same week. He's already told me if and when they get this goal, he does not know how much "open" spots he will have anymore. I just don't wanna be forgotten and I feel like I will be

 

[Still Standing]

Wow! DogLover33, no wonder you are feeling a bit shaky about the uncertainty of seeing your Therapist. But, I cannot imagine him forgetting you. It sounds like you will have to adjust to a more definite schedule without many impromptu visits. Is he willing to let you email him as a substitute to coming in off schedule? I know that I can email, call, or write letters. This would not be ideal but it still keeps you connected.

 

[Deleted member 42665]

Wow! DogLover33, no wonder you are feeling a bit shaky about the uncertainty of seeing your Ther...

I am allowed all types of outside contact and he claims that wont change but I don't think he can promise what he doesn't know. He has no idea how much busier he will be when this happens. I just have to hope somehow these dreams stop, talking to him about my anxiety over this is useless.... so not much else I can do, he already knows I am scared to lose him.